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What is the net effect of technology on our lives? For the most part, from healthcare to transportation to communication, tech has transformed lives for the better. No one wants to spend 2-months in a covered wagon train to travel across country. X-Ray or exploratory surgery? No contest! Technology provides convenience and a safer, healthier world.
But is there a downside to technology? Sure, we complain when folks eye their phones instead of carrying on a conversation. Ever groan as a text message interrupts, or your computer freezes up? We all know it’s getting harder to leave the office behind, when work-related emails and texts are constant companions. From traffic jams to websites gathering our data, technology does have its dark side. Which reminds me of a story:
Recently, my family and I participated in a memorial service for my mom, at the one-year anniversary of her passing. As a family, we’d like to get together for this event, but we’re spread out from California to North Carolina to Florida. The cost and time for family to trek across country made it hard for all of us to attend in person, but technology provided a solution.
The service took place at a cemetery, in a pastoral setting next to a lake. Birds chirped in the distance. As we began the somber service, several of us used our cellular phones to video conference with other family members around the country. At least in the virtual sense, our family felt as if we were all together at that moment. One family member played a favorite musical selection, and then an audio recording of Mom recalling an event from many years ago. Digital technology helped us create and share this experience as a family.
Just as I took note of these marvelous interconnections made possible with technology, an airliner drowned us out with an earsplitting roar. The quiet scene was interrupted, as we waited for the jet to pass. This annoyance reminded me that technology cuts both ways; the Yin of convenience juxtaposed against the Yang of intrusive distractions.
I suppose we all have a bit of a love-hate relationship with technology. We love our computers when they work, and swear an avalanche of expletives when they don’t. We love our appliances, until a leaf-blower invades our reverie. Technology can be frustrating, and yet, at the same time, we are grateful for the benefits, convenience, and opportunities for us to “connect through tech.”
The memorial service offered us closure and comfort; a bittersweet mix of shared good memories, colored by our grief. Loss is experienced differently by each person, and it’s always difficult. Unfortunately, technology can't ease the emotional pain. However, we can use a type of mental technology to help us cope! This month’s “life hack” shows how one person created a Password visualization to offset some painful memories:
Lara was grief stricken. She lost her mom a few years ago. They were very close. Years after her mom’s passing, Lara still recalled her unpleasant final days in the hospital, a memory which only intensified her sadness.
A friend of Lara’s suggested she try to think of some positive memories. Writing in her journal, Lara reflected on many happy times. One memory she recalled was the way Mom used to feed some ducks in the river behind her home. How Mom loved those ducks! She had names for each one, and she’d playfully scold them as they followed her for scraps of bread. These were her “Duckies.”
Lara’s Password was this image of her mom feeding the ducks while looking up at her and smiling. This sweet memory helped Lara when she felt sad. When she caught herself recalling painful details of her mom’s hospitalization, Lara would imagine her Password – a mental picture of Mom feeding her ducks. Of course, nothing makes the pain go completely away; a loss can still sting years later. But during tough spells, Lara used her Password to stop re-experiencing the painful final details of her mom’s passing. Lara’s Password instead reminded her that Mom no longer suffered, and Lara would shed some happier tears when she visualized Mom feeding her beloved “little Duckies.”
