Pamela Madsen

Shameless Woman

Having The Guts To Do Something Different

Letting go of our long held patterns and beliefs can be down right painful.

Posted Dec 21, 2013

It's one of the hardest things in the world to do: finding the guts to do something different.

That's what New Year's Resolutions are all about. It's about making a change. And making any kind of change in our long held patterns and belief system can be down right painful.That's why we often don't change or stick to our great resolutions.

Some of the favorite places that we often want to create change is in our relationship to food, body image, money and sexuality

Most of the people that I work with in my private somatic sex education coaching practice are interested in  learning how to re-wire neural pathways to sexual pleasure or they want to learn how to have a new relationship with their own bodies. They want to stop hating themselves, and they are wanting more in relationship. But it takes guts. Did I mention that?

When I talk to possible clients on the phone, they often say to me something like, "Just talking about doing something different is making my stomach hurt." It's scary to create the change that you want in your life, but once people make the leap they can't believe how their lives change - sometimes in very unexpected and wonderful ways. That's the reward!

The question remains: How do you do it?  My advice is to make a plan and get support. Pretty simple huh? Most of life is simple. It just takes a commitment to staying with something long enough that you let go of the old patterns and introduce the new way of being.

It takes a willingness to remind the people around you to also let go of the old patterns too. Do they keep reminding you that you feel fat? Do they drag you into the shapeless clothing department even after you start wearing form fiting pants? Can they love you into your changes?

Watch for the quicksand moments. What happens when we are triggered in our attempts to change?  What happens when you begin to feel restless, unsettled, anxious? Can you stop a minute and notice the hotness?

That moment when you instantly grab for something? You know the something....that thing that you do when you are in one of those moments. Do you constantly threaten to leave your relationship? Do you withdraw? Abuse a substance? Throw things? Is it the same thing that you do repeatedly? Does it get you anywhere different?

My guess, is that it doesn't. Think about doing something differently ahead of time.

When you feel it coming on, just stop for a minute. And bring in your pre-planned new pattern of behavior or wing it keeping your goal in mind.

It can be really hard to do this. We want to reach for the familiar because even in it's dysfunction - it comforts us.

Ask for support for this change in responses from your friends, lovers, partners, therapists and coaches. It's through this constant paying attention and witnessing of our own emotional reactions that we can create the sexy, playful, beautiful experiences that we want to fill our lives.

It takes guts and a plan to do something different, but the rewards are stupendous.

Cheering you on from here.

What do to after reading this blog?

Read Pamela's blog on Creating a Pleasure Plan.

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Want to know more about Pamela's work and her retreats for women? Go here.