Why Foreplay Can’t Be Skipped, Five Steps to Amazing Sex Tonight

Have your best sex ever, tonight. Kiss, connect, touch, enjoy!

Posted Jan 22, 2011

Having amazing sex can happen tonight if you implement just a few simple steps to make your experience incredible.

1. Kiss for Five Minutes
Kiss slowly, cup your partners face in your hands, and enjoy this step. As a practicing Marriage and Sex Therapist it is surprising how many couples completely skip the kissing part. Kissing helps to us get aroused, connected and warms up our bodies to move into intercourse. People who struggle with erection difficulties or arousal issues should pay particular attention to this step as it helps us to get ready for sex. Kissing also helps reduce our anxiety as it relaxes us as we move into more intimate and sexual touching.

2. Don't Skip Foreplay and Take Turns Giving and Receiving
Foreplay is the most intimate step of the sexual process. It is the opportunity to feel sought after, desired and pleasured by your partner. Foreplay represents the part of the sexual script where partners are taking turns pleasuring one another. Couples who skip foreplay are doing their relationship a disservice because you miss out on the opportunity to learn what you like sexually and to tell your partner so that you desire to have the type of sex you are having. Oral or manual stimulation represent great options for foreplay. If you don't currently engage in foreplay with your partner, try talking about it outside the bedroom as an idea you would like to explore.

3. Give Your Partner Feedback

Say "that feels good" or make some noise to signal you like what they are doing or the way they are touching you. Everyone likes a different type of touch; it is as unique as your fingerprint. Women are often socialized to be quiet during the sexual process but many partners complain that they don't know what type of touch feels good to their partners and want to know if what they are doing is working. Giving your partner pleasure also helps you build sexual self-confidence. Make sure you provide feedback during the process as well as afterwards on what you liked, also try showing your partner if they can't seem to grasp what you are asking for so they can mimic the moves you enjoy.

4. Look at Each Other While Being Sexual
During the process of being sexual together, open your eyes and look at your partner. An advanced move is to open your eyes and look at your partner when you are having your orgasm. Many couples report feeling closer after sharing such an intimate experience. Looking at each other pushes couples to grow sexually by confronting your sexual self, taking a risk together and taking ownership of being sexual with your partner.

5. Try Something New
Trying something new sexually is good for you and good for your relationship. Some desire problems stem from sexual boredom and the prescription is sexual risk. You don't have to do something that you find distasteful but when was the last time you tried initiating, experimenting with a new position, different lighting such as candlelight or using a sexual aid (toy) or lubricant. Even trying to bring each other to orgasm during foreplay instead of during intercourse could be a nice change. Be brave tonight and try something new, it just might stimulate your minds as well as your bodies. Enjoy!

About the Author

Lisa Thomas, LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist practicing in Greenwood Village, Colorado.

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