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Our ‘Practice Compassion' blog is going to cover a range of problems that can be addressed by cultivating our capacity for self-compassion, personal courage,and mindful awareness. My own work has focused on applying the science of compassion to the treatment of anxiety, so it makes sense that we might have a blog post or two that introduces us to anxiety in a little more detail. If you would like to dive right in, and begin practicing compassionate mind training to help you better deal with anxiety, you can find out about my book "The Compassionate Mind Guide to Overcoming Anxiety" here:
http://mindfulcompassion.com/Mindful_Compassion_in_New_York/Book.html
By now, most of us might believe we are pretty familiar with anxiety.
This old companion can show up at the worst times, and narrow our range of possible behaviors, as we find ourselves in a storms of worries,fears and agitation. While anxiety might seem quite familiar, let’s take a bit of a closer look at what the term anxiety really represents.
As we come to understand the nature of the compassionate mind,we may come to learn how compassion can allow us to remain calm in the storm of anxious experience, and may provide us with a range of new capacities and skills. We have evolved to be able to access our compassionate minds in order to relate better to anxiety, and this intuitive wisdom and ability is available to us every moment.
The word ‘anxiety’ comes from the Latin term anxius , which means ‘a feeling of agitation and upset’. Today, the term anxiety encompasses an array of ways that we pay attention, feel physically and behave, and this has evolved to help us deal with possible threats in our environment.
The first way we might experience anxiety is in the way we feel physically;for example, when you last felt anxious how did it feel to you in your body? What were your physical sensations? Did you have a tingling in your fingers? Or did your stomach tighten? Perhaps your breathing became shallow? Sometimes these physical sensations can themselves make us feel anxious—as if we become anxious about feeling anxious!
When that happens people tend to start monitoring how their bodies feel and of course as they do that their anxiety is likely to increase the more they pay attention to it.
If you were to give a one-word label to the emotion that shows up in your mind and in the way you feel physically when you feel anxious, what might it be? ‘Fear’? Or, of course, ‘anxiety’? Or would you use other words? ‘Frustration’? ‘Shame’? ‘Sadness’? If so, you may understand that our brain translates the physical sensations of anxiety into a complex, uniquely human form of experience that we call emotions. Our five senses blend with memories, stories about ourselves, and our history of thoughts and beliefs to produce an emotional experience in the moment.
Let’s imagine that you apply for a job that requires a five-step interview process. During four of these interviews, your potential new bosses look friendly. Each one seems warm and curious; they smile at you, and welcome you into the room; however, the fifth interviewer seems cold and his manner is abrupt. When you look into his eyes they remind you of predatory shark’s eyes and you sense hostility. You wonder if he might have several rows of teeth! Well, OK, maybe that is an exaggeration,maybe only two rows—but he really is unnerving! This interviewer looks completely expressionless—flat, and hard to read. Which of these interviews would be the one that generates the most tension, and draws more of your attention? Which interview would be most on your mind? Which one would you most likely be brooding over or talking about with your friends at the end of the day?
Similar to Mr. Shark Eyes, thoughts or images about things that frighten us are the most distracting and we tend to focus on them more than we focus on thoughts or images that calm us. Additionally, we tend to pay close attention to and remember threats that we have perceived. This narrowing of attention and selective memory involves what we call a "threat-detection system." This system has been very important in the evolution of our species, keeping us safe in the presence of real dangers. As a result, it has evolved to be "always on", and to operate in a "better-safe-than sorry" mode.
When anxiety affects our behaviour it makes us want to do things such as run away or scream. It may make us feel heartbroken, collapse in a protective, tight ball or simply go quiet.
At times, feelings of pain and shame about anxiety may be so great that we may actually wish to die in order to escape.
Learning about Compassion Focused Therapy can help you learn how to undermine the pervasiveness of the threat-detection system, and to reclaim your life through compassion and acceptance.
I look forward to discussing all of this together.
Before the next time you read this blog, you might wish to try this small experiment to become familiar with the relationship that compassion and anxiety have. If you find yourself experiencing a minor anxiety, just something small to begin with, ask yourself what your mindis telling you in that situation. Take notice of the physical sensations, emotions, and ideas that show up. After that, just proceed with your day as you typically might.
Later on, when you notice a different small, everyday anxiety experience arriving, give yourself just a moment to pause. Place your hand over your solar plexus, feeling the warmth around your heart region. For just a few moments, allow your breath to slow down, with a long exhalation.
Again, notice what your mind is telling you, and simply observe the range of thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations that show up. Remind yourself that life is very hard, and that the experience of anxiety is simply not your fault. Anxiety is a part of life, for us all. As much as you can,direct a feeling of kindness, and helpfulness towards yourself. Again, after a few seconds, maybe even a minute, just let this whole experience go. Take notice of any differences that exist between these two ways of experiencing anxiety.
The introduction exercise above is just a small experiment to begin to give you a taste of some new ways of being in the world. I wouldn't expect that it would create any real changes, and whatever shows up for you is okay. In our blog, we will be learning by doing as well as by reading,so I invite you to take part in our small experiments, games, and meditations to whatever extent feels right for you.
Sending warm wishes,
Dennis Tirch
