Why Your ADHD Child Struggles to Follow Through

A mother sighs in exhaustion when she walks past the overflowing trash bin, again. For the life of her, she cannot fathom why her son seems content to tolerate such a level of filth, despite the three times she has reminded him to take out the trash today. She starts to think about the state of his bedroom, which she has been avoiding entering for days now, and she starts to feel angry and exhausted. She is not the only one, like many hard working and high achieving parents, she does not understand why her son does take after her or his father’s traits for hard work and being detail-oriented.

Why don’t reminders work?

The Myth of Laziness

Your ADHD child is neither lazy or oppositional. They are simply overwhelmed. For children and teens who struggle with ADHD, their ability to get motivated and follow through with a task is dysregulated. This means that dopamine, the neurotransmitter in the brain, responsible for influencing feelings of reward and satisfaction in response to doing something, is not being released consistently. It is hot and cold. Simple tasks like taking out the trash, making the bed, or brushing one’s teeth can seem daunting and overwhelming. Whereas playing an exciting video game can seem irresistible and enjoyable. Given this information, what’s a frustrated parent to do? First, you must understand how executive functioning works.

Breakdown of the Executive Function

Executive functioning is located primarily in the prefrontal cortex and plays the role of the CEO for the brain. Executive function is involved in planning, for the short-term and long-term, focusing, impulse control, time management, task initiation, and shifting between tasks.

Children and teens struggle with their working memory, where they are often forgetful. They struggle to retain information in their working memory long enough to use the information. This also negatively affects their perception of time and hinders their ability to manage time. They struggle with task initiation because they habitually experience neurological difficulty in bridging intention and action. They struggle with emotional regulation because the neurological connection between the amygdala (emotional center of the brain) and the prefrontal cortex is very weak and not working consistently. This means that feelings of frustration and overwhelm are transported straight to the primal brain (brain stem), where the fight, flight and freeze response is triggered. In children and teens with ADHD, this often results in a shutdown.

Why Verbal Reminders Fail

Armed with the information about how executive functioning works and how ADHD dysregulates those functions, you can now come to appreciate why verbal reminders fail. The mind of the ADHD child or teen is often scattered and overwhelmed. As a result, verbal reminders can become background noise competing with other thoughts in their mind. Also, habitual conflicts with the parent can trigger shame and avoidance of the parent who is trying to hold him accountable. This can also lead to unnecessary power struggles.

The Solution

It is important to remember that the solution is a process and not a quick fix. The solution involves a slow and steady mindset. The solution is based on the science that the brain can rewire itself.

Norman Doidge writes, “The brain is not, as we once thought, a machine, made up of parts, each with a specific, unchanging function. It is a living organ, constantly changing, with every experience, every thought, and every action.”

Dr. Doidge’s quote is important because it emphasizes that the brain can rewire in response to effort and external pressures to become more efficient at specific activities. This means that despite ADHD being a clinical disorder, external structures such as visual checklists, mandated routines, and reduction in systems of gratification can go a long way towards your child and teen becoming more compliant and improving their studies in school.

The parent is an active participant in this process.