The Emotional World of a Teen

As a psychologist who has spent decades studying emotional intelligence, I often speak with educators, parents, and professionals about how emotions shape our decisions, relationships, and well-being. But sometimes the most poignant lessons come from young people themselves— especially those navigating one of the most emotionally complex transitions of adolescence: senior year of high school.

Recently, I sat down with Charlie Beyer, a high school senior and an insightful, curious researcher of emotion science, to discuss how he’s preparing not only for college applications but also for the emotional journey that comes with them. What he shared was wise, honest, and deeply human. Our conversation reminded me that emotional intelligence isn’t something we master in adulthood—it’s something we can begin to practice much earlier.

Robin: Charlie, how are you feeling as you begin your senior year?

Charlie: A mix of everything—excited, anxious, overwhelmed. Between college essays, sports, and changing friendships, life feels more intense. There’s pressure to “get it right,” but also this emotional exhaustion I wasn’t expecting.

Robin: That awareness is important. What made you start paying closer attention to your emotions?

Charlie: I realized that I was having some feelings, like stress or fear, more frequently, and they were harder to ignore. I thought maybe there was something else to do besides try to ignore them or push them away (it didn’t work that well). My curiosity led me to look into opportunities outside of the school day to learn more about psychology, especially emotional intelligence. I wanted to feel more in control of my emotions, especially with big transitions ahead.

Robin: That’s remarkably self-aware. How did you find the opportunities and start building knowledge and skills in emotional intelligence?

Charlie: I was fortunate to be connected to you. When you introduced me to the How We Feel app, I started tracking my emotions daily. At first, it was just once a day. But soon I was logging feelings two or three times. It helped me notice patterns and name emotions more accurately. Instead of saying I felt “bad,” I could say I was “disappointed” or “overwhelmed.” That gave me a sense of clarity, and even some relief.

Robin: You didn’t stop with your own emotions. I know you wanted to understand others, too. Tell me about that.

Charlie: Yeah, I started asking other teens how they were feeling. I talked with more than 50 students at my school—on the tennis courts, in class, over lunch. I even used Google Forms to collect responses. Most people mentioned school pressure, friendship stress, and uncertainty about the future. And a lot of them said they didn’t really talk about their emotions unless they were in crisis.

Robin: What did you learn from those conversations?

Charlie: That I wasn’t alone—and neither are they. We’re all carrying so much. And many teens don’t have the tools to deal with it. That’s why the mindset that emotions matter and the skills of emotional intelligence are so important. These are the needed tools.

Robin: You also said something in our many conversations that stuck with me: emotional intelligence is not just about knowing—it’s about doing. What does that look like for you?

Charlie: To “do” emotional intelligence means that I am using it every day in real situations. It’s one thing for me to know about emotions—like for instance learning more emotion words—it’s another to use that knowledge—or use those words when I am trying to describe what I am feeling to my mom or to a friend. Besides vocabulary, I also learned new ways to deal with difficult feelings when I am having them. For example, when I got a bad grade recently, instead of snapping or shutting down, I took a breath, used the How We Feel app, and realized I was feeling embarrassed and insecure. Taking a breath and taking the time to name my feelings calmed me down, and I could think more clearly. I reminded myself that one grade doesn’t define me. That awareness helped me feel more positive about the class, and I made a study plan for the next test.

Robin: That’s the work of emotional intelligence—naming, regulating, pausing, choosing. It's much easier said than done.

Charlie: Totally. It’s hard. It takes practice. It can look like taking a breath before responding in a tense moment. It can sound like asking that friend with a sour expression, “Hey, you seem off today—want to take a walk and talk about it?” It means choosing not to bottle something up, even if it’s hard to say out loud. And it means forgiving myself when I mess up and trying again the next day. That is hard. That’s what emotional intelligence feels like—it’s not perfect. It’s honest.

Emotional Intelligence Essential Reads

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Robin: I like that phrase—“not perfect, but honest.” As you face the year ahead with college applications, big decisions, and new pressures, how ready do you feel? What specific feelings are keeping you up at night?

Charlie: I’m still nervous, but I also feel more prepared than I would’ve been a year ago. I know I’ll feel stress and anxiety, but I don’t feel helpless or powerless. I have some cool tools now—emotion language, a good habit of checking in with my emotions and trying out new strategies to manage them, and reaching out for support. And even when I forget to use them (sometimes!), I know how to get back on track.

Robin: Final question—what would you say to another teen who’s just starting to notice their emotional life and is really upset by having to handle more and different emotions pretty consistently—they’re feeling out of their element in navigating feelings.

Charlie: I’d say: Start by getting curious. Your emotions aren’t enemies—they’re messengers. Try naming them. Try talking about them with someone you trust, like a friend or your mom, or dad. Try tracking them for a week. You don’t have to solve everything all at once. Just start checking in with your feelings and noticing. That’s where emotional intelligence begins.

Charlie reminds us that young people are not just preparing for college—they’re preparing for life. And emotional intelligence is one of the most essential life skills we can offer them. Not as a lecture, but as a conversation. Not just in theory, but in practice. Because emotional intelligence isn’t just about knowing how you feel. It’s about what you do with those feelings once you know.