How to Change Your Day (and Someone Else's) in Just a Few Seconds

Source: Lindsey Godwin/Dall-E/Used with permission

This week, I was standing in line at a coffee shop when I noticed the woman in front of me wearing the most unapologetically joyful pair of yellow boots. The kind of yellow that skips right past muted mustard and lands on full sunflower, like a little wink of summer on a dreary winter day.

As most of us would, I almost kept the thought to myself. We notice something lovely and swallow it. Instead, I heard myself say, "I just have to tell you, those boots are fantastic."

She turned around, startled for half a second, and then her whole face shifted. She lit up with a real smile, the kind that starts in the eyes and spreads from cheek to cheek. She laughed and said, "I wasn't sure if I could pull them off."

"You absolutely can," I said.

And that was it. We both ordered our drinks and went on with our days, yet the energy in that small square of space had changed, all in less than 10 seconds.

Why This Tiny Thing Matters More Than We Think

There's solid research behind what happened in that coffee line.

In a 2021 study, Zhao and Epley found that people consistently underestimate how good it feels to receive a compliment. The givers worry they'll come off awkward or intrusive, but the receivers report feeling significantly more uplifted than the givers predicted. Our hesitation is usually based on faulty assumptions. We convince ourselves it will be awkward, or that it won't matter much, and we're usually wrong.

There is also a body of research in positive psychology showing that small acts of kindness increase well-being for the person performing them. Sonja Lyubomirsky and her colleagues have found that intentional acts of kindness can boost happiness and life satisfaction when practiced consistently (2013). What I love about this: It is not complicated. It does not require a nonprofit, a five-year plan, or a perfectly curated gratitude journal. It asks us to pay attention and say something out loud.

There is something almost mischievous about how simple it is.

Why We Don't Do It

If this is so powerful, why do we hesitate?

Part of it is social anxiety. We don't want to intrude or be misunderstood. Many of us, especially women, have learned to be cautious about how we engage strangers. There's a broader cultural script running underneath as well. We've been trained to 'see something, say something' when something looks wrong. No one ever encouraged us to do the same when something looks good.

And yet, we all know what it feels like to be authentically seen.

We know what it feels like when someone says, "You handled that meeting with so much grace." "I noticed how patient you were with your kid just now." Those moments linger, subtly interrupting whatever story we were telling ourselves about not being enough. Complimenting a stranger, when done thoughtfully, is a small rebellion against the invisibility so many of us feel daily.

The One-Minute Experiment

For one week, offer one sincere compliment a day to someone you don't know well. Skip the generic flattery and the commentary on someone's body. What you're going for is genuine noticing, something specific that you actually saw and appreciated.

The formula is simple: notice, appreciate, share.

"I just wanted to say, you explained that so clearly."
"The way you handled that customer was really kind."
"I love your phone case, that pattern is so fun!"

Authenticity and specificity are the keys to this experiment. Research on effective praise shows that concrete, behavior-based feedback feels more credible and more meaningful than vague (or even worse, insincere) positivity. When you name what you are noticing, you communicate that you were actually paying attention, and paying attention to others in today’s world is rare.

What It Changes in You

The first thing you will notice is that this little experiment makes you more observant. You start scanning your environment not for what is wrong, but for what is worth appreciating. That shift alone can change the tone of your day.

Barbara Fredrickson's broaden-and-build theory (2001) suggests that positive emotions expand our thinking and help us build social resources over time. When you look for moments to affirm, you are training your brain to widen rather than narrow, building connection rather than guarding against it.

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You also practice tolerating mild awkwardness. The first few compliments might feel clumsy, and honestly, that's okay. That's how most growth starts. With repetition, it becomes more natural, and most people, it turns out, are relieved when someone is simply kind.

There's a quieter shift that happens, too. When you practice offering appreciation outward, you often soften inward as well. It becomes harder to be relentlessly critical of yourself when you spend your days noticing what is good in others.

What It Changes in the World

It would be easy to dismiss all this as small, inconsequential actions. A boot compliment is not going to solve systemic injustice or climate change. Culture is shaped in micro-moments like this, however, and norms shift through repetition. When we choose to notice and name what is good, we create tiny pockets of psychological safety. We make it a little more acceptable to smile at someone in line, a little more normal to say, "I see you, and I value you."

And it's important to also remember that you don't get to see most of the ripple effects you create. The woman in the yellow boots might carry that comment into her next conversation, walk into her meeting standing a little taller, or maybe tell a friend later about the stranger who loved her boots. You'll never know, and guess what—that doesn't mean it didn't matter.

A Word on Not Being Weird About It

This little experiment does come with a caveat. There's a difference between attunement and ambush. You can feel when someone is open to a moment of connection and when they'd rather be left alone, and it's worth trusting that instinct. A quick, respectful comment and then moving on is almost always enough. An authentic compliment like this is a gift of attention, and the best gifts don't ask for anything back.

Try It Today

On your next errand or walk through the office, look up. Find one person and one thing about them that is genuinely worth naming, and say it. It will take less than a minute, and it might surprise you how much it shifts the air between you. If you are like me, you will walk away feeling a little more awake because you participated in making the world slightly warmer.

Joy doesn't have to be a grand event. Sometimes it's simply noticing a pair of yellow boots and having the courage to say so.

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