Does Giving Late Gifts Harm Your Relationships?

We’ve all been here before: you have a gift to give but the gift is going to be late. What should you do? Some might opt not to bother even giving the gift out of shame or embarrassment. After all, not being able to rise to the occasion of giving a timely birthday or holiday gift could backfire, harming the relationship between the giver and the recipient. Social scientists recently provided a compelling answer in understanding how late gifts are received¹.

The Psychology of Late Gifting

In their research published in the Journal of Consumer Psychology, the researchers found that a mismatch exists between how gift givers expect recipients will feel upon receiving a late gift versus how recipients actually feel. Gift givers expected that giving a late gift would signal a lack of care when it comes to the relationship with the gift recipient, thus causing harm to the relationship.

The researchers asked another group of participants how they would feel if they received a late gift. Recipients indicated that receiving a late gift would be appreciated. In other words, recipients felt no harm was done to the relationship upon getting a late gift. The perceived harm to the relationship that late gift-givers expect is simply an overestimation in comparison to what late gift recipients really feel.

What You Can Do

An important takeaway from the research is that giving an on-time gift is better than giving a late gift. But if you are stuck in the position of giving a late gift, what can you do? Giving a gift that signals effort was expended in preparing the gift is a useful way to make the recipient happy and signal you value the relationship. In one study, the researchers had gift givers/recipients imagine they gave/received a gift basket that was custom-made (high effort) or created by a company (low effort). The negative relationship consequences were minimized when the gift was effortful and signaled caring (high effort). Being thoughtful with late gifts is the way to go.

Another important point found by the research is to avoid giving gifts that are extremely late (several months rather than days or weeks late). People are understanding and are surprisingly happy to receive late gifts, yet it is better to give a gift a few days late rather than a gift that is a few months late.

Better Late Than Never?

The final key question answered: Is it better to give a very late gift than to not send a gift at all? The short answer is yes! Giving a gift up to two months after the gifting occasion is still much better than not gifting anything. The mismatch between givers and recipients is highest when no gift is given, meaning givers expect the most negative impact when no gift (versus a very late gift) is given.

Life gets busy, and we occasionally drop the ball on meeting gift-giving deadlines for birthdays, holidays, or graduations. It is natural to feel anxiety and stress about the social consequences of giving a late gift. However, there is good news. Gift recipients do not criticize our tardiness nearly as much as we criticize ourselves. If you find yourself in this position, remember that it’s the thought that counts. You should still send the late gift, which will be surprisingly well-received.