Leadership
From 'Good Girl' to Authentic Leader
You don’t have to be everything for everyone to lead powerfully.
Posted May 9, 2025 Reviewed by Davia Sills
Key points
- Many women are taught that being agreeable is safer than being authentic, especially in leadership.
- “Good girl” conditioning often rewards performance over presence, stifling growth and true influence.
- Authentic leadership stems from inner clarity, not external validation or approval-seeking behavior.
- Letting go of outdated rules empowers women to lead with integrity, boldness, and emotional depth.
Many of us were raised with unspoken rules: Be nice. Don’t rock the boat. Keep the peace. Work hard. Don’t ask for too much. Smile more.
These messages—subtle or direct—shape the way we move through the world. They teach us that approval is safety, that success means pleasing others, and that leadership is about fitting in rather than standing out.
And while those rules might have helped us feel accepted early on, they often become the very things holding us back as we grow into our power.
Because here’s the truth: The “good girl” conditioning doesn’t prepare women to lead—it prepares them to perform.
The Good Girl Rules
You probably know them well, or have read about them in Women Rising. They sound like this:
- “Don’t be too ambitious.”
- “Don’t make people uncomfortable.”
- “Don’t show too much emotion.”
- “Don’t take up too much space.”
And when you live by these rules long enough, it can be hard to even see them. They start to feel like the truth. Like common sense. Like “just how things are.”
But they are not truths. They are stories. Stories that were handed down, not chosen.
And the first step toward authentic leadership is choosing differently.
Authentic Leadership Isn’t About Perfection—It’s About Presence
Authentic leaders don’t perform for approval. They lead from their values. They hold boundaries. They own their voice. They show up in their wholeness—messy moments, clear insights, and all.
You don’t have to abandon kindness, humility, or grace. But you do get to release self-abandonment, over-functioning, and silence disguised as harmony.
You can be kind and direct. Soft and strong. Open and boundaried. These are not contradictions. They are capacities.
Three Shifts to Move From Good Girl to Authentic Leader
1. Stop asking for permission. You don’t need approval to lead. You don’t need to be chosen. You are already worthy of taking up space. Start making decisions from that place.
2. Get clear on your inner compass. What do you stand for? What are your values? When you lead from inner clarity, external validation becomes far less necessary.
3. Notice where you’re performing. Ask yourself: Am I doing this to be liked, or because it’s aligned with my values? That single question can reveal powerful truths—and open the door to real change.
This Is Your Invitation
You are allowed to release the old rules.
You are allowed to lead differently.
You are allowed to be a full, flawed, powerful human—and still be respected. In fact, that’s exactly the kind of leadership the world needs.
No more shrinking to fit a system that was never made for you.
No more contorting yourself to be palatable or perfect.
It’s time to lead from the authenticity of your own truth—and rise as the woman you came here to be.
