The Instincts Undermining Our Humanity—and the Path Ahead

In a world brimming with division, misinformation, and violence, understanding why we behave the way we do has never been more urgent. Despite our extraordinary technological achievements, we remain fundamentally tethered to ancient instincts that helped us survive but now threaten to tear us apart.

In my book Tenacity in Children, I explore the unholy trinity—three primal instincts deeply embedded in our evolutionary biology: rigid belief, fear of difference, and defensive aggression. Once essential for survival, these instincts now fuel polarization, prejudice, and violence. If left unchecked, they may become incompatible with modern civilization.

Neuro-anthropologist Dean Falk introduced the term "brain dance" to describe how humans, when under stress or threat, often react from older, emotion-driven brain regions before our rational frontal lobes can assess the situation. This split-second reaction can override logic with fear or fury. The brain dance occurs when the emotional brain hijacks the thinking brain—an evolutionary reflex that once saved lives but now undermines reasoned discourse.

Let’s examine the three instincts driving this dance—and how we might rewrite the choreography.

Rigid Belief: Seeing Only What We Believe

Belief is essential. As anthropologist Agustín Fuentes points out, it is one of the most creative forces humans have evolved, enabling us to imagine, cooperate, and construct civilizations. However, belief without flexibility turns into dogma, resistant to reason.

For early humans navigating unpredictable environments, belief systems provided meaning in the face of chaos. Whether predicting the sunrise or praying for rain, belief offered stability. However, today, unquestioning belief—especially in ideology—can exacerbate division and conflict. We no longer adapt our beliefs to facts but interpret facts to reinforce our beliefs.

We must teach children what to believe and how to question belief with curiosity, empathy, and fairness. A resilient society needs belief systems grounded not in fear or power but in shared humanity.

Fear of Difference: The Oldest Prejudice

We are biologically wired to be cautious about the unfamiliar. For our ancestors, avoiding different foods, people, or places often meant the difference between life and death. Over generations, this survival instinct evolved into a fear of "the other"—anything or anyone outside our tribe.

But what once protected us now isolates us. Fear of differences fuels racism, xenophobia, and intolerance. Even children swiftly learn that “being different” can lead to exclusion, and they will stifle their gifts to avoid standing out.

Actual progress requires helping children see a difference not as a danger but as an opportunity—an expansion of perspective, not a threat to belonging.

Defensive Aggression: Striking Without Cause

Aggression benefited our ancestors when survival depended on competition. In many species, including humans, males evolved to assert dominance through aggression to secure mates and resources. However, this evolutionary legacy—especially when misdirected—has contributed to intimate partner violence, community conflict, and global warfare.

Some scholars argue that aggression is learned rather than innate. Others contend that it is an ancient reflex embedded in our biology. The truth likely lies somewhere in between. As anthropologist Elizabeth Cashdan observes, evolution has given us both aggression and empathy, as both have helped us thrive in the proper contexts.

But when children, especially those with delayed language or social-emotional skills, lack tools for self-expression, aggression often becomes their default. As in the case of young Lynsey, a nonverbal toddler expelled from preschool for biting, learning to “use her words” literally rewired her world.

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The key is not to eradicate aggression but to channel it. We must teach children how to express frustration with words rather than fists, and how to pause when their primitive instincts urge them to act.

A Path Forward: Building Tenacity Over Instinct

If these three instincts—belief, fear, and aggression—are part of our evolutionary legacy, then what hope do we have?

Our hope lies in what we also evolved: a bigger brain.

In The Eternal Child, zoologist Clive Bromhall argues that humans exchanged brute protection for intellectual complexity. We became “eternal children,” perpetually learning and adapting. Our large frontal lobes enable us to regulate impulses, question beliefs, and empathize with those who are different from us.

This is the essence of tenacity—not brute persistence, but the ability to adapt, regulate emotion, and think forward. Our role as parents, teachers, and community leaders is to nurture this capacity. We create environments where children learn emotional regulation, experience positive differences, and question with kindness.

One Hundred Years From Now

During a memorable conversation with Nikko, an 11-year-old with way too much worry, I explored his fascination with computers. “One day,” he said, “they’ll just program our brains while we sleep, and no one will ever worry.”

Then he paused and said, “But I suppose that wouldn’t be good because we’d never be happy. You can’t program a computer to feel happiness—you simply feel it.”

Nikko was right. We are not computers but living systems shaped by biology, experience, and culture. Our instincts still whisper to us, urging us to believe without question, fear what is different, and strike out when afraid.

But our brains—especially our children’s brains—can evolve beyond instinct. With love, guidance, and opportunity, we can help them dance not to the rhythm of fear but to the melody of understanding, compassion, and courage.