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...you clearly have a big heart!
Great article and wishing you the best.
Melanie Notkin
The grief hit me in my mid-thirties without warning.
By all appearances, my life was fantastic, or pretty close. I had a great job in New York City, good friends, some good dates. But then there were times, lonely days and nights, when I would cry. I would sob. I would lie in bed awake for hours, tears running onto my pillow. I was in mourning, but I didn't know it.
Having experienced the same feeling for a few years, I now know the grief was over being childless, or more poignantly, over the loss of the baby I never held in my arms. By that point in my life I had expected to be married and a mother to at least two kids. I was far from it: Still very single, no kids. Passing by a new mother and her infant strolling down Broadway would rattle my womb. Even seeing a woman swollen from seven or eight months of pregnancy would make my petite frame feel invisible and small. The sadness I'd feel around my period was deeper than hormonal. I was mourning the loss of one more chance at the family life I always dreamed of.
And I grieved alone.
Grief over not being able to have children is acceptable for couples going through biological infertility. Grief over childlessness for a single woman in her thirties and forties is less accepted. Instead, it's assumed we just don't understand that our fertility has a limited lifespan and we are being reckless with chance. We're labeled "career women" as if we graduated college, burned our bras, and got jobs to exhibit some sort of feminist muscle. Or, it's assumed we're not trying hard enough, or we're being too picky. The latest trend is to assume we don't really want children because we haven't frozen our eggs, adopted, or had a biological baby as a single woman.
This type of grief — grief that is not accepted or that is silent — is referred to as disenfranchised grief. It's the grief you don't feel allowed to mourn because your loss isn't clear or understood. You didn't lose a sibling or a spouse or a parent. But losses that others don't recognize can be as powerful as the kind that is socially acceptable.
Let me be clear: When you're over 35 and heartbroken over a breakup with the guy who you hoped would be "the one," or haven't had a good date in a while, or watch your close friends go on to their second or third pregnancy, it's hard. It's disarming. And sometimes, it's unbearable.
I've always loved being around babies. I couldn't get enough of my newborn nieces and nephew. Not having my own, I felt like the world, in one big swoop, was moving forward and I was being held back.
Turning 40 helped. Just the anticipation of turning 37... 38... 39... and remaining single was creating more anxiety than anything else in my life. Once I hit 40, I realized that despite my dreams (and my deep biological and emotional desire to be a mother), I was still happy for all the other things in my life. Being an aunt was (and will probably always be) my greatest joy. Starting my own business, becoming an author, and fulfilling my professional potential have been extraordinarily rewarding.
I'm 42 now, and I've quietly moved on. Becoming a mother at this point would be a very happy surprise. Of course, I still have my moments. That hard-won peace of mind can be interrupted by an unexpected package from a PR agency sending me a onesie for promotion. (There's something about a onesie I have no use for that is especially tender). Or when people assume I never wanted kids because I don't have any. Or when they act surprised when I reveal that I do. Or worse, presume that I am happier for being childless, or more fortunate for not having to "worry about kids." Some have even come to call me "childfree" — a term coined by those who have chosen never to have children and have no desire to have children — simply because I've "chosen" to wait for love. I not only have to cope with my circumstantial infertility, but I have to defend my desire to be married to someone I'm crazy about before conceiving. I have to defend why I'm not a mother when it's all I ever wanted to be.
The grief over never becoming a mother is one I will never get over, like the grief over losing my own mother 23 years ago. But like that kind of grief, with time, it's no longer constant or active. Yes, there's still hope that I'll meet a man who has the desire to have a baby with me and will be prepared to be with me through the treatments I may need to make that happen. Or who will grieve with me should they not work. But mainly, I just keep going, looking for love. Thankfully, there's no biological time limit on that dream.
I cautiously hold on to the hope that I may still have a chance to hold my baby in my arms — and that I am still attractive to men who want children, too. I know I'm not alone. I am one of the 18 percent of American women between the ages of 40 and 44 who are childless. Pew Research reports that half of this group has chosen that fate; they report that they are childfree by choice. The rest of us, about 1 million American childless women ages 40 to 44, suffer from biological or circumstantial infertility.
How we choose to move on from this grief is now the focus of our own kind of happily ever after. And I must say, I plan for my happy to indeed be ever after. And hopefully, it won't be alone.
