Pamela Madsen

Shameless Woman

The Art of Talking Hot

Talking hot is different than talking dirty and it can be an aphrodisiac!

Posted Feb 06, 2011

Talking hot is different than talking dirty. And I am fortunate to bear witness this weekend to the art of "talking hot" being practiced with skill and love.

I am on my book tour for Shameless, and I am spending the weekend with a couple who has been in relationship for 17 years. We are sitting in the living room chatting about summer plans when my host Al, comes out with how he is looking forward to taking a motorcycle trip with his honey across the country. "I know the trip will be long, but I am going to have the pleasure of my beloved's pelvis pressed against me for hours." Ladies and Gentlemen that simple sentence made me swoon!

And this went on all day - on and off in small and subtle ways. This couple erotized each other and let each other know this as casually as I have been known to pick on my husband.

I started to think about the last time my husband walked in the door and I said something like "Look at the hot man that just walked in my door! Santa came early this year!"

Words are foreplay. I think that we all forget that. How we talk to each other during the day can affect how the rest of our sex lives go.  What if our partners looked up from their newspapers while we are walking by to take out the garbage - and say something  like "Look at the ass on that tomato - I want to give it a bite!". What would that do to us?  Personally,  hearing my sweetie say something like that to me would  make me feel sexy and desirable.

Talking hot to each other is an art and it can be learned - and I think we should start to make it a habit. Talking hot is not saying to each other that you want to do a particular act to them - it is more subtle. It is gentler and smokier. When done right it should make the fire begin to burn just a little bit in your loins or bring color to your face.

It's a tip for the new monogamy. How we are able to keep our sexuality alive - our relationships burning. It can really start with words. It can start with telling each other in small ways throughout the day that we think each other is hot and sexy. Make it a practice. Decide that today - and every day, at least two times a day - that you will use words to communicate the hotness of your relationship or marriage. See what changes it will bring.