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Bullying
Does Latino Nickname Culture Enhance or Erode Resilience?
Antibullyism has replaced the traditional wisdom of the Latino culture.
Updated April 23, 2025 Reviewed by Tyler Woods
Key points
- Antibullyism is taking over cultures throughout the world, replacing their native wisdom.
- We need to consider whether cultural practices, such as pejorative nicknames, have a positive purpose.
- The belief that we deserve to be treated like we're perfect fosters narcissism and proneness to being bullied.
- Latino nickname culture makes us realize that no one is perfect and insults are nothing to get upset about.
A recent article in the Cuban publication Cibercuba questioned that nation's practice of nicknaming people on the basis of their physical flaws or distinctive characteristics. (It is actually a Latin American practice, not limited to Cuba.)
The author, Yare Grau, wrote her piece in reaction to a TikTok video by influencer Randely Valdés, who claims that the nickname culture “strengthens Cubans against external criticism.” Grau is concerned that it disguises bullying and is a “common form of violence…[that] can have negative effects on the self-esteem and emotional development of the victims.”
Who is right?
To the extent that such nicknames “can have negative effects” on the victims, the statement is obviously true. Sure, they can. However, we live in an age that holds multiculturalism in the highest regard. We are encouraged to especially value the cultures of non-white, traditionally oppressed populations. If Latino culture promotes the nickname practice, culturally sensitive people must ask themselves why.
Additionally, we live in an age in which liberal minded people denounce "colonization," the process by which more powerful societies—typically Western—take over weaker "oppressed" ones. Antibullyism, which is strictly a product of modern Western universities, has spread like wildfire throughout the nations of the world, though it contradicts all native wisdom. The basic premise of antibullyism is that no one has a right to hurt our feelings, that if people do hurt our feelings, it is solely their fault, and all we need to do is inform the authorities, whose responsibility is to make them stop. This philosophy is a recipe for disaster, which is why antibullyism has been failing to eliminate bullying. Yet it has been so seductive that it even causes the native-born Cuban, Yare Grau, to challenge the wisdom of her own nation’s heritage.
Therefore, yours truly is taking it upon himself to enlighten modern readers about the superiority of the traditional Latino culture to that of antibullyism.
What do we want for our children?
I have formulated a series of questions with A and B choices that I ask parents and teachers at my presentations to help them clarify what they prefer for children. The following question is relevant to the topic at hand:
Do emotionally healthy children?:
A. Demand to be treated like they’re perfect, and get upset whenever someone criticizes or pokes fun at them.
B. Know they’re not perfect, can handle criticism, and can take and make jokes about themselves.
Virtually everyone accepts the basic premise of antibullyism, which promotes the A response. Yet, when faced with the above question, they answer B. And for good reason.
It is unhealthy to expect to be treated like we’re perfect. This expectation is a manifestation of narcissism. That’s why we walk on eggshells with narcissists. They can't handle criticism. Suggest that they are wrong or imperfect and they can go into a rage and retaliate.
This expectation is also the undoing of victims of bullying. They get upset when someone criticizes or makes fun of them. And when they get upset, they unwittingly fuel bullying. That’s when others love picking on them and never stop. (Watch a video that demonstrates this phenomenon.)
No one is perfect. We all have imperfections that can be made fun of. Moreover, others tend to see our flaws better than we do, just as we see their flaws better than they do. And this was even more so in pre-modern societies, before we had mirrors, cameras, and tape recorders.
Our survival depends upon recognizing our flaws. Otherwise, we can't fix them. Therefore, one thing people do is criticize each other. True, few of us enjoy being on the receiving end. However, if we are emotionally healthy, we consider whether the criticism is valid and helpful. If we are emotionally unhealthy, on the other hand, we reject the information and respond with anger.
Furthermore, revealing human flaws is the essence of humor. As the saying goes, Laughter is the best medicine. We tend to think that humor is positive because it makes us feel good. But it’s not. It’s negative. All humor makes someone look bad—either someone else or ourselves. Humor is an antidote to narcissism. It teaches us that no one is perfect, including ourselves. And thus our brains are programmed to reward humor with endorphins that make us feel good and help us heal.
The nickname culture is not bullying
Those who think that the Latino culture of nicknames is bullying fail to consider what bullying is, at least according to the definition established by the bullying psychology. One of the three pillars of the definition is an intention to cause distress or harm to the victims. (The other two are repetitiveness and an imbalance of power.) When Latinos call each other funny nicknames, they are not trying to hurt each other. They are trying to make each other laugh. And the biological purpose is to make us resilient to insults. A Latino at one of my seminars told me that where he comes from, everyone makes fun of each other, and if you don’t get made fun of, you feel cheated.
Another aspect of bullying is that a specific victim is targeted. But in the Latino nickname culture, everyone is fair game. When you see that even those at the top of the social hierarchy receive disparaging nicknames and enjoy it, you realize that you are not being victimized, but treated like a comrade. If you are not aware of this, pay attention to what goes on at comedy clubs. There is usually a comedian whose routine is to pick out individual audience members and insult them, and it makes them laugh. Only those who take themselves too seriously get upset.
It is also what happens at celebrity roasts. The celebrity sits in a “hot chair,” and friends, relatives, and accomplished comedians take turns insulting them. Everyone, including the celebrity, laughs. Afterwards, the celebrity is usually given the opportunity to retaliate. They conclude by hugging each other and declaring their mutual love.
So, please, let's stop seeing bullying everywhere. It is destroying our sense of humor, our resilience and our relationships. There is no virtue in having anti-bullying laws and policies that force us all to make believe we don’t notice each other’s imperfections and differences. And as I explained in an article over a dozen years ago called, "No Name-Calling Week" Weakens Children, society would do a far better job of resolving the bullying crisis by encouraging the appropriation of the traditional Latino approach.