Facebook image: Sam Wordley/Shutterstock
I finally read something on
Submitted by Anonymous on May 23, 2013 - 7:28pm
I finally read something on the subject of being childless over 35 that resonates with me. I am 39 and just kind of expected things would fall into place, that I would meet someone fall in love and then have kids. Well, I haven't met that someone, and trust me, I've tried. I do believe in love before marriage. I'm not unrealistic nor too idealistic. But I just couldn't settle for something that never felt right. So here's to hope to living a full life as much as possible with or without kids.
true
Submitted by meenu on May 29, 2015 - 3:06am
This is exactly what I feel. it is difficult to explain to those who think they are in love or who took the step of marriage and can manage it even with a bit of love....But for me marriage can't be a practical thing to do...I believe in it so much that either it has to feel right or i would not pretend..Like I cannot pretend to pray. glad to know i m not alone
Entitlement
Submitted by Entitlement on June 11, 2015 - 1:59am
Granted, I don't know you or your situation, however, being in New York City, I have lost count at the number of single women in their 30s, many of them friends of mine, who lamented being single and childless whilst continually passing over men and relationships for overly trivial matters (e.g., woman is 5'1 but will not date any man under 6'0; woman wants someone to spend a lot of time with her but won't date any man who doesn't have a prestigious job, which, by definition requires long work hours)
Some people are truly just unlucky in love, but many more have a sense of entitlement that's blinded them to what's really important until it's much too late
This is music to my ears
Submitted by Mike on August 25, 2015 - 10:37pm
Men are truly fed up with being treated like crap when we volunteer to take on the role of protection, guidance and bread winner.
We go down with the ship. We go to war. We step in front of the bullets. We go downstairs when that strange noise is heard. We do a whole lot more to ensure a woman can be safe and have children. But men are going our own way now because there's nothing in it for us. The sentiment is that women can do anything a man can. Then impregnate yourself and pay the $250K to raise the child.
This article is less about not having a child and more about her personal feelings of rejection from the beau of her choice. Sorry but the 50 Shades is a fantasy.
Music to your ears?
Submitted by Sandra on December 14, 2015 - 4:47am
Hi Mike,
I was a little surprised to read your comment. Do you really think that you can paint all women with that same brush?
It is sad to read that you feel there is nothing in it for you? A relationship that is healthy provides both people with an immense opportunity to evolve, learn and love. It is so much more than material comfort.
I hope you have discovered this.
Best,
S
Serves Modern Women Right Hahahahahahahahahahahaha
Submitted by William Mobberley on September 17, 2016 - 7:24pm
Your reaction shows that in common with vast numbers of women, you are either clueless or in denial.
Maybe this ghastly generation of have it all harridans need to learn this lesson so the next generation can watch their misery and learn from that.
You modern women are not all that. You have virtually nothing to offer. You cannot see it so it's men's fault for not wanting you.
I wouldn't touch you with a barge pole. Sorry but that is the awful truth and there are millions of men who feel the same way. This is what feminism has done. It has enabled modern women to have their fancy pants career, to be aggressive, independent etc. but it cannot force men to like what you have become. Enjoy your cats.
Enjoy your cats!
Submitted by Truth Bomb on October 17, 2016 - 3:19pm
These three words sum it up beautifully.
Oppenionated comment without supporting material
Submitted by Tatjana on April 20, 2017 - 3:08pm
@Truth Bomb Before you categorize women as dependent and independent please define what that means. Also please explain how independent women have nothin to offer and what do dependent women offer? Also what does a man like yourself offer in a relationship? All together your comments are bias, non specific and non educating. ZERO benefit from reading it. Thank you!
Disgusting
Submitted by Jenn on January 29, 2017 - 9:39am
Disgusting horrid comments. As a beautiful kind caring woman who's not picky down to earth I've been on hundreds of dates in my life only for men to mistreat me bc I'm beautiful and they're insecure. Men are the evil ones not the women and they abuse kind women. You need serious help most of you crazy men out there
My experience
Submitted by Denise on November 19, 2017 - 6:25pm
I met a guy when i was 17 and he was 22. He was a saint really, kind hearted, wanted to get married to me and have 4 or so kids. I cheated on him before my 18th bday and he then found out and threw me out. I ended up with a series of relationships with jerks, abusers, and infertile or sterilized men with kids themselves. Im now 44 and childless and want to hurt myself everyday i threw away the one kind guy for a night of sex. Wrecked my life.
