Better Ways to Manage Your Holiday Stress

Have you ever been stressed about being stressed? Well, that's the gift I give myself every December. In an effort to create the perfect holiday memories for my family, I fall into the same trap: I plan multiple projects and then stress about all of them (as well as the fact that I’m stressed). What if I’m the one ruining the season for my family?

It turns out, I’m not alone. A national report from C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital found that, in 2021, as many as one in six parents reported elevated levels of stress during the holidays, with mothers reporting nearly twice the rate of fathers (Clark et al., 2021).

Neuroscientists studying how seasonal demands affect our brains help us understand this intensity. The prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for organizing and executing tasks, goes into “overdrive” as responsibilities increase. Prolonged stress can even reduce memory and slow new brain cell production (Edwards, 2016), making post-holiday rest and balance an essential priority. However, lingering stress from financial pressures might disrupt this recovery.

Financial pressures rise sharply during the holidays. The C.S. Mott report found that nearly one in three families reports that money worries heighten their seasonal stress. This isn’t surprising given expectations around gift exchanges, increased travel, extra childcare during school breaks, and higher food costs for gatherings. These pressures are so ingrained in American culture that “Black Friday” is practically a national holiday and a business strategy.

How to Keep Your Holidays Joyful

Does all this holiday hype really make us happier? Despite heightened stress, a majority of people still report experiencing joy during the holidays (Clark et al., 2021; Kasser & Sheldon, 2002). How can that be?

One study suggests that rituals and traditions buffer stress and support family well-being (Páez et al., 2011). Religious or family rituals help people feel connected, part of something bigger, and more rooted in belonging (Kasser & Sheldon, 2002; Páez et al., 2011). These factors boost life satisfaction, positive emotions, and collective community feelings (Páez et al., 2011). So even with our elevated parental stress, we can stress a little less as these traditions themselves offer real protective and beneficial effects for our children.

Holiday stress is real, and often gendered. But we can all take a little pressure off of ourselves because traditions and genuine connection (not overspending or getting every detail right) are what truly drive joy and lasting memories. Here are four research-based ways to manage this holiday season:

1. Spend less; connect more.

Research shows that excessive holiday spending adds little to people’s joy and can even diminish it (Kasser & Sheldon, 2002). Feeling pressured to overspend often leads to guilt or debt, and uneven budgets within a family can create awkwardness. One study even found that recipients of relatively “expensive” gifts felt negatively about the experience (Kasser & Sheldon, 2002).

Instead, focusing on rituals and traditions tends to create the greatest sense of intimacy and unity. Simple yearly activities (baking cookies, singing around the Christmas tree, or decorating gingerbread houses with friends) foster the connection and joy that make the season meaningful. Setting a gift-spending limit for everyone can also help.

2. Model emotional regulation.

Prioritize self-care and model healthy stress management for your family. Be open about your feelings and how you plan to address them.

Naming your emotions is one powerful mindfulness practice shown to improve psychological well-being (Keng et al., 2011). It also shows children that setting boundaries to meet your own needs is healthy. Something I might say is, “I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I’m taking a 20-minute walk before tackling my ‘to-dos’.”

Also, asking for and accepting help lets everyone feel involved. If extended family offers support, take it—it lightens your task list and your mental load. Young children can help with simple chores, and older kids can assist with meal prep, organizing, or even wrapping gifts. It may not be perfect, but everyone participates!

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3. Focus on meaningful traditions.

Prioritize the traditions that truly matter to your family. Ask your children which past traditions stood out to them, focus on those, and let the rest go! It’s OK to say no to what doesn’t serve you or your family this season. When I did this myself, I was surprised that what my kids loved even more than gifts, parties, or my elaborate decorations was decorating cookies together.

4. Protect your routines.

Lastly, school holidays can feel endless when childcare is limited and the kids are home all day. Even though it’s their “vacation,” keeping some routines, especially around meals, snacks, and bedtimes, can be incredibly helpful. Even if you might have an overtired, sugar-filled child and a still-mile-long to-do list, you’ll have a rhythm to rely on. Help them, and yourself, by sticking to routines as much as possible.

As you move throughout the holiday season, know that you’re not alone—these months can be an awful lot! Fortunately, research brings us some relief. Our families do not need flawless holidays to experience joy; they need connection, communication, and steady rhythms and traditions that make them feel rooted.

So, if you’re looking for permission, here it is: Lean into the pieces that matter most, let the rest fall away, and take care of your own mental health. Your presence, not your perfection, is what you will all remember. You’ve got this!