Do You Actually Even Want a Pumpkin Spice Latte?

The Pressure of Pumpkin Spice

Source: Lindsey Godwin/Dall-E/Used with permission

Every fall, like clockwork, pumpkin-spice-everything descends upon us. From lattes to bagels to candles, it’s hard to escape the autumnal bombardment of pumpkin-themed offerings.

And every year, I find myself standing in line at the coffee shop, overwhelmed by the sheer number of pumpkin-laced drinks. Pumpkin cold brew? Pumpkin chai? Pumpkin oat milk latte with two pumps of cinnamon?

Without fail, I order something pumpkin-y, thinking, This is what people do, right? But somewhere between the first few sips, it always hits me: Do I even like this?

This got me thinking—how many of the choices we make are truly ours? Or are we just imitating what’s popular, what others around us seem to want? Welcome to the world of mimetic desire, a concept first explored by philosopher René Girard and one that feels more relevant than ever in our choice-saturated world.

Mimetic Desire: Are Your Desires Really Your Own?

René Girard’s theory of mimetic desire suggests that much of what we want is not independently chosen. Instead, we derive our desires from imitating others. We see what someone else enjoys, what is socially celebrated, and suddenly we want it too—whether or not it aligns with our true preferences.

Desire, in this sense, is contagious. Just as my craving for pumpkin spice seems to rise from the collective fall frenzy, many of our life decisions—from career paths to personal goals—are subtly shaped by the people around us.

In a culture that bombards us with curated Instagram feeds and endless product recommendations, it’s easy to blur the line between what we want and what we think we should want. Research has long suggested that we are not so good at predicting what will make us happy (Berry 2017). This becomes especially tricky when combined with the avalanche of options we now face, leading us into the psychological trap known as analysis paralysis.

Analysis Paralysis: Drowning in Too Many Pumpkin Lattes (and Choices)

We live in a world where seemingly infinite choices abound. When you walk into a coffee shop today, there isn’t just “coffee.” There are espressos, cappuccinos, flat whites, cold brews, and yes, an entire subset of pumpkin drinks.

While having choices can feel liberating, research shows that too many options can overwhelm us. Psychologists Sheena Iyengar and Mark Lepper famously demonstrated this with their “jam study.” Shoppers were more likely to purchase when offered six types of jam versus twenty-four. Too many choices can lead to decision fatigue, making us more likely to second-guess our decisions or avoid making one altogether.

This combination—mimetic desire plus an overwhelming array of options—creates the perfect storm for a disconnect between what we truly want and what we think we should choose. Whether we’re ordering a latte or deciding on a career move, we often don’t stop to ask the most important question: What do I really want?

Getting Back in Touch with What You Truly Want

So how do we avoid being swept away by social influence and option overload? How do we make decisions—big and small—that align with our authentic desires? It starts with asking ourselves the right questions. Here are three to four you can use, whether you’re standing in line at the coffee shop, reflecting on your career, or considering life’s bigger choices:

1. Am I choosing this because it feels right, or because others seem to want it? This question invites us to slow down and notice the subtle influence of social dynamics. Are you drawn to something because it resonates with your values and tastes, or because it seems like the “right” thing to want? Pay attention to what you feel drawn toward versus what others seem excited about. Just because everyone else is drinking pumpkin-spiced everything doesn’t mean you have to.
2. If I removed all outside influences, would I still make this choice? Imagine a world where no one could see or judge your choices. In that scenario, what would you do? This question helps strip away the noise of social influence, bringing you closer to the core of what you value. It can be surprisingly liberating to realize how many of our decisions are shaped by a desire to fit in or avoid missing out.
3. Am I confusing having many options with having the right option? The sheer number of choices can make us believe that the perfect option must be hidden somewhere in the mix. But more choices don’t always lead to better outcomes. Sometimes, the best way to move forward is to pick a good enough option and run with it. After all, whether you choose a pumpkin latte or an oat milk cappuccino, the real win might be finding joy in the experience—not the drink itself.
4. Does this choice bring me closer to the kind of life I want to create? This question invites a deeper reflection. It’s not just about picking the right latte or job; it’s about considering whether your daily decisions align with your long-term values and goals. Small choices, like how you spend your morning or where you focus your energy, accumulate over time and shape your life. Checking in with yourself regularly helps you stay aligned with the bigger picture.

Embrace Simplicity and Make Peace with Imperfect Choices

The truth is, even after all the self-reflection, you may still find yourself ordering a pumpkin latte now and then—only to realize halfway through that it’s not your thing. That’s okay. Part of life’s charm is in experimenting, trying things out, and discovering what does and doesn’t work for you. What matters most is developing the habit of tuning in to your inner compass rather than relying on social cues or getting lost in endless options.

Decision-Making Essential Reads

Feel It Out or Think It Over: How Body Signals Guide Choices

5 Ways to Mistake-Proof Your Thinking

So, the next time you’re standing in line, staring down an overwhelming number of latte choices (or life's bigger decisions), take a breath. Instead of automatically going for what's popular or overthinking every option, ask yourself: What do I actually want right now? The answer might just be something simple—and it may or may not be pumpkin-spiced (no judgment either way; just remember, peppermint season is waiting in the wings).

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