Men
Submitted by Daniel C Younker on October 22, 2019 - 2:00am
Men are intrinsically evil. You are the insane one. People are good or evil based on the actions they take, not for anything inborn.
You're just a bigot. Seek God with a sincere heart. The teachings of the Catholic Church (the original church of the Apostles) is the one true church.
argh...
Submitted by cry on October 15, 2016 - 9:07pm
Another woman, trying to con a man into thinking a man has anything to gain from a one sided relationship...
A sucker marries a woman, works long hours so she can stay home to raise their 3 kids... as this man is working himself into a early grave, she of course "feels" lonely and starts screwing the pool guy... She divorces her sucker, and now he has to work even harder, to pay the "mother" child support on top of his new studio apartment costs, as the house was given to the cheating ungrateful trash
So Sandra, please show me what men get out of a marriage, and all that bs you claimed, is not something a man gets out of any relationship only massive debt and child support payments...
Men get nothing women get their material things she wants....
50 shades of gray?????
Submitted by Dolly on August 17, 2016 - 8:37pm
He was an abusive jerk and I do not know many who would want him for real. This article was about the mourning and not blaming a silent partner. This is about the yearning and anxiety in the search and the introspective begging life to send someone who will love you. It's about physical pain knowing others get these things and you think everything from what's wrong with me to crying for hours because it is a dream that seems so close and yet so far. And you have to go out and be faced with it and move on. People ask about kids and it kills to say you do not have any and they say well you are better off. You think I'll trade you any day.
50 shades of bs
Submitted by cry on October 15, 2016 - 9:14pm
So he was abusive to her, she asked for it. And would you consider the woman that dominated him *teaching* as abusive knowing he asked for it as well ?
MGTOW
Submitted by Jason on September 24, 2016 - 2:29pm
Notice men are giving insight as to why this is the problem, but of course, it had better not be about you then its about her,
Its terrible what this woman is going through, but i have no sympathy.
When Divorce and break ups are initiated by the woman more then 70% of the time, it sends a clear msg that men are not worth it, well hunny, sorry to tell you, but niether are you,
You are not worth putting up my lifes work at risk, you are not worth the amount you would set back my life, you are not worth me being the only one of the two of us that can be jailed, even if you are the only one that threw a punch. you are not worth the heartache of having our kids ripped from us, you just.... are not... there is no nice way to put it.
The best bet you have, riase your daughters with a different attitude then what you had or w atch another entire generation of women grow up with the same fate,
As for me, my lifes goals are to make as much money as i can, and to die with the most toys as anyone else.
Because its that which will still be there when the dust settles that matters most.
Fired up
Submitted by Stacy on October 18, 2016 - 10:59am
Wow all the men are so fired up! Can't say I disagree with them.
An awful mess
Submitted by Chris C. on January 19, 2017 - 11:35pm
I'm sad to see it come to this, but it was rather predictable considering the ideological underpinnings of feminism. It doesn't have to be this way. In East Asia, men and women have little tension. And there is great freedom for women to do whatever they want. We are doing something wrong. Are we too arrogant to stop and say "uh-oh, we've made a mistake; it's time to find the wrong beliefs and throw them away forever." Or will we double down on our ideological bets? I see no signs that we will not choose the latter.
Single, childless after 40
Submitted by kathleen on October 18, 2016 - 2:26am
Mike, IDK you, but I am not @ all who you described & I am sad that you put me in this category. Who has hurt you? Seriously I truly mean it. I am not going to tell you about my story unless you share with me who has hurt you..I am serious, & would like to know the real Mike, who I know is in a lot of hurtful pain & been screwed up like me. I am here if you want to really talk about it between us.
I didn't read anything in
Submitted by Kaitlynn on March 10, 2017 - 8:34am
I didn't read anything in this article that had anything to do with blaming men for anything. What are you talking about? Did you read the article?
