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In the 1980s, Belgian chemist Ilya Prigogine was awarded a Nobel Prize for a theory that said it’s “the capacity to be shaken up” that ironically is the key to growth.
It was called the theory of“dissipative structures”—as in dissipating—and a fancy way of saying that friction is a fundamental property of nature, and nothing grows without it. Not mountains, not pearls, not people, not communities of people.
He said that any system—whether at the molecular level, the chemical, physical, social, psychological, or spiritual—that’s protected from disturbance is protected from change and becomes stagnant. And by extension, anything that's true to life and the imperatives of growth won't be unshakeable.
So by all rights, we should be halfway to enlightenment by now, given the year we've had, with its Nobel-Prize-winning levels of friction and disturbance. Not that we needed a plague to remind us of the age-old connection between disturbance and growth. Just making a timeline of the growth spurts in your life should illustrate how often they're precipitated by getting shaken up and certainly accompanied by it.
The following self-reflective questions are designed to help you use Prigogine's insight to your advantage, to clarify what these tumultuous times—the pandemic year in particular—are calling-for from you. How the friction of these times might lead you toward growth and an affirmative "New Normal."
1. Science tells us that an asteroid ushered out the dinosaurs and gave the mammals underfoot—including our forebears—a shot at prominence.
Using that as an analogy, once the dinosaurs of the status quo are sidelined—as they probably have been for you this year, to some degree—parts of you that are normally overshadowed have a chance to come out into the light.
—> What parts of yourself have you noticed emerging out of the shadows during the pandemic, such as your introspective side or your creative side?
2. A family member of mine who normally eats almost every meal out told me that he's begun shopping and cooking for the first time in 20 years.
—> What new activities are you involved in now that you weren't before the pandemic?
3. This past year, I finally took the dive into online teaching, which only took me 10 years and a plague to finally come around to doing.
The risk was to be a beginner again at something.
—> What, if any, risks has the pandemic propelled you to take that you might not have taken otherwise?
4. A neighbor of mine who just had a baby told me that one of the unanticipated consequences of the shelter-at-home mandate was that she got to stay home with her newborn for months rather than having to go back to work after a short maternity leave: i.e., silver linings.
—> Name any positive unexpected consequences that have come out of the pandemic for you.
5. I recently read about an author who'd been working on a book about the detrimental effects of the internet on the community, a subject he lost passion for when the pandemic proved how critical the internet is precisely for the community.
—> Name any negative unexpected consequences of the pandemic for you?
6. In response to the coronavirus, we've been told to do something that doesn't come at all naturally to the very social animals we are: Stay away from each other.
And it's come with a payload of grief: grandparents who can't see their grandchildren, people who can't visit their parents in assisted living centers, massage therapists and hospital “baby cuddlers” who can't nurture others, people who are lonely living alone.
—> Name some way in which grief has shown up for you in this past year? It could be around the loss of touch, community, work, or even the anticipatory grief of having to watch the environment once again succumb to the ravages of humans getting “back to normal.”
7. The pandemic has prevented many people from honoring commitments they had lined up previously—family gatherings, social engagements, deadlines—but many have also been relieved by this.
—> Name any activities, involvements, habits, commitments, even relationships you had prior to the pandemic that in retrospect weren't really working for you all that well anyway.
8. Shakespeare wrote Macbeth, King Lear, and Antony & Cleopatra during a plague.
Isaac Newton made his great discovery about gravity and invented calculus while in quarantine during the Bubonic Plague. The sudden disruption of your daily rhythms, if not the isolation, may have unleashed your creativity, imagination, and inventiveness in ways that wouldn't have happened otherwise.
—> Have you experienced any bursts, however modest, in your creativity or inventiveness as a result of the pandemic?
9. I recently finished reading a book by the punk-rock poet Patti Smith called Year of the Monkey, and what amused me about this is that it turned out to be the journal of a rebellious, unorthodox, and out-of-the-box kind of person.
Which is perfect for me right now, given my need to step beyond some comfort zones and challenge some old habits.
—> What book are you in the middle of reading right now, what's the theme, and does it relate to anything unfolding in your life right now?
10. You're standing at a crossroads.
There's a signpost in front of you with two signs on it, pointing in two different directions.
—> What's written on each of the signs (a word or short phrase)?
11. Imagine you could program a subliminal message into your computer and have it flash at you 500 times a day.
—> What message would you plug in?
12. Some people think a pandemic is just a biological event, just an organism wanting to reproduce, and that there's no master plan or grand purpose at work.
Others believe it's the dawning of the Age of Aquarius, the long-hungered-for reset for humanity.
—> To whatever degree you resonate with this second line of thinking—that there's greater meaning and purpose in recent events, even a lesson—what do you imagine that lesson might be for you? Not for humanity, but for you?
13. A few days after the coronavirus was declared a pandemic, I had a dream of electric energy coming from above, reaching down toward me, and touching me on the mouth.
I took it to be an affirmation of the spark of inspiration the pandemic has given to my speaking and writing.
—> Have you had any dreams or synchronicities lately that seem significant to you?
14. A friend recently told me that she just made what she called“a dangerous prayer”—asking God not to give her what she wants, but only what would most deeply serve her spiritual growth.
And I once made a dangerous prayer that I not be afraid to speak my deepest truth in any given circumstance, cost what it may.
—> What would be a dangerous prayer for you right now?
15. The comedian Redd Foxx once said, “Heroes are not born. They're cornered.”
That is, forced into heroism by desperation or their own suffering.
—> In order to cope with current events or ride them out with grace and grit, what strengths or courage have they called upon in you?
16. One of the characteristics of the pandemic has been a spike in bingeing behavior—TV, food, alcohol, online shopping—and a lot of relapsing.
—> What if any less-than-optimal coping strategies have you found yourself engaging in this past year? This could be bingeing or addictive behavior or snarky parts of your personality that have emerged under stress.
17. In the weeks following the 9/11 bombings, a lot of us found ourselves acting a little differently.
Holding doors open for strangers, paying the tollbooth fare for the guy behind us, spending more time with our kids, honking less, listening more. And one of the most prominent themes of the pandemic year has been the opportunity to be of service to one another. For instance, the simple act of washing your hands—or sheltering-in-place—is one of both self-care and community care.
—> Since the pandemic began, have you noticed yourself engaging in any caring or compassionate behavior which may not necessarily be the norm for you?
18. I had a dream recently where I was on a big yacht sailing across the Atlantic when it broke down mid-ocean.
A helicopter was dispatched to rescue us, and it was piloted by an elderly man. It struck me that we're expending a great deal of effort in protecting and even avoiding the elderly during the pandemic (and rightfully so, given the statistics).
But it may be that the elders are key to helping us weather these times—given that they have (at least theoretically, developmentally) something all of us need right now: wisdom. The kind that comes from having been around a while. In other words, they're more emotionally experienced in managing disruption, being resourceful and resilient. So perhaps we should spend less time avoiding them and more time asking for their advice.
—> Take a moment and get in touch with your inner elder, your inner wise-man or wise-woman. Write down what advice that wise part of you would offer you right now about how to navigate this time.
19. There's been a lot of press lately about how hungry people are for normalcy, for the country to reopen.
But people may also have secret reasons why they don't want the pandemic to end. Maybe they don't want to go back to commuting, or don't want to re-enter the rat-race, etc.
—> Do you have any reasons you might not want the pandemic to end?
20. The pandemic might inspire positive changes.
—> What are the changes the pandemic has brought to your life—internally or externally, emotionally or practically—which would you most like to see become part of your new normal once the pandemic is over?
Connect the dots: The brain is a pattern-seeking organ. That's part of what it was evolved to do. So put it to work connecting the dots. Skim through your responses to the questions and look for any patterns by simply circling all recurring themes.
And find people with whom to share what you circled. Keep the conversation going.
