Melanie Davis, MEd, PhD, CSE

Melanie Davis MEd, PhD, CSE, CSES

Sex Ed in Small Doses

It's Not Too Late to Make a Sexual Resolution for 2015!

Measureable objectives can help you keep your sexual resolutions.

Posted Jan 04, 2015

A little time has passed since the New Year's Eve, and many resolutions have already been broken. No worries -- every day offers an opportunity to start anew, and that can be especially helpful when it comes to your sex life.

Resolutions are affirmative statements about something you want to change, and if your sex life isn't where you want it to be, you've made a good choice to resolve to make change happen. The key to success is to make resolutions you're more likely to keep. 

We break resolutions because they are too big and general. "I will have a better sex life,” or, "I won't date jerks" aren't helpful because they don't specifically state what you want to change and how you’re going to make it happen.

Try writing a resolution like a teacher writes goals and learning objectives: The goal is the big picture change you hope to see; the objectives are the observable, measurable, and time sensitive steps you'll take to achieve your goal. Let's look at an example regarding body image, since it is an important part of your sensuality and sexual self esteem.

Goal: "In order to feel more sexually confident, I will become more accepting and loving of my body."

  • Objective 1: "By the end of two months, I will have given away or sold any clothing in my closet that isn't a pleasure to wear."  
  • Objective 2: "Each day, I will look into the mirror and, out loud, give myself a compliment about my face or body." (Note: Compliment you, not your makeup, hair, or clothing or other artifices.)
  • Objective 3: "By the end of this week, I will have a written plan to increase my fitness and flexibility." 

Why are these objectives useful?  

The first one is good because if we're wearing clothing that is too big, too tight, or makes us feel crummy, we probably aren't moving with confidence or enjoying the sensuality of clothing that fits. You don't need a huge wardrobe of unflattering items; it's better to have a small number of things you feel good in.

The second objective is helpful because if we tell ourselves something regularly, we can start believing it. Look yourself in the eye and really mean what you're saying.

The third one is helpful because fitness and flexibility are two keys to good health, which contributes to better body image and, ultimately, more satisfying sex. Good sex isn't dependent on what you weigh; whereas your feelings about your body, plus your level of flexibility and endurance, will have a big impact.

Give this new way of creating resolutions a try, and if you slip up, remember that a new year begins every day, bringing with it another opportunity to attain your goals.

Read 16 New Year's Resolutions to Improve Your Sex Life for some ideas on where to get started. 

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