Adolescence
How to Help Teens Manage Intense Feelings and Mood Swings
Understand what's normal for teens and what requires professional help.
Posted December 9, 2024 Reviewed by Jessica Schrader
Key points
- Emotional intensity is part of the teen experience by design.
- The teenage brain is changing at the fastest rate since the first year of life.
- Learn how to tell what is developmentally expected and when to seek help.

“My 12-year-old daughter used to be so sweet and responsive when I showed interest in her day-to-day. Now I feel like she snaps at me almost before I open my mouth.”
“My son who is 15 started high school this year and has typically been a pretty easy-going kid. He’s made some new friends, many of whom we don’t know. In the past few months, one minute he seems calm and the next he seems sullen and when we ask if he is OK, he just says, ‘I’m fine! Just leave me alone!’”
Why Do Teens Experience Such Intense Feelings?
So much is happening during the period of adolescence. Literally everything is changing, including their bodies, brains, social expectations, and academic and activity demands. Hormones are flooding their systems, over-activating the emotional centers of the brain and creating unrecognizable changes in their bodies, urges, and motivations, all while the thinking and organizing parts of their brains are lagging behind. Next to the first year of life, adolescence is the time when the brain is most changing. Teens’ understanding of these changes, particularly while the tools they need for reasoning are yet to be developed, makes adaptation challenging. Emotions of all flavors are prominent and win out over logic. Teens are also wired for risk, while being blissfully unaware of consequences. This is by design. The world can feel like a scary place and independence is hard work. If they were not wired to take risks, they would never grow up and leave our homes.
Is It Just a Phase or Something More Serious?
Know that these intense emotional experiences for teens are normal and expected, even if that's not a comfort for exhausted and worried parents. While the nature of intense feelings is characteristic of adolescents generally, there are some instances when concern is warranted. Intense feelings, episodic in nature, differ from more pervasive mood states, which tend to last over weeks or months and interfere with one or more areas of functioning. Today’s teens are well-versed in the language of mental health and may say things like, “Ugh I’m so depressed,” “My anxiety is out of control,” or even “I’m so OCD.” These terms may reflect particular moments in time, situational stressors, or communication of some need for support. It may or may not mean they are struggling with a clinical mood disorder that would warrant minimally an evaluation and likely treatment from a mental health professional.
Weighing the Signs That Your Teen’s Mental Health Is at Risk
Mood disorders such as depression, bipolar disorder, or the range of anxiety disorders from general, social, obsessive-compulsive, or panic disorders produce symptoms that feel more intolerable and interfere with day-to-day functioning and relationships, and affect physiological processes such as sleep, appetite, and motivation. It is important