Happy Marriage, Happy Life
Does marriage really enrich a life, and, if so, in what ways?
Posted Sep 19, 2011
Why do so many individuals and couples seek help when they are having marriage problems? Most people who get married want to live happily ever after. They intuit that a happy marriage can bring additional advantages that will help to keep them on a road to a happy life. So if marriage problems arise, just as if problems occur with your car, they aim to find how to repair the problem and get the relationship running smoothly again. Is it true though that a happy marriage adds to the liklihood of a happy life?
Yes, as Bella DePaulo explains in her PsychologyToday.com posting Get-Married, Get Wealthy. There's financial payoffs to folks who live in marriages. Married people tend to make, and also to save, more money. In fact, the best way for single parent parents to rise above their money struggles is to bring in a marriage partner.
On top of the financial benefit, more happiness, longevity and physical health tend to accrue to folks who live in a good marriage. Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher summarize this research in their book The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially.
Divorce, by contrast, can put you on the fast track to both and emotional hardship. Investing in your marriage can have long-lasting happiness, financial and even health payoffs.
So here's a quick do-it-yourself marriage scan to remind you of five easy ways to make your marriage one of your greatest life achievements.
First, how much fun are you having? Couples who play together, stay together. Couples who set aside at least some chunk of time each day to be alone together, even if it's a tired twenty minutes after the kids are in bed, refresh their connection with each shared smile and pleasant verbal interchange. Add to that a date night, plus some weekend fun without the kids, and you'll up the odds that your good marriage will stay in fine shape.
Be careful though about how you spend that time. If your free time at home goes to an affair with the TV or computer, turn them off and turn to each other. To feel like partners in living you need time face to face, not just side by side or worse, back to back.
Second, how appreciative are you? If you take each other's contributions for granted, the sun will not shine in your home as often as it could. Focus for a day on checking the weather in your home. How often do each of you give forth warmth, show fondness, say yes to each other, ask questions that convey interest, express compassion, hug and smile? When positive energies radiate from spouse to spouse, the whole family benefits. And sunshine is free.
Third, there's sex. The best things in life really are free. How often to you put on music, close the door, and have a totally fun time together in your bedroom? Good sex is not enough to make a good marriage, but if sexual sharing is rare to absent, your connection may become fragile.
In the early days of the women's liberation movement, a saying grew popular. "Sex is a positive way of spending time." Catch the word "spending" there? Sex costs just time, not money.
Fourth, what's new? Both familiarity and newness strengthen partnering connections. A new game, a walk in a different place, trying out a new way to exercise together, a new shared volunteer project...anything new enhances old connections.
Fifth and last but not least, how skillfully do you talk over sensitive issues and heal after inadvertent upsets? Healthy partners talk effectively about their differences, are responsive to each others' concerns, create win-win solutions, and have skills for healng after upsets that have breached their goodwill connection. Check out your skill levels at the free quiz associated with my marriage skill-building website, PowerOfTwoMarriage.com.
So what's the bottom line? Living life in the bosom of a good marriage signs you up for great life benefits. Aim high. Lift your marriage to the level of dream team. Treasure the pleasures in your marriage, build the skills to sustain goodwill, and remember always to cherish each other.
Meanwhile, enjoy the following video/song celebrating marriage and family life.
A graduate of Harvard and NYU, Dr. Heitler's most recent project is a marriage skills website, PowerOfTwoMarriage.com.
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