Lisa Thomas LMFT

Save Your Sex Life

Sex

Amazing Sex Tonight: Why Foreplay Can’t Be Skipped

Kiss, connect, touch, and enjoy.

Posted Jan 22, 2011

Having amazing sex can happen tonight if you implement a few simple ideas.

1. Kiss for Five Minutes

Kiss slowly, cup your partners face in your hands, and enjoy this step. As a practicing Marriage and Sex Therapist, it is surprising how many couples completely skip the kissing stage. Kissing helps us get aroused, connected, and warmed up before moving into intercourse. People who struggle with erection difficulties or arousal issues should pay particular attention to this step as it helps us to get ready for sex. Kissing also helps reduce our anxiety as it relaxes us as we move into more intimate and sexual touching.

2. Don't Skip Foreplay, and Take Turns Giving and Receiving

Foreplay is the most intimate step of the sexual process. It is the opportunity to feel sought after, desired, and pleasured by your partner. Foreplay represents the part of the sexual script where partners take turns pleasuring one another. Couples who skip foreplay are doing their relationship a disservice, because they miss out on the opportunity to learn what they like sexually and to tell their partner so that they desire the type of sex they're having. Oral or manual stimulation represent great options for foreplay. If you don't currently engage in foreplay with your partner, try talking about it outside the bedroom as an idea that you'd like to explore.

3. Give Your Partner Feedback

Say, "that feels good" or make noise to signal you like what they are doing or the way they are touching you. Everyone likes a different type of touch; it is as unique as your fingerprint. Women are often socialized to be quiet during the sexual process but many partners express that they don't know what type of touch feels good to their partners, and they want to know if what they are doing is working. Giving your partner pleasure also helps you build sexual self-confidence. Make sure you provide feedback during and after the process about what you liked. You can also try showing your partner if they can't seem to grasp what you are asking for, so that they can mimic the moves you enjoy.

4. Look at Each Other

During the process of being sexual together, open your eyes and look at your partner. An advanced move is to open your eyes and look at your partner as you orgasm. Many couples report feeling closer after sharing such an intimate experience. Looking at each other pushes couples to grow sexually by confronting their sexual self, taking a risk together, and taking ownership of being sexual together.

5. Try Something New

Trying something new sexually is good for you and good for your relationship. Some desire problems stem from sexual boredom and the prescription is sexual risk. You don't have to do something that you find distasteful, but when was the last time you tried experimenting with a new position, different lighting such as candlelight, or using a sex toy? Even trying to bring each other to orgasm during foreplay instead of during intercourse could be a nice change. Be brave tonight and try something new, it just might stimulate your minds as well as your bodies. Enjoy!