Avoidance Can Literally Shrink Your World if You Let It

Source: Pixabay/JESHOOTS-com

Years ago, I spent a milestone birthday week in Florence and experienced unbearable jet lag.

Smartphones weren’t a thing, and the only available internet connection was a computer in a locked common area. I’d long finished the couple of books I’d brought and spent my nights flipping through indecipherable, depressing Italian television channels.

My mother is European. I grew up traveling to Europe every few years to see her family. I first set foot in Italy on a backpacking trip with my boyfriend in medical school. I was instantly captivated. A dream of living there one day was born, and I soon returned with friends and even a couple of times on my own.

But after the experience in Florence, I wrote off Italy and transatlantic travel in general. It was like a switch got turned off. The dream was gone; that part of my life was over. The experience in Florence had been so disappointing, lonely, and awful that I was not willing to ever risk it again.

In the spring of 2024, I was driving to Spokane airport to catch a flight to Atlanta, where I’d be giving a speech. I listened to a contemplative meditation/reflection app as I drove and reflected on a prompt about what I needed to do most.

The words that came to mind: “Go to Italy.”

My internal reaction was a fierce, resounding “no." I was never going to risk that again; I work too hard to spend another week of vacation in misery.

More words came to mind: “But you used to love Italy.”

Yes, I did. And something about that moment flipped the switch back. On the flight, I booked my ticket and AirBnB.

I then remembered that while attending a lecture on sleep at a Harvard Medical School Continuing Education course, I had heard a leading sleep researcher mention their favorite jet lag app.

When I got back from Georgia, I found my notes from that course, and the name of the app.

I entered my flights into the app and followed the instructions to the letter. It was all based on light exposure and entrainment of circadian rhythms. Sunglasses in the evening pre-trip to block light and start shifting my system. Early morning light exposure upon arriving at my destination. Planned sleep and wake times for the first few days, and more.

I experienced no jet lag. Zero. The first afternoon in Italy I was a little sleepy, but nothing bothersome. I felt great.

Turns out, the reason I hadn’t shifted my circadian clock on that fateful trip to Florence was that it was December. It was cloudy and rainy with little daylight, and because I was on my own, I went to bed when I was tired, even if it was dinnertime. All my prior trips to Italy had been in summer or early fall, so my internal clock was naturally reset by the bright sunlight, outdoor meals, and activity.

After my return to Italy, I rediscovered and reclaimed my passion for that exquisite country. I’ve gone several more times and hope to never stop. It also helped me recover from the recent end of a very difficult marriage.

This week, I’ll return to what is now my home away from home in Southern Italy. My adopted Italian “family” awaits, and I’m intentionally eating less this week because of all the prosciutto, pizza, pasta, bread, and wine I’ll shortly be showered with.

Yes, the anti-jetlag app was transformative.

But more importantly, I want to make sure I never shut down or shrink my life again based on one bad experience. And I hope you don’t either.