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Key points
- Gratitude sometimes isn't easy for parents, especially parents of a neurodivergent child.
- Reframing is a great way to level set expectations with yourself and your child.
- Be grateful for the moments that aren't yours as you shine a light on how far you've come.
Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful for what you have. However, as a parent of a neurodiverse child, it's often hard to be grateful.
Yes, I said it out loud because it's reality! There are many moments when my life becomes incredibly overwhelming; I don't have a moment to breathe or do anything for me, and yet, 'tis the season for being thankful! Yeesh—does anyone understand a parent's life? (I'm laughing as I write this sentence.)
Over the years, I've realized that to be thankful, I need to focus on reframing. Instead of looking at the big picture and seeking gratification in over-the-top memorable moments, I practice gratitude for the little victories, such as making it through a whole day without a call from my daughter's school or an entire evening without her having a meltdown. For me, this is the good stuff. It should be for you as well – focus on homework being completed, a bath time routine followed, and even a kiss good night.
As a parent and a professional, I’m very familiar with the day-to-day challenges of neurodiversity. I always notice other families' tense moments, especially when I'm out in public. It might be a young child having a temper tantrum at the mall or an adult with autism hovering over a baby in a stroller while his guardian frantically holds him back—and at these moments, I feel gratitude. I'm grateful it’s their moment, not mine. Let me explain.
I've learned from my professional experience and from other professionals which battles to pick with my daughter and what to let go of. I have learned to address things with teachers and her siblings and let some things slide. More so than anything, I’ve learned acceptance. Without that, I would not have peace, and neither would my family nor my child.
How can we reframe our thoughts? How can we let things go?
First, let us all acknowledge that it’s a gradual journey that takes time. From here:
- Learn to practice letting go of resentment and anger. Moving on from what happened in the past isn’t always easy, but it’s a major step in acceptance and the ability to be grateful.
- Release the need for control and approval. When you acknowledge that you can’t control everything, you can let many of your child’s behaviors slide.
- Choose to move on—yes, it’s a choice! And, once you do, you will see your moods improve. You will see that you can accept your child and their issues and still love and be grateful for them.
- Affirm your worth. You are a wonderful parent and a good person. Create your affirmations to help you through difficult moments.
I can be grateful this Thanksgiving because I know I can't control everything. I celebrate the small things and am doing my best. I hope there is a parent reading this post who has experienced a moment they can reflect on, practice a reframe, and find a new perspective in the future.
