What Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce Get Right About Love

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As the Kansas City Chiefs descended into a crushing Super Bowl defeat, all cameras were on Taylor Swift’s worried glances at her beau, Travis Kelce, the Chief’s tight end. The reverse scene was on display at Swift’s Eras tour last summer, with Kelce swaying and fist-pumping on the sidelines. Their appearances in each other’s arenas pull mixed reviews. Swifties swoon while some football fans boo when Taylor's mug appears on the jumbotron. Regardless of which camp you’re in, the Swift-Kelce merger teaches us something worth noting at a time when modern relationships are in crisis. Marriage rates recently hit a 50-year low,¹ “gray divorce”² rates have doubled since 1990, and Gen Z is busy perfecting the “situationship,” a coupling devoid of emotional intimacy and commitment. Every generation seems pretty burned out on relationships.

Swift and Kelce exemplify an intriguing relationship model, which I refer to as an "elevation relationship." This is a relationship where each partner has a profound respect for the other’s sense of purpose and eagerly strives to elevate their partner’s efforts to achieve it. If elevating the other is each partner’s singular goal, imagine the trust, allegiance, and reciprocity that is created between them. Kelce expressed just as much when asked about Swift’s stance on his career, “She’s fully encouraging me to enjoy playing this game. She loves coming to Arrowhead and cheering for me, so I got all the support in the world to keep chasing these dreams.” Perhaps genuine partnership can be achieved only when we become facilitators, not barriers, to our partner’s dreams. The alternatives to elevation in a relationship are incongruence, where only one partner elevates the other, or stagnancy, where neither partner elevates the other.

Couples in elevation relationships approach their relationship like a business merger, where co-founders have an equal stake in the collective enterprise and mutual success depends on individual success. Each partner is emotionally, physically, and intellectually invested in the other’s success. At the foundation of an elevation relationship are two people who each have a clear sense of purpose in their lives, which means the first step to achieving elevation is knowing your sense of purpose.

Historically, traditional gender roles assigned men and women their purpose. Men were told their purpose is to financially support the family and women were told their purpose is to care for the family. Couples who ascribe to traditional gender roles can certainly be in elevation relationships if each’s sense of purpose is genuine—not cajoled or coerced. However, in recent decades this has become more the exception than the rule, as men and women are charting their own courses. The number of stay-at-home dads has doubled in the last 30 years,³ and in 2024, about 72 percent of mothers were employed full-time.⁴ Understandably, people want the freedom to choose their life’s purpose rather than have it assigned to them at birth, by society or their spouse.

A recent study of over 7,000 married couples found that only 45 percent are on the same page when it comes to their beliefs about gender roles.⁵ Interestingly, the study found that relationship satisfaction was higher when neither partner endorsed traditional gender roles. This suggests that gender roles are not only antiquated but may even harm relationships. Regardless, traditional gender roles are no longer a viable roadmap for most couples, and this may be why so many people are avoiding, delaying, and ending relationships. As a society, we’ve torn up the script, but we don’t know how to move forward without one.

Although Kelce and Swift aren’t married, their public display of elevation is admirable because both have such outsized careers. I suspect they elicit strong reactions simply because we aren’t used to two wildly successful people coming together to elevate each other so spectacularly. How does a globetrotting pop star even have time to attend football games in Kansas City? Here’s how: she makes time. Sure, they are dripping with resources, but like the rest of us, they only have 24 hours in a day to build their respective empires. Back in the day, when one partner had a big career, the other played support crew. This tradition reinforced the idea that there’s only room for one ambitious person in a couple. Even worse, it left couples mired in power struggles and resentment. Cue Gottman’s Four Horsemen⁶ and a good divorce lawyer. What if we flipped the script by asking couples to pour themselves into elevating each other?

To be sure, if Swift truly poured herself into Kelce’ success, she risks compromising her career. But this won’t be a concern as long as Kelce is matching her energy. When the pursuit is mutual, nobody loses. Whether the Swift-Kelce merger stands the test of time remains to be seen. Childbearing has a way of hypnotizing couples back into traditional gender roles. They will be fine, though, if they never lose sight of what got them this far.

So, how can we find an elevation relationship? Check out these three actions that will increase the likelihood of finding a partner who is invested in you and your life's purpose.

1. Before diving into the dating pool, make sure you have a clear sense of your life’s purpose. Sorting out your purpose in life is an inside job, one that we all must discover for ourselves, and ideally, before coupling up. Having clear goals in life increases our chances of finding a mate who will be invested in supporting those goals.
2. Find out as soon as possible if a prospective mate’s life purpose excites you. A great question to ask on a first date is, “What are you passionate about?” The answer will let you know what you are signing up to elevate. Is it compatible with your value system? Is it something you can get excited about too? Or is it odd, ill-conceived, or dull?
3. Pay attention to whether the other person shows curiosity about your life goals and what gives you a sense of purpose. If they do not ask questions about your work or life goals, they are either not in the market for a serious relationship, in which case your sense of purpose matters none, or they are not interested in elevating their partner, which risks them becoming a barrier to your achievements. In either case, it may be best to move on.

Holding out for a partner who will elevate you may take some patience but the love story just might be worth it. Just ask Taylor Swift.