MGTOW is right
Submitted by Joseph on April 11, 2019 - 11:07am
Mike you are on the money. The whole wife/kids thing is a losing proposition. Now all these women are hitting the wall after squandering their youth on the carousel of men as they swing thru the branches to get the next "Better Man". Even with all that, the author does not care a whit about a man and a family, it is about Her having a baby. The male part would become expendable.
True - I am a man who is going his own way
Submitted by Lou on May 26, 2019 - 1:01am
Perhaps the women who remain childless and single in their mid 30s are there by choice. They won't admit that they chose to not marry and not have kids, they instead insist that it is not too late. They may be starting later, but they can catch up.
The last 3 women I dated have had impossible expectations. One woman was 43 1/2 and a nurse. She always spoke about having children in the plural. At one point she said: "I'm only 43". I can't imagine anyone, male or female, thinking 43 meant that there was still time left to have a baby.
Her girl friends were hooked on forever fertility dreams as well. Though they had their kids when they were young and fertile, they assured my girlfriend that she would make a great mom. Their husbands had been well trained and agreed that we would both make great parents. I am unable to comprehend how a couple in their mid 60s would be good parents to a high school kid, as the last of our children learned to drive and prepared for college. I quickly learned it was time to throw all reality out the window. There is no room for dissension from the forever fertility delusion.
The woman before her was in her mid 30s and felt that no man was good enough for her. She demanded that a man have lots of time for her. She expected me to quit my job and drop out of college so I'd have to depend on her to support me. I guess I would have to stay home and raise the kids while she held a job and the purse strings. I refused and she dumped me. The woman after her was positive that women could become pregnant till the start menopause in their late 40s. The truth is that the eggs go bad. They become darkened and misshapen. The exterior of the eggs become tough and hardened. This begins around age 35 and by the time the woman turns 40, she is infertile. A woman may continue to have periods every month until her late 40s, but she cannot conceive.
I'm not sure how women know so little about female reproduction. this is where hysterical pregnancy comes in to play. Women insist they are pregnant when they are late because of menopause beginning. Of course no baby arrives, but that does not force them to face reality.
Some disagreement
Submitted by Mother nature on September 1, 2020 - 5:48pm
Yes - much easier to conceive when younger - however I know of more than 1 case in which women 42 or so conceived more than once - their 1st birth taking place in early 40s. However I can assure u, one cannot fool with Mother Nature! However with today's treatments & ' miracles there is definitely hope! But I Wouldn't Push My Luck!
Bingo!
Submitted by Mani on May 26, 2019 - 1:36am
Couldn't agree with you more Mike. These are exactly my thoughts on the issue as well. Men have been treated like trash all along by women. Women like to play victims and have for long been taking men for a ride. So, men choosing to go their own way and have nothing to do with women is something that was waiting to happen. The MGTOW me movement is picking up pace in India as well. Soon, this will be the norm.
Mike is one bitter lemon...
Submitted by Anson on July 17, 2019 - 10:21am
Mike...
being human is not easy as a general rule of thumb, male or female.
We are all in this together and the society that we have created (from the times where women were not allowed to enter professions such as medicine or law, to the time they finally got allowed to vote), is all part of our evolution.
Man has ruled, conquered, got himself in front of bullets, protected their families and worked for food on the table.
And women have endured submissive lives we can't even begin to comprehend.
Give society a chance.
Change takes time.
It's not even 50 years ago since women were on the streets burning their bras to get equal rights.
Have patience, but above all, have heart.
People.....have heart.
Hate never helped a thing.
Combined with ...
Submitted by The Void Speaks on August 28, 2015 - 2:57pm
Add in the truly nightmarish bureaucracy of the divorce court system and men are really gun shy about entering a contract that has a real potential to destroy any assets you have built up and render you an indentured servant to the state.
No sympathy
Submitted by James Martin on August 29, 2015 - 7:23am
It is obvious to me that they all fall for the feminist line of you can have it all. Well girls, I was the guy you want now, 6'3" tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, trust fund that I blew off to go serve my country. Got married at 23 to a woman most would say is not in my class, but had the heart of gold. Together we had 6 kids, 14 grand kids and 1 great grand baby to date. All those that rejected my in the past are now lonely cat herders.
What a joke you are!
Submitted by AC on August 7, 2018 - 3:47pm
I'd rather be a cat herder then have 6 kids with a narcissistic prick like you. 6 kids huh..?! My friend has 5 and has chronic painful migraines.
