Friends
When Friend Groups Change, Some Friendships Fail
How expanding social circles change friendships.
Updated September 20, 2025 Reviewed by Michelle Quirk
Key points
- When a duo becomes a trio, emotional bonds shift—and one friend often ends up feeling left out.
- Friendships lack clear rules, making boundary-crossing and unspoken hurt common in group dynamics.
- Echo chambers and mutual validation can replace empathy, fueling blame over reflection.
Each year for the past decade, I have taught a course called "The Psychology of Relationships" at the University of Toronto, and over the past several years, I’ve noticed a subtle but important shift: Students are asking more and more questions about friendships compared to romantic relationships. And one recurring theme across both students and forums relating to friendships alike is how complicated friendships become for members in a group of three.
The Challenge of Group Dynamics
When a friendship between two people evolves into a group, each member brings their own wants, needs, and assumptions. I write about this more at length here. And because friendship lacks the formal “rules” of romantic relationships, like consent, commitment, and clearly defined boundaries that would put the relationship at risk (like infidelity, for instance), friendships can become rife for overstepping boundaries, with grievances and hurt feelings going unspoken.
An Example: When Three Becomes a Crowd
As you read the following, see if you can spot subtle shifts in friendship dynamics:
Consider Mia and Sabi, close friends since their teens. Now in their early 30s, things had changed: The busyness of life took over, and the time both had for friendships shortened. One afternoon, to help consolidate her friendship groups, Mia suggested bringing into their chat an acquaintance they had recently both met, Priya.
At first, the group chats were light and supportive, filled with work venting and emotional check-ins. But gradually, Mia and Priya grew closer, forming inside jokes and separate plans, which they'd then talk about in front of Sabi; she noticed feeling increasingly left out, but never shared her feelings.
Weeks went by when Sabi asked Mia privately for a favor: She was ready to date again after a bad breakup and was hoping Mia would introduce her to a coworker. Mia hesitated, then said, “I don't think he's right for you, and I don't think you're ready to date,” but Sabi insisted she could decide for herself.
A few weeks went by again when Mia wrote in the group chat: “Do you still want me to introduce you to my coworker?” Sabi, surprised to read this in the group chat, agreed, and Mia added, “Well, you’re not experienced enough to date someone like him; I just don't think he's right for you.” Within moments, Priya wrote in, agreeing: “Yeah, I don't think you're ready to date, and you wouldn't be right for him.”
The comments left Sabi feeling surprised and unsettled, as if Mia and Priya had spoken about what she thought was a private request without her: Perplexed at Priya's involvement and Mia's broadcast of a private conversation, Sabi tried to laugh it off, "It's just a date, not a marriage proposal!" but Priya and Mia wouldn't relent. Finally, Sabi paused, “I know you mean well, but I feel like neither of you is trying to support or understand me, and I can't get a word in. I feel completely powerless and deflated, and bullied into a decision.”
No one replied. Weeks later, still feeling hurt and confused, Sabi wrote privately to Mia to try to clear the air. She apologized for any misunderstanding, but Mia offered no apology in return. Instead, she replied: “You dismissed us and acted like we were bullying you. I can’t be friends with someone who misunderstands me like that.” Within minutes, Priya quickly followed up with a private message: “You thought we were bullying you? You have no self-awareness, Sabi, and have a victim mentality; I need to put my energy elsewhere. Don't contact me again."
Just like that, the friendship group dissolved, and Sabi's once-close friendship with Mia went along with it.
Could You Spot What Went Wrong?
At first glance, it may seem like a simple case of a misunderstanding gone too far, but beneath the surface, some subtle shifts in group dynamics were already at play: Exclusion, miscommunication, emotional misalignment, the need for validation, and psychological defenses created the perfect storm for a friendship fallout.
In the next post, explore what happens when shifting loyalties, unspoken expectations, and projection collide, and how to prevent it before it's too late.
Facebook image: sruilk/Shutterstock
