Moving Your Relationship from Meh to Meaningful

We set goals in many areas of life—career, finances, fitness—but often forget about our relationships. Relationships are foundational to our well-being, but they don’t always grow as intentionally as they could. This is where goal setting comes in, offering a north star for couples to bond, focus, and grow together.

Many couples I work with come in exhausted, overwhelmed, and disconnected, simply trying to survive. They often lack a clear vision or shared goals. Having specific, shared objectives can shift the relationship dynamic and provide a sense of purpose.

At the start of my relationship with Geoff, our dreams were wild and exciting—sailing around the world, living on a farm, and taking the kids on adventures. Years later, children grown, our goals have shifted to more relaxation and modest adventures. Still, travel, adventure, and creating together remain shared goals, keeping us invested in both the present and the future.

Geoff and still I regularly set and adjust our goals, now more short-term and practical, aligning with our current lifestyle and career demands. Regular check-ins and accountability keep us on track and help us stay aligned as partners.

Healthy goals in a relationship are driven by purpose, values, and mutual support. A secure relationship is built on the idea of two individuals growing both as partners and individuals. Although no relationship is perfect all the time, setting intentional goals can help you remain connected and focused on positivity rather than feeling lost or disconnected.

Balancing between the now and the future is crucial. When we feel stuck in the daily grind, future goals help lift us out. On the other hand, if we get too lost in future dreams, our present reality reminds us to stay grounded and grateful. Having a process for dreaming and setting goals together ensures that couples remain connected and continue to grow.

So, how do you set meaningful relationship goals? Start by identifying what you truly want, together. Reflect on your shared purpose and values, and from there, create specific goals. These could range from long-term goals like retirement travel plans to shorter-term ones like taking a weekend cooking class. The key is ensuring that the goals are mutual, inclusive, and align with the health of both individuals and the relationship.

The process of goal setting is first about dreaming, then communicating. Begin with a "blue sky" mindset in which anything is possible. Only later, when the dreaming phase is complete, should you narrow down what’s realistically achievable. This playful, exploratory phase can reignite the connection between you and your partner. Have fun dreaming together, and bring an attitude of lightheartedness and play into the process.

Of course, setting goals is not all fun and games. Once the dreaming is done, it’s time to set realistic goals that consider your current needs, resources, and where you want to go. The goals should be revisited regularly, refined as needed, and adjusted as life circumstances change.

Step-by-Step Goal Setting

1. Reflect on your shared purpose and values.

2. Determine the time frame for your goals.

3. Identify goals across different areas of your lives.

4. Refine your goals and choose your top five.

5. Review your goals through the lens of your relationship’s purpose and values.

6. Listen to each other’s thoughts and feelings about the goals.

7. Post your goals in a visible place.

8. Check in regularly to review progress.

By setting intentional, shared goals, couples can move from just getting by to a truly thriving relationship together. Goal setting allows both partners to dream, communicate, and build a future they are both excited about, keeping the relationship vibrant and meaningful.

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Carolyn and her husband Geoff

Source: Carolyn Sharp, personal photos