Too Many Fish in the Sea? Choice Overload in Dating

With the old romantic adage of “there’s plenty of fish in the sea," one might assume that having more potential partners increases the chances of success when it comes to romantic relationships. Recent research, however, suggests that feeling as though we have too many choices can have the opposite effect, leading to decision paralysis and relationship instability. This phenomenon, known as choice overload (or, in other words, feeling so overwhelmed by options that we feel unable to decide on which option to choose), was examined in a study recently published in Behavioral Science (August 2024).

While similar studies have been conducted on how choice overload affects buying decisions (for instance, one study found that 30 percent of consumers who saw a small assortment of jams actually purchased jam, compared to 3 percent who saw a large assortment instead), but little research has explored the effect of choice when it comes to making romantic decisions. With the COVID-19 pandemic fueling online dating, where one can swipe through hundreds of choices a day, and recent data projecting that 45 percent of American women aged 25 to 44 will be single in 2030, how might an abundance of options affect singlehood, relationships status, and satisfaction?

The study, titled Mate Choice Plurality, Choice Overload, and Singlehood: Are More Options Always Better?, explored just this: The study recruited 804 participants (456 women, 335 men, 8 participants who identified as "other," and 5 participants who did not disclose their gender), ranging in age between 18 and 60, with an average age of 28.2 years. While 55.1 percent of the participants were single, 38.3 percent were in intimate relationships.

Participants completed a series of questionnaires assessing how many available mates they think they have (assessing mate choice plurality, with statements like "Many people show romantic interest in me"), difficulty in choosing a mate (assessing choice overload, with statements like "I feel like I can’t decide who to choose as a romantic partner"), relationship satisfaction, self-esteem, and willingness to stay in a current relationship.

For singletons, do more options mean fewer relationships?

The study found interesting results: People who believed they had more romantic options were less likely to be single. As we might expect, having many choices can help people find partners.

However, participants who felt they had too many romantic options became overwhelmed and found it difficult to choose a partner. So, feeling overwhelmed by too many choices could lead to indecision and difficulty deciding who to partner up with. As a result, people experiencing choice overload struggled to make a decision about whom to date and, as a result, were more likely to remain single.

While the researchers theorize remaining single due to choice overload isn't necessarily exclusively negative, suggesting that choice overload may allow people to slow down and make the best choice, other research contradicts this idea, suggesting that choice overload leads to poorer decisions when they are finally made.

Do more perceived options mean more regret about current partners?

The study also looked at relationship satisfaction and found that those who were in relationships but believed they had many other romantic options available to them often regretted their current partner choice. This regret led to lower satisfaction in the relationship.

Interestingly, men, in particular, who were already in relationships but perceived many available options reported higher levels of regret and lower satisfaction with their current partners. This same effect was not found in women.

In summary, while more choices can help people find partners, too many choices can overwhelm them and lead to staying single or feeling unhappy in their relationships.

What can we learn from this study?

The findings of this study suggest that having romantic options makes us more likely to be in relationships, so long as we do not feel overwhelmed by having too many. With the popularity of dating apps and the ease of sifting through choices now being commonplace, understanding the pitfalls of choice may help in managing the abundance of options, choosing a partner, and fostering more fulfilling relationships.