What Is Parental Burnout?

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It can be easy to criticize parents and their parenting efforts. How many times have we all witnessed judgy onlookers at the park make a comment under their breath while a tired parent tries to wrangle their toddler? It happens all the time. But, let’s be fair…parenting is difficult under the best of circumstances. And most of the time, there’s much more happening in that person’s life than you can see in a snapshot of them at the park with their kiddo.

Ask any parent if they are tired, and most will probably laugh at you. They laugh because “tired” does not come close to accurately reflecting what they feel. In fact, the words researchers use to describe this emotion while studying parental burnout is “intense exhaustion," and it's the first indicator that burnout is imminent.

Parental burnout results from enduring exposure to chronic parenting stress (Roksam et al., 2017; Mikolajczak et al., 2018). This happens when the demands placed on parents outweigh the resources required to meet them, creating a chronic imbalance.

One parent out of 20 feels this way right now, and that's a conservative estimate. Research from Ohio State University shows that 66 percent of working parents are burned out.

Parental Burnout Symptoms

According to researchers, parental burnout is a condition characterized by four symptoms that do not appear all at once; it's a developmental process that comes in stages. The first and main symptom is overwhelming intense exhaustion related to one's parenting role. Parents feel tired when getting up in the morning and have to face another day with their children. The mere thought of what to do for or with the children feels like they're being asked to climb Mt. Everest. They are emotionally drained and at the end of their rope.

The next symptom is emotional distancing from one's children. Parents feel so saturated in their role that they become less and less involved in parenting and in their relationships with their children. Interactions are limited to functional/transactional aspects at the expense of the emotional aspects (Roksam et al., 2018). Oftentimes, parents are subconsciously distancing themselves out of sheer self-preservation and survival; they are trying to preserve what little energy they have. However, research on parental burnout has shown that this emotional distancing stage is what leads to child neglect and parental violence (Blanchard et al., 2020; Hansotte et al., 2021).

Emotional distancing is followed by the third symptom, where parents feel a loss of pleasure and efficacy in their parenting role. Parents feel fed up with parenting; they can't stand their role as mother/father anymore, and they no longer enjoy being with their children. It's no surprise then, that a role that was once the most exciting, fulfilling, and meaningful in their lives has become a growing source of guilt.

The final symptom emerges when parents become aware of the contrast between who they were, who they would like to be, and who they have become. This contrast can cause burned-out parents to feel inescapable distress, shame, and guilt (Abramson, A., 2021).

Are you a parent yourself? Take a moment to reflect on the presence of these symptoms in your own life.

Consequences of Untreated Parental Burnout Symptoms

Research suggests that parental burnout can be very damaging to parents, children, and partnerships between co-parents. It can give rise to suicidal and escape ideations (Mikolajczak et al., 2019), which are much more frequent in parental burnout than in job burnout or even depression (Mikolajczak et al., 2020). This finding is not surprising given that parenting is an unrelenting 24/7/365 role. Parental burnout is also related to psychological forms of escape such as alcohol or substance use (Mikolajczak et al., 2018). At the biological level, parental burnout causes dysregulation in the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, which is most likely causally involved in somatic complaints and sleep disorders reported by burned-out parents (Sarrionandia-Pemna, 2019).

Ways to Help Yourself

For the sake of your own well-being, it's important to recognize parental burnout symptoms as early as possible. Help is available. There are ways you can help yourself and/or seek out professional support. If you're the DIY type, try the following interventions:

• Prioritize sleep. This cannot be overstated. Addressing your exhaustion and correcting unhealthy sleep patterns first is a preventative step. Doing so will protect your children from harm due to child neglect and parental violence that may follow the exhaustion stage. Establish consistent bedtimes, avoid screens for 60 minutes before bedtime, and eliminate sugar/caffeine after 2 p.m.
• Take an inventory of your parenting tasks/responsibilities. To reduce feelings of overwhelm, focus your attention on one week's worth of your schedule. Make a list of tasks and connect with your "village." Simply outsourcing a few responsibilities to trusted people can make a world of difference.
• If you notice that you already call upon your village or have tried unsuccessfully to correct your and your children's sleep habits, consider seeking professional help from a therapist before things get worse. A qualified therapist will have tools to help you assess the intensity of your burnout symptoms, teach skills to strengthen your emotional intelligence related to parenting, and amplify your ability to be a resilient parent.

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All parenting challenges can be conquered and most are universally experienced. You got this!