Why the Quarter-Life Crisis Is the New Mid-Life Crisis

We all know what it means when someone is having a mid-life crisis. The term has become part of our collective psychobabble, associated with fast red cars, affairs, excessive spending, a new hair color, or a nose piercing at 50. It’s also associated with people who are quite a few years past their twenties facing the existential reality that life is a lot shorter than they once thought.

When I was six, I wanted to be a lawyer. At 15, prime minister. When I was 19 my dream job was consul­tant even though I wasn’t quite sure what that was. At 22, I just wanted to pay my bills and avoid overdrawing my account each month. By 23, I found my­self running a podcast full-time, and at 25 I have abso­lutely no clue what I want to be—whether I should drop everything and move to Costa Rica, go back to school, find some job security, maybe get mar­ried and raise a family, or sell everything and become a nomad.

I'm still navigating my own quarter-life crisis.

What the mid-life and quarter-life crises have in common is the uncertainty and insecurity around the core pillars of our lives: career, relationships, finances, health, and the future. They also both occur at the cusp of a significant new chapter, a new developmental phase in our lives when we are forced to answer really unsettling questions: What do I actually want from life? Am I happy where I am now? What am I missing? Will those things I’m missing actually make me happy? What results is a period of panic and the over­whelming urge to do something drastic in our lives so that we can reinstate a sense of control over our destiny.

Maybe it’s a bit dramatic to suggest that twenty-somethings are entitled to these fears. For many of us, our twen­ties are the period when we should feel the most free and fearless. The world is beckoning to us with opportunities, and our youth and enthusiasm give us an advantage. We are optimistic about the future while still having a bit of knowledge and life experience in our back pocket to feel like adults. And yet we are also thoroughly unprepared for what this decade is about to throw our way. The future feels daunting, but the present feels equally chaotic and unstable. While every­one is telling us to enjoy this decade, we are struck by the deeply disquieting feeling that we are completely lost and no one can tell us where to go next.

This discomfort is actually a sign that you are growing into a new version of yourself and that your old self just doesn’t fit any longer. However, what complicates this crisis are the opposing types of decisions or life paths to consider. On one hand, society expects us to fol­low the traditional blueprint of graduating or completing some kind of study, finding a nice partner and getting married, hold­ing a steady full-time job, having children, getting promoted, re­tiring, and then dying. That’s a nice story, but I’m sure I’m not the only one who also finds it incredibly suffocating. Not only is that not everyone’s dream (even if that kind of future is what will make you happy), but our generation has the added compli­cation of facing one of the biggest recessions in decades, rising inflation, a climate crisis, a global pandemic, and increasing in­equality. When we are unable to find our path the way our parents or those around us have, we feel an in­creased sense of urgency to have all the answers. That urgency is exactly what creates the quarter-life crisis. We prefer outcomes we can predict or see, and so the chaos of this decade and the decisions we need to make can, naturally, trigger a great deal of psychological stress and discomfort.

And then maybe we do it—we get what everyone told us we needed to be happy. We are on the right path. But we feel remarkably unsatisfied. This is also a trig­ger for the quarter-life crisis. You may feel trapped. You’re stuck in your full-time job, your relationship, or an unfulfilling environment. While it’s terrifying to feel like everything you wanted isn’t fulfilling anymore, it also means you are at an important crossroads where you can change every­thing.

You can start over again. In fact, we know that our twen­ties are perhaps the best time to change. Instead of suppressing these feelings for another twenty-odd years, you have the gift of being able to explore new beginnings when it's easiest. We aren’t yet facing the stigma and dis­crimination that people may face when trying to start a new ca­reer at 50 or a new relationship at 65. You are poised for transformation. In fact, I believe this decade requires it.

The Silver Lining

When you reach this crisis point, you’re forced into a place of reflection and value realignment to resolve the panic. The biggest antidote to a crisis is move­ment in any direction that feels meaningful. If you are in this place right now, focus on changing just one thing about your life that feels stale. You don’t need to tear the whole house down right away, but choose one area in which you could do something differently or align your behavior with a greater desire, dream, or value.

• Work and career. Look for new opportunities, leadership roles, or promotions in your current workplace; start applying for new jobs elsewhere; reach out to someone you admire to network; start volunteering for a cause that you’ve al­ways felt a pull toward.
• Routine. Try a new workout routine; set a new fitness goal; start prioritizing sleep or finding more time for friends on the weekend; stop drinking for a month; journal before bed rather than bingeing a TV show or social media.
• Environment. Swap the indoor workout for one outdoors; redecorate your space; move to a new neighborhood, or even to a new city; book weekend trips to a nearby national park; declutter.
• Relationships. Break into a new group of friends by going to social events; stop waiting for someone else to plan the out­ings; join a new sport; start dating again, or stop for a while; begin a new passion project with your partner.

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Remember: Nothing changes unless you do. When you start going about things differently and chal­lenging what you’ve grown comfortable with, doors will begin to open. One day you’re making the conscious choice to apply for new jobs in your evenings, and then pretty soon you’ll be ready to leave the job you hate, forge new friendships, dye your hair one way today and then another next week, say goodbye to old relationships, explore your childhood dreams, or book the one-way flight because you have embraced the possibility and the opportunity of the quarter-life crisis.

It’s okay to feel lost. Everyone else is feeling the same way.

The fear and discomfort you are feeling is a sign that you care about your future. That is a good thing! Without chaos, we have no incentive to grow.

Millions have come before you and survived. You will fig­ure it out.