If you were really happy with
Submitted by R on April 11, 2019 - 12:04pm
If you were really happy with your lot in life, you would be counting your blessings and not keeping score against the people who you weren't right for. Who does that? Enjoy your grandkids old man.
lovely....
Submitted by Milo on July 17, 2019 - 10:06am
'Got married at 23 to a woman most would say is not in my class'....that in itself makes you sound like such a lovely person, mate. A real gem (not).
And the comments on here are just so hateful and filled with resentment. They wholly generalize and bear no love whatsoever.
The world has changed, people have changed, roles have changed...it takes time to adjust to all of that.
We are going through these issues as a collective, and a little bit more compassion (this goes both way) would be more constructive than petty bursts of anger.
Take responsibility for your own lives! Stop generalizing, let's respect ourselves and have the heart to help each other though this hard adjustment we are all going through.
The finger blaming culture needs to stop.
I know all too many women
Submitted by Kurt Steinberg on August 31, 2015 - 5:25pm
I know all too many women with major entitlement issues like this. A lot of them are approaching 40 or are into their 40s and are bitter old crones now. They had a lot of suitable men after them when they were younger, but overlooked those men for being too nice or boring or for some other trivial reason. Now that they are older and used-up, the type of men they casually rejected in their youth wouldn't even date them today...
Reply to Entitlement
Submitted by jo on March 23, 2016 - 10:39pm
The scenario you've shared are not relevant to the article. It's quite possible some individuals are "picky!" but it's quite clear the "type" of woman that is being described here is the opposite of the ones you've pointed out. If I'm honest comments like these are not helpful and injure the most.
Entitlement?
Submitted by Koko on April 3, 2016 - 12:25am
Wow. This is why men scare me. The combination of zero understanding of how it is to be a woman today mixed with the patronising and dismissive attitude to a woman's emotions make me want to remain a hermit separate from this world.
From the day you become a woman you are subjected to unwanted sexual advances, objectification, unreal expectations and general judgment - no matter what you do.
My own state of childlessness is the result of a lot of trauma with men as I was alone, unprotected and romantically inclined, even if totally blind to the reality, when I was young.
Most men are the ones who feel entitled!
There are good ones, human ones, but they're hard to find - and who would choose to partner with a man who felt this way about women?
Not me.
And you would not choose me either - and that's totally ok!!
I would hate to bring a girl into this world right now without a very positive male example and knowing they are a person first and foremost, not just a gender.
Love shmove! It exists, but very rare.
Better to have none than have them with some of the male commenters here.
I'll die out with my genes. I don't mind. It's not the world I once thought it was and men in general are a disappointment.
I'm not rushing out to buy some sperm to make a baby to justify my life as a female. I wouldn't wish this patriarchal society upon a boy or a girl!
People suffer - male and female. Be kind. Be open minded to the suffering of others.
Mostly, don't judge. You don't know how someone got where they did. If you did, you might learn something about this world and become a better person.
Ugh. Why did I read this
Now you know why you are
Submitted by Cindy on June 7, 2016 - 11:15am
Now you know why you are single. Just mimicking the idiot box of feminism.
Pathetic replies
Submitted by Ina on August 15, 2016 - 4:05am
Amazing how male readers have replied to this piece. This woman was speaking from the heart. I know where she is coming from. Stop blaming feminists or "entitlement " for women being single and childless. For your information, not every Young female has a surplus of males wanting to date them. This is a myth carried out by men who associate youth with women being "hot." Some young women are shy, some focus on college or working and don't go out much. Others just don't meet a lot of men. Too many young males these days spend more time entertaining themselves to Internet porn rather than going out to meet real women. You don't know what author of this article experienced. You don't know what I've experienced. Stop judging and start listening. Maybe you'll learn something about how other people have lived.
Pathetic replies for sure.. sadly.
