Should We Kiss or Have Intercourse?

Young men engage in cuddling

Source: Mgalant: Wikimedia:

Are the men in the picture being sexually or romantically intimate? Is their cuddling physically or emotionally arousing? Are the young men simply celebrating after winning a rugby game, after partying at a fraternity party, or after passing the LSATs (law school exam)?

I am convinced that most aspects of development are on a spectrum rather than being categorical by nature. Certainly, sexual and romantic domains are excellent continuum candidates, especially during the formative years of childhood through young adulthood. But what are the earliest instances of sexual and romantic intimacy?

A recent longitudinal study by Li and Davis documents “developmental patterns that precede sexual intercourse.” This study uses Hansen et al.’s Adolescent Sexual Activity Index. Importantly, Hansen et al. noted, “Prior work has shown sexual behaviors to be ordered and progressive.”

Li and Davis use data from the English Avon Longitudinal Study of Parents and Children with over 5,000 adolescents, beginning at age 11 and following them through age 15. The information is based on computer-assisted self-interviews that assess reported sexual activities during the past year. The researchers grouped the sexual activities into low, moderate, and high intensity. Note that these data reflect heterosexual sexual activities.

Low Intensity: Kissed, been kissed, cuddled

By age 11, approximately one-tenth of boys and girls had engaged in at least one of these three activities with a peer. These numbers doubled by age 12; by age 13, nearly one-half had kissed, been kissed, or cuddled with someone of the other sex. Two years later, at age 15, nearly three-quarters had kissed or cuddled—a slightly higher percentage of girls than boys.

Moderate Intensity: Having someone put their hands under your clothing, doing the same to another, being undressed with your sex organs showing

The percentage of 12-year-old adolescents reporting these moderate-intensity activities were below 5%, slightly higher for boys. One year later, the percentage increased from 4% to 13%. By age 15, nearly one-third to one-half of girls and one-quarter to one-third of boys had engaged in these activities. Clearly, girls had moved ahead of boys in these “moderate” sexual activities—perhaps because of an earlier onset of puberty.

High Intensity: Oral sex, vaginal/anal intercourse

These more intense sexual activities increased from less than 1% at age 12 to 2% at age 13. However, by age 15, 24% of girls and 19% of boys had heterosexual oral sex; with intercourse, the percent was 20% of girls and 15% of boys. Again, girls appeared to be more advanced in both moderate and intense sexual activities.

Same-Sex Activities

Engaging in same-sex behavior at age 13 (not assessed at earlier ages) was negligible for all low-intensity activities, except for girls cuddling with other girls. By age 15, about 20% of girls had kissed or cuddled with another girl; for boys, about 4%. Very few 13-year-old girls or boys engaged in oral sex or intercourse with a same-sex other. By age 15, 1% to 2% of both sexes had touched a same-sex other’s genitals or had undressed in front of them with sex organs showing (perhaps a locker room phenomenon?). The percent who reported oral sex or intercourse with a same-sex other was less than 1%.

The incidence of same-sex activities—at all levels—was quite low for both sexes. Perhaps, these seldom occurred during early adolescence or they occurred but were not reported. An earlier study by Smiler et al. of same-sex attracted young men placed the mean age of same-sex kissing, touching, and oral/sexual intercourse as a year or two older than 15.

Take-Aways and Cautionary Notes

(1) Would the data hold for U.S. youths across various ethnic/racial and social class groups and geographical areas?

(2) These data are now a decade old. Do they hold for the younger generation? Are today’s middle and high schoolers starting earlier with low and moderate activities but holding off on the higher intensity varieties—those that most alarm public health and social scientist researchers and practitioners?

(3) Few researchers define “sex” in their research and thus it is difficult to understand their findings. More telling is that nearly all researchers omit any reference to a progression of sexual activities; not all sexual activities have equal developmental, social, or health repercussions.

(4) What motivates girls to be more advanced than boys—as this runs counter to our expectations?

Sex Essential Reads

Patriarchy, Religion, and the Myth of “Real Sex”

Why Your Best Sex Might Be a Red Flag

(5) Do these data suffice as supportive evidence for adults’ concerns with the sexuality of pre-adults—especially for sexual minorities?

(6) Those conducting sex research appear to loathe to break new ground or to be sensitive to the realities of young lives.