Susan B. Winston LMFT

Shift Happens

Your Clock Is Always Ticking

A serious health scare forces you to get your relationshipships in order.

Posted Jul 06, 2014

There is nothing like a serious health scare to make you think about where and what you may have screwed up and how you do not want to go “out” with those things still kicking around. I was recently forced to take stock in all of that as I awaited the sentencing of my health issue. I am one of those who issued a legal document demanding no medical intervention at all no matter what the issue. It’s just my thing. I have watched too many suffer and for what – an extra year, mostly in pain. No thanks. So I have taken another route. I want to be sure that when it is ‘my time’ I leave with a clean slate. If I have wronged someone I intend to right it. If I have been misunderstood or ever said something I should regret, I want to know about it and clear it up. This is my psychological therapy that is more important to me than a vial of something vile. I know it sounds funereal, but I am a realist.

I should first add that the “scare” was fortunately just that, but one demanding constant vigilance. I am not opposed to that, as I always want to know. I just don’t want to do anything about it.

My family knows I love them unconditionally. And while we, like most families with kids, have had our battlegrounds, I need all erased. We are all adults now and need to function that way. Yes, I will always be Mom, but not the one in charge. I can let them be in charge of their own lives. I know I did a good job in making sure they know right from wrong and how to anticipate the consequences of their actions. They now need to make their own decisions and I am confident they will be good ones.

My friends know whom they are and that I love them. My work does not allow me the opportunity to see many people as my hours are not conducive to a great social life, but I try to keep in touch always.

My husband is my life source. We have been together forever and will be together forever no matter where I am. We, too, put on the boxing gloves every once in awhile. What married couple does not? But we come out of the ring with love and understanding. I admit being the difficult one and for that I am eternally sorry. But I think I am worth it on most levels.

Perhaps the message is that it should not take a medical scare to start the cleansing. We all need to clean up our actions and consider and that our reactions may need a bar of soap also. The clock is always ticking. Never have I been more aware of that.