Submitted by NoGlamour on September 21, 2018 - 6:51am
Thank you Ina for your comment. I just had to add to it from my own experience. I was sexually abused as a child - by those great, wonderful, poor and suffering men, yes.. - and for some reason always attrracted unhealthy sexual attention. I have never been the type to go to bed on the first (or /3/4th) date unless I feel there is more to it than sexual attraction. I had never been 'glamorous', no jewellery, no big boobs, no regular beauty treatments etc. I read books and went cinema. The only guy who showed me true kindness and did not try to abuse me from a start is the partner I've been with for almost 20 years now. Unfortunately, he is 17 years older than me. Very low sex drive, if any, for most of our life together but a very kind heart.
I am in deep depression now for the fact I never had children and most probably never will.
I look at the younger men and the girls they chase and it's almost always the 'trophy' ones. The kind that has 20 admirers any time. Do men learn anything form it? NOpe. They complan they are being rejected for whatever and blame the girls for wanting something 'unrealistic'. My own father, divorced twice, when I asked him, admitted he does not choose his women by their intelligence but by the looks.. There you are.
I do not exactly go for all that feminism etc but I feel sad at how insecure most men are and remain so without questioning.
And this same sneering and
Submitted by Mario Rodgers on March 31, 2019 - 11:11am
And this same sneering and hateful attitude towards men are why fewer and fewer people are taking feminism seriously.
Men and women are dealing with the same problems.
Submitted by atom on July 25, 2020 - 7:07pm
Completely agree that not all young women just have an abundance of men they can choose from. Theres some guys that overestimate this concept with women. I'm sure theres also a lot of guys who have the same problems women might have; shy, focused on work, or just not able to meet women so they retreat to the porn or computer games or whatever. Online dating seems to be a crap shoot too, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Theres also a generational effect here in that more women are getting educated and are therefore prioritizing careers/education over getting married unlike the past. Thats not to say they don't want to get married, but that it isn't the only focus anymore. Throw in the wealth divide which will only continue to get worse makes kids and a house a lot more difficult than in your parents and grandparents days.
Entitled
Submitted by Obsure Poster on September 6, 2016 - 3:08pm
I would like to quote your statement " There are good ones, human ones, but they're hard to find - and who would choose to partner with a man who felt this way about women?" - You're right their all good ones and you rejected them because he was too skinny or too fat, or you did not admire his career aspirations. You , and when I say you I do not mean just you personally but I mean most of you women ignored that nice guy at the coffee shop that said hey let's meet again and next time have coffee together, or the nice guy at the grocery store or church or many other places men are getting desperate at trying to find a nice girl. You women are brain washed by TV you want a man that has a six pack millions of dollars in the bank, and to bend to your every will oh and by the way what makes you think that guy would fall for you? Some of you are offering NOTHING! I mean you're freaking LOSERS! and that's ok if you work at the bowling ally we don't care but do NOT hold us to the other standard. Then we go to the dating websites and what gives you the right to have him pay for everything take you to dinner then you decide you're interested well if you want to get to know me get to know me over a glass of WATER!! and why must we always drive to your part of town? Where does the audacity come from? The entitlement you women have! I'm sick of it! When is the last time you heard a man say I would have dated her but she was not as ambitious in her career? We do not care if you are a cashier, bag girl or dump truck driver nor do you need a fabulous body the main requirement we have is that you have the right attitude. Many single women have kids but don't want the man to have kids and your requirements are just ridiculous. Thankfully I have COMPLETELY GIVEN UP on you American women and am looking abroad. And ladies many other men are waking up too. We're going outside of America and realizing hey, we don't have to put up with these absurd dating requirements and horrible attitudes. The crazy part is when we do travel outside the US even though we did not have a high requirement on looks we generally do much much better outside the US getting a beautiful wife with much less headaches. And before you women and some of you men that are brain washed by all the man hating feminism that has taken over the United States let me end this with. I've been with my girl for almost ten years and we have had our struggles she's not perfect and I'm far from it but we're making it work. I have sisters so this was not a woman hating post I'm just sick of all the entitlement and loops men have to jump through, I'm glad I'm out of that circle and just like my woman is a rare find their are good women out there too so men it's like finding a diamond under a rock almost never happens but just go through enough of the used up, horrible attitudes and you will find someone that is not perfect because none of us are but you will find someone that works for you
seriously
Submitted by haha on September 17, 2016 - 3:52am
all I hear from you is the same old typical female b.s. Claim victimized, that know man could know, deflect everything back on men. Its pathetic. Those crying about what that dont have now weren't concerned about it before. And those on here saying the same things or worse than I are simply tired of all your collective female bullshit. Learn responsibility and that choices have consequences so if you have an issue get a tissue. Enjoy you pity party. all this article is is a bid for attention.
Oh hell no....
Submitted by cry on October 15, 2016 - 9:28pm
you want to blame men for staying away for the unneeded drama, the bs of having his life ripped apart when the trash runs off with the pool boy....
Don't get pissed off at men for "Objectifying" women, go complain to the actual women that get paid for objectifying their bodies.
You want women to be praised for their biological need of emotions, but condemn men's biological need to procreate. Imagine a world that men had NO sex drive, or the constant need of sex... We wouldn't be here, a man would hear all the drama and needless nagging, and run in the other direction.
Most men are the ones who feel entitled! Please, only in your head. Men want 3 things, Feed me, Fuck me, Shut the fuck up.... very simple, but no, you have to bring in drama.... Generally women want a man to grovel at her feet, thanking her for even looking at him, much less marry them.
Entitled Women:
Gets married
Has kids if the husband wants them or not
Since the husband is constantly working to pay for your shopping addiction, you are lonely and start screwing the pool boy
File for Divorce, get the house kids, alimony child support so you can sit on your ass, collecting all the money.... Yeah it is men that are entitled... you have a few screws loose
Dismissive
Submitted by Nk on October 16, 2016 - 5:50pm
I am a woman and I agree with almost all the men who have commented so far. I can guarantee that this chick turned down a bunch of good guys in her youth. She thought shed find better. And she didnt. She failed. And people pick up on her failure all the time. Oh well, thats life. She has to live with the fact that she made some shitty decisions and didnt mature fast enough out of her entitled ego to find the kinda man she wants.
Some people exist to show the rest lf us not to do.
Sorry hun. Thats called adulthood, facing your mistakes. I know, its a shock, because as a female in the west your feelings have been coddled most of your life
This bs the above commentator is saying about how women are treated sooooo bad is absolute myth
Alpha dicks have always been dicks and always will be to both men and women. Hot girls have always been bitches to other women and non alpha men.
Non alpha men are generally lovely curtious creatures and this woman thought she was too hot for one of them.
Maybe you should adopt one of thise children who was born into unlucy circumstances. Make up for the bad decisions.
Response to NK
Submitted by C on February 20, 2017 - 10:41am
Hey, NK. You don't know her to speak this way. You have no idea who she turned down in her youth. In fact you can't "guarantee" anything. Are you sure you are not a man in drag?
Not enough Info
Submitted by B on March 27, 2019 - 7:07pm
Clearly, there is not enough info about the author to make any assumptions other then she is sad. We do not have enough information about her past to assume anything else. However, the fact that she avoided writing that much about desiring a meaningful relationship with a partner speaks volumes, and instead focused primarily on her childless state. She seems to be mourning no children more than a lost relationship. This is a disclaimer- I am making an anectdotal observation based on my experience only having met hundreds if not thousands of American men and women in my long lifetime: The women that I know who avoid looking at any way they might have contributed to their current condition by focusing primarily on the loss of biological children, are avoiding their own contributions to the crisis due to pain and embarrassment. She is not going to sit there and admit she could have risked a little bit more by not rejecting that guy in her twenties. There usually is one who got away for whatever reason and she probably was partially responsible for the break up. She does yearn simultaneously for a partner now, but we receive limited insight as to what happened prior to age 35. So, advice to the childless, partnerless middle aged women: you can learn to live with your current state even better if you address all the reasons you are in the situation accurately and the percentage by which you are accountable. Then just say it is what is and stop beating yourself up or playing the victim. Be grateful and happy regardless. Most of us do not live in a 3rd world country and we have 1st world blessings. No one in the 3rd world has the time to argue against the "Patriarchy" due to the Starvation elephant in the room. We all have stuff we have done we regret and all have stuff by which we are blessed- embrace it as life and move on. Unfortunately, our gynocentric world sends mixed messages to women: it is okay for you to be sad and blame it on everyone else, especially if you are a woman, without taking responsibility. And, you can still have it all including children even though the man in the picture is annoying. The reality is none of us can have it all. I do empathize with the author, realize her pain as a modern day crisis and she could be a very sad case of an extremely shy person who never had a chance to find a partner and produce an immediate family. So, C, we cannot "guarantee" anything about her past. But, we can make an anecdotal assumption based on personal experience. To the author's credit, she does talk about her journey more than anything, how she is accepting her current state more and more and is still finding happiness. And, to the men on this thread who are cruel to women and this author: You accuse the author of rejecting men in her past even though she does not reveal it, and yet you complain about the behavior of "all women" based on your past experiences with relationships. If the author clearly needs to take responsibility for her past choices as you demand, so do you. At some point, you picked cruel women to be a part of your life and made multiple poor choices along the way. Accept your percentage of responsibility in it, move on and thereby purge the poison of hate and bitterness.
Sceptical, yet amused.
Submitted by NonLuminousFlame on June 21, 2017 - 6:22pm
I love you on June 21st. 2017 and I cuck'd a good man, with my blue eyed thug spawn and I've never met the resultant daughter. You're only being honest. I'll keep it brief, as I know that you're busy being what is at times called a traditional housewife; I'm virtually certain. White men are the only non minority class and don't receive Affirmative Action Action; therefore, only white men have any merit in the workplace. Only men are required, by law, to register for Selective Service and only men may conscripted; consequently, only men should be able to vote. Women like you are helping other women by telling them the what for......this is a good thing to reinforce their 'female own group gender preference'; especially since men have no such mechanism to enforce a 'gender own group preference.' I may provide staggering levels of citations upon request. Stop working a part time job and costing male citizens more money and attention seek on YouTube. You girl's are voting silly, as the population majority and the largest legally protected minority class, and taking our jobs. A cliché no doubt. Again the internet and statistics go a long way. There are more women in college than men and half of all marriages end in divorce; with the woman being the breadwinner, it goes to a 69% divorce rate.......with the wife initiating the divorce in 70-80 of cases. Remember, I already haphazardly reproduced. I can't afford to buy a woman like yourself; lovely and fit for joy as you are, so I run them off. A man without a job, my dear, what would you say of him? Briffault's Law is in effect. Men, as a stress response, "Fight or Flight" and women "Tend and Befriend", as a stress response; remember it well. I'm a misogynist and still; my best hugs and kisses and incoming adventures go with you! Have many beautiful children for me and do the planks on all four sides, abdominal breathing and butt exercises that you know; instinctively, that I like! Thank you for the compliment........I felt your special Pathos for me, by your terminology. That's a good girl! (Pets you) Goodbye. Remember me in the moonlight.
THIS. Well done Koko.
Submitted by Laura on January 20, 2017 - 4:39pm
Koko, yours is the only comment that makes sense since those MGTOW took over. A lot of these men have been burned because either, they were clearly 'good' old-fashioned misogynists and the woman ran a mile when she realised this, or a few out-of-their-league women happened to not be interested in them. Then they join this online group called MGTOW where men whinge together and on articles like this about how women are another species and feminism is the worst. Have you noticed these men saying that feminism, and women wanting to do it all - work while having a family - sucks, and at the same time say women are dicks for expecting a man to work hard for everything while she sits at home with the pool boy? They don't even know what they are actually arguing about, they literally just hate all women because they feel rejected and it's kept them traumatised in this sexually frustrated teenage mindset.
Sceptical, yet amused.
Submitted by NonLuminousFlame on June 21, 2017 - 6:47pm
You're free to ask me a question. MGTOW is founded on the assertion that men and women aren't equal, although women and women are equal and men and men are equal. This term refers to Equality of Opportunity and Equality Before the Law; and not equality of outcome, which you're referring to as feminism. Women are the population and voting majority and the largest legally protected minority class and only men are required, by law, to register for Selective Service and only men may be conscripted. White men are the only non minority class and don't receive Affirmative Action; therefore, only white men have any merit in the workplace. As a group, only men pay net taxes, although women are the population majority. All I hear is "more women in STEM!" "More Affirmative Action!", more about the wage gap.....which is communistic equality of outcome, again. Let's go running; the overweight statistics are too high, like my THC levels. Speaking of which, women carried prohibition and made pot illegal by voting democrat and I'm upset with you, okay?! I'm more of a misogynist; although, come @ me, bro!
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