Sex in the Great Outdoors

With Spring's arrival, anyone's fancy might turn to this.

Posted Apr 18, 2019

Hooray! Hooray! The first of May! 

Outdoor “canoodling” begins today.

Find a far more common term that scans and you have a Springtime poem that is perhaps centuries old. It comes to my mind as soon as I see the first leaf buds on my backyard apple tree and when we have the first few days of weather hitting above 65. 

Just like early June is accompanied by “No more classrooms. No more books. No more teachers’ dirty looks,” certain seasons are associated with certain freedoms that poetry and song celebrate.

I certainly have empathy with those liberated from dreary school classrooms for months to come, but personally, I have never seen the delights of outdoor sex. If it’s in a meadow or private grassy patch under a tree (find that if you’re a city dweller!) it may seem romantic—but there are bound to be prickly stalks of something to annoy the back of the one who is on the bottom. And then there are bugs! I have allergic reactions to most bites so that I have to stop whatever I’m doing to scratch and keep on scratching ‘til whatever body part was bitten is red and swollen. That disturbs concentration if nothing else.

There are those who find the idea of making love on a deserted sandy beach to the sound of crashing waves inciting the passions the height of romanticism. In theory, maybe, but think of the sand fleas! Think where sand grains will end up on sweaty nude bodies! That certainly isn’t romantic or fun.

In general, there is a great deal to be said about changing the places where a couple usually has sex. Novelty increases both pleasure and passion. That’s why there are so many lusty movie scenes where the couple, overcome with desire, has sex on the kitchen counter, the stairway, in the shower, or standing against a wall. I hate to spoil your illusion if you think any of these would be terrifically hot. They certainly look that way on the screen. Take it from an older woman of many experiences—each of these scenarios is more uncomfortable than the other.  A soft resilient surface like a couch or a bed, and not a water bed, is really the most practical surface for two people in the acts of love.

Another reason, other than novelty, that sex outdoors appeals to so many people is the frisson of fear and sometimes excitement brought on by the possibility of being seen or caught. That fantasy is a common one for both women and men. If either in the couple had a high school experience of making out in a parked car and being interrupted by a policemen’s flashlight that memory might enhance the sense of the danger and the forbidden.

This essay was written not to dampen exciting and romantic fantasies. As I said, there are valid reasons for two people to seek out novelty in their lovemaking. Changing the scenery is an excellent choice for that. I write to ask the reader to think practically as well as amorously. I don’t want to be blamed when the aftermath of some adventurous idyll is scratches and bumps and bites and a mournful, "But Isadora said!”

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