Pamela Madsen

Shameless Woman

The Power of Seduction

True seduction is the opposite of sex.

Posted Jul 07, 2012

I love everything about seduction. It's about getting every ounce of juice out of every experience. And if you rush things, you can miss the best part. Seduction is all about savoring.

This morning I got inspired by a burlesque teacher who was talking about seduction. Burlesque is all about seduction and not about sex. This is what Kitty Cavalier of the School of Cheek and Charm  had to say "It's interesting that we associate seduction with sex, when in fact, true seduction is the opposite of sex. Sex is when desire is met. Seduction is not about the culmination or gratification of desire, it is about the thrill of the desire itself. It is the game that is played as the desire comes closer, and closer, and closer, and being able to maintain that tension of wanting for a long, long time".

"Seduction" is the first cousin of "Anticipation", and it's something that we enjoy on many levels, even when it comes to planning our vacations. In a recent article in the New York Times, "Planning The Perfect Vacation", the pleasure was in the anticiipation of the vacation rather than in the actual vacation! "

"A 2010 study by Jeroen Nawijn, a tourism research lecturer at Breda University of Applied Sciences in the Netherlands, examined the behavior of 1,530 Dutch adults and found that the 974 individuals who took a vacation achieved the greatest amount of happiness leading up to the trip.

His findings were in line with studies led by the psychologists Leigh Thompson of Northwestern University and Terence Mitchell of the University of Washington that examined travelers’ anticipation of, actual experiences on, and memories of vacations. The results, published in 1997 in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, found that regardless of the type of trip, vacationers were happier in the period leading up to their time off than during the vacation itself.

So booking your trip well ahead not only gives you an edge when it comes to logistics (getting the best room and often the best deal), it also helps build anticipation, which can boost happiness". 

For most of us, the bigger the "sexy occasions" are in our lives — the less frequently they occur. Living a happy, juicy life means extending the pleasure and we can do that with learning how to enjoy and practice seduction and anticipation. 

Seduction Skill Tips: 

Learn to say "No"!

There is so much sexy in waiting.  Do you want to know one of the most seductive things in the entire world? The ability to say "NO". No can be a very sexy word.  We all know that setting boundaries and saying no to certain situations is important and sometimes essential. But have you ever thought about "no" as being sexy? Try experimenting with your "no" and see how it feels.

How does it feel to hold the power and value yourself? How does it feel to withhold something that someone else wants? It's an interesting experience. Try it just to feel it even if you want to say "Yes".

Learn to consciously slow things down!

The key to seduction is to slow things down. How slowly does that fabulous burlesque dancer take off her gloves? She takes her time with every finger! I tend to think that things are not moving fast enough in my life. I want things now. But when I turn my thoughts to how I can seduce myself with ideas or possibilities - everything changes shape.

If I slow things down, I am able to notice that if I am not moving towards something that I thought that I wanted in my life then perhaps I am not truly seduced by it. Try looking at things through the lens of seduction. What is seducing you? And how can you slow down every meal in your life so that you can anticipate every delicious encounger, whether it is a meal or giving your lover pleasure. Can you make him/her whimper with desire? Can you move that slowly?

Deepak Chopra calls one of his meditation retreats, "Seduction of Spirit". That's because seduction can be a spiritual path. Seduction is not just something to be done with other people, but with everything we want in life. Where a "no" can be equally as satisfying as a "yes". And don't get me wrong —I love a great big fat YES!

But a "no" just means that there is a possibility that there is more fun to be had. Savor everything, and use the joy of seducation as a path to pleasure. Try it on today. What ever you are doing that is about to give you pleasure, slow it down and give it very short wait. I would love to hear how your experiment with seducation goes!

What To Do After Reading This Article:

Please leave a comment! I would love to know what you think about seduction! It's also kind to share! Please "Like it", and share it with your social networks like Twitter and Facebook.

If you would like to know more about Pamela Madsen's sex and intimacy coaching practice or learn more about her book Shameless, please visit her website -

More Posts