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According to a new study by a team of British researchers, when it comes to having orgasms and sexual pleasuare - many women are faking it simply "to be nice". It's not news that women fake orgasms, but this study expands the faking to any sexual pleasure at all simply to get the whole thing over with.
The study, conducted by Dr. Gayle Brewer of the University of Central Lancashire and Dr. Colin A. Hendrie of the University of Leeds, surveyed a small sample of 71 heterosexual women between the ages of 18 and 48 and asked them questions about noises or "vocalization" during sex such as: when during sex they made noise, what kinds of noises they made or words they used, and why they were making noise or talking during sex.
According to the study, 80% of the women admitted to making pleasure sounds such as moaning and groaning when they were not feeling any sexual pleasure at all and were actually praying for the sex act to be over. This may not be the same as faking orgasm but rather an indication that our questions about sexual pleasure are simply becoming more probing. These researchers asked the women if they were faking pleasure during foreplay as well as during vaginal intercourse. 25% of the sample faked pleasure sounds 90 percent of the time.
The odd thing this study revealed is that many of the women reported being the quietest when they were authentically enjoying sex and receiving pleasure including during oral sex or when the foreplay felt good. Apparently, just like the laugh track on a bad sit-com, they make the most happy sounds such as "ohhs" and "ahhs" when the sex act starts to not feel pleasurable or when they felt bored. Some of the women also reported they got the most vocal when they thought their partner was ready to climax in order to make their partner climax faster and boost their masculine self esteem.
Although they had the opportunity, there seemed to be very little in the study to investigate what women desired, or how their partners could have made the experience more satisfying, or, more importantly, why they did not communicate honestly with their partners about what felt good or what didn't. To me, this is the larger story revealed by a study about women being "sexual fakers".
This is a study about the inability of women to actually communicate to their partners about what turns them on and what doesn't. When I speak to my sex coaching clients, the most shocking thing I have learned is that most women don't even have a word or name they feel comfortable with to call their genitals. Too many of them simply refer to their genitals as a nebulous area "down there".
How are we supposed to communicate our pleasure if we are completely uncomfortable even naming our genitals?
In this day and age of sex toys and supposed sexual freedom for women - we are still in the dark ages when it comes to women having the language to communicate and share their understanding of their own sexual pleasure.
The inability to communicate with your sexual partner is what this study was really all about.
What do you think? Do you think that women fake sexual pleasure simply to be nice? Do you think that this is a bigger problem that relates to a woman's inability to understand her own pleasure?
