Sexual Futurist

New ideas and open conversations about sexuality

Steven Ing MFT

Affair-Proofing Your Marriage

Affair-proofing your marriage isn't a guarantee against catastrophe, but it's a great insurance policy.

You Deserve an Abuse-Free Life

Abuse, at any level, destroys a couple's ability to engage in successful and productive problem-solving.

How to Ruin Your Relationship in 5 Simple Steps

Becoming aware of these five simple steps will teach you how to protect, care for, and improve your relationships.

How to Resolve Conflicts in Relationships

Do you and your partner struggle to resolve conflicts peacefully? Learn how to argue without abuse.

Secrets to a Great Sex Life Revealed

The secrets to a great sex life include knowing what you like and what you don’t.

How to Put the Life Back in a Relationship

Want to take the "meh" out of your marriage? It may be easier than you think.

3 Rules to Fighting Fair in a Loving Relationship

Fair fighting is an essential part of any loving and lasting relationship. Learn how to fight fair while deepening intimacy.

Intimacy and Sex

Intimacy is the ability to safely share your life with another, free of any fear of censure, judgment, or even punishment, especially when it comes to sex.

Partnership vs. Adoption

Many people like the idea of partnership in their committed relationships, but the reality? Not so much.

Equity vs. Equality

People may agree on the meaning of equality, but how do they establish equity, or fairness, in their love lives?

Relationships Are a Negotiation

In relationships, we don't mindfully enter into negotiation. Instead, we simply count on love to carry the day. But what if it doesn't?

How to Get Men to Adopt New Thinking About Relationships

How do you get your man to take advantage of new thinking, new discoveries, old truths, and old truisms about couples, families, sex, or love?

Is Your Counselor a COVID Coward?

What I found in offering mental health treatment in a time of a global pandemic surprised me. I think it may surprise you too.

True Crime Sex Education: The Othered

No one wants to be the other. This is true generally but it is especially true in every aspect of human sexuality.

True Crime Sex Education

Part 1: What we can learn from sex offenders will surprise you — as well as help you.

Never Date a Man Who... Doesn't Have Any Real Friends

If a man has no friends or an intimate social support system, does that mean he doesn't need one? Nope. We're all members of a social species and friends are important.

Never Date a Man Who... Isn't an Adult on the Inside

Yes, we're a social species and yes, we're hardwired to fall in love, and yes we (mostly) all like sex. So what could possibly go wrong? 

Never Date a Man Who Can't Commit to an Abuse-Free Relationship

There are two types of people in this world: those who want to be free and those who want to have control. With which do you intend to build a romance?

Never Date a Man Who...Isn't Into Equality

Getting into a relationship based on equality doesn't just happen; you have to build it.

Never Date a Man Who...

OK, so that last boyfriend was a real pain. Good riddance to him but, how to find one of the good ones?

How Then Shall We Live?

Failure to integrate our sexuality and spirituality creates disaster because our values are there to guide us and without their illumination, we are blinded.

Sex Offenders and Church

Religion is supposed to help us sort out right and wrong, understand how we should live, and so on. So what goes wrong?

The Whole Shebang

In the last 30 years of my practice, those who have committed sex crimes have a 100 percent likelihood of three failures in their personal lives: career, friendship, and love.

Leaning Into Sexual Darkness

If we can understand how people came to make sexually criminal decisions, then we can help prevent future sex crimes.

What You Could Learn from a Sex Offender Counselor

Part 2: When I ask sex offenders the question, "What would you like to get out of therapy?" the most common response over decades is, "I'd like to know how this happened."

You Could Learn a Lot from a Sex Offender Counselor

For the last 21 years, I've worked as a sex offender counselor helping people who have been accused or convicted of sex crimes. We could all learn a lot from their stories.

Sex Addiction: Therapy's Dirty Little Secret

Any close examination of the term reveals a number of the field's dirty little secrets. None are pretty.

If Not Sex Addicted, Then What?

OK then, if it's not sex addiction, what is the problem? Well, for starters, it's worse than you think.

The Controversy Over Sex Addiction

So you think you're a sex addict? You might want to think again.

A Slow Hand

Most of us have experienced regret about getting into a committed relationship with someone who turned out, in hindsight, to have been so very wrong for us.

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