How to Prolong Positive Feelings

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Oscar Wilde once said that there are two tragedies in life: not getting what you want and getting what you want. All pleasurable activities start out very enjoyable and, within a few minutes, we get used to it. No valued object lasts for very long, and final satisfaction forever eludes us.

Here are a few tips to increase everyday joy:

1. Savoring the moment

Savoring describes the ability to appreciate and enhance the positive experiences in one’s life. That is, positive events alone are not enough to produce happiness. People also need to be able to savor (relish) the positive feelings that arise from positive events (Bryant 2015). That is why people eat chocolate bars in pieces, waiting and savoring. When listening to a piece of music, you close your eyes to catch all the details.

2. The pleasure of variety

The great source of pleasure is variety. —Samuel Johnson

Increased exposure to stimuli is shown to cause habituation in areas ranging from tastes for food to tastes for consumer goods (Toohey, 2012). Habituation is a decrease in response to a stimulus after repeated presentations. However, variety reduces the rate of habituation. For example, the presentation of a novel food may slow down the rate of habituation. Food variety has consistently been shown in animals and humans to increase energy intake. This explains why we always have room for dessert.

3. The journey is the reward

When the stimulus ceases to be novel, we become accustomed to it (habituation). When our goal is achieved, we feel satisfaction, fulfillment, and pleasure—and those feelings then help us to learn and remember. The world is dull again until we find another subject to be excited about. This is the curse of everything being new. For the new is inherently unapproachable. Individuals make choices based on the values of the outcomes, and, in turn, the choices alter the values of the outcomes. The true reward is the journey itself. The discovery of new knowledge (and experiences) is a key ingredient to meaningful life.

4. Scarcity makes everything desirable

Scarcity prioritizes our choices, and it can make us more effective. When we have little time left, we try to get more out of every moment. Distractions are less tempting. For example, college seniors tend to get the most out of their time before graduation. We will enjoy our lunch more for being deprived of breakfast. Literally, hunger is the best sauce.

Sometimes people want things precisely because they cannot have them (“The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence”). Scarcity also contributes to an interesting and meaningful life. A life without limits would lose the beauty of its moments, and it would become boring. Research shows that reminding individuals of the reality of death increases the value of life (Strenger, 2011).

5. The less-is-more effect

In the context of relationships, it is certainly the case that the more is known about others, the more they are liked, on average. However, our everyday experience shows that familiarity leads to less liking. As we learn more knowledge about others, our overly optimistic impressions can be tempered, leading to decreased liking. The reason for this is that our initial impressions are overly positive in part because of mistaken perceptions of similarity to unknown persons (Norton 2007). At first contact, individuals read into others what they wish and find evidence of similarity, leading to liking. Over time, however, as evidence of dissimilarity is uncovered, the liking decreases. Helen Fisher claims that people fall in love with individuals who are somewhat mysterious.

Experts say that “playing hard to get” is a most effective strategy for attracting a partner, especially in the context of long-term love (or marital) in which a person wishes to be sure of their partner’s commitment. A “hard to get” player likes to appear busy, create intrigue, and keep the suitors guessing. Playing hard to get ensures that the other person is ready to make a commitment to an enduring relationship.