What Parents Want: The Importance of Giving to Receive

Parents often yearn for love, appreciation, and meaningful connections with their children. Interestingly, the process of "getting" what they want frequently hinges on their ability to "give" these same qualities to their kids. The reciprocal nature of relationships—particularly between parents and children—emphasizes that the values parents instill and the bonds they nurture often circle back to them in meaningful ways.

Parents want to feel loved and appreciated. They deeply value expressions of gratitude and affection from their children, which reinforce their sense of worth and acknowledge the sacrifices they’ve made. They also seek connection and respect through meaningful conversations, shared moments, and being treated with dignity. Additionally, parents want to feel valued as role models, hoping their teachings, values, and life lessons are acknowledged and embraced by their children.

Research underscores the reciprocal nature of parent-child relationships. When parents actively give love, understanding, and respect, they are more likely to receive these same qualities in return. This concept is supported by intergenerational relationship studies, such as those published in The Gerontologist¹ and the Journal of Family Psychology. For example, when parents express unconditional love and support, children learn to reciprocate these emotions. Emotional warmth from parents creates a foundation of trust and security, leading to stronger bonds as children mature.

Acts of gratitude from parents, such as recognizing their children's efforts and achievements, model the importance of thankfulness. Research from the Greater Good Science Center² shows that gratitude fosters emotional closeness, making children more likely to express appreciation toward their parents. Similarly, by showing respect for their children’s individuality and opinions, parents encourage mutual respect. Research published in the Journal of Marriage and Family³ highlight that respectful communication strengthens family cohesion and reinforces parents' role as trusted confidants.

The concept of giving to receive is rooted in emotional reciprocity. When parents consistently invest in their relationship with their children through time, empathy, and shared experiences, they create a dynamic in which children naturally feel inclined to return these gestures. Shared experiences deepen connections and instill a sense of togetherness, leading children to seek out opportunities to recreate these moments with their parents. Parents who listen empathetically and validate their children’s feelings often receive the same understanding as they age, fostering a reciprocal support system. Additionally, teaching values like kindness, respect, and family loyalty ensures these qualities are reflected in how children treat their parents in the future.

For parents, giving love, understanding, and respect is not just about fulfilling their role—it’s an investment in the relationship. By giving what they hope to receive, parents create a foundation for enduring love and connection. This cycle of giving and receiving strengthens familial bonds and ensures that parents' emotional needs are met through mutual care and respect. Parents who give thoughtfully and consistently are more likely to receive the same in return, creating a harmonious and fulfilling relationship that benefits both generations.

You can start right now by implementing the following action steps:

• Model giving.
• Limit technology use when the family is together.
• Limit talk about yourself, your work, and other external variables.
• Use props and games like Jenga to facilitate playfulness.
• Focus discussions on topics that are important to children to bring them out and get them talking, or ask them to pick discussion topics.
• Listen with undivided attention when the children are talking.
• Write a holiday letter of appreciation to your children to demonstrate how it's done.

In essence, parents who give thoughtfully and consistently are more likely to receive the same in return, creating a harmonious and fulfilling relationship that benefits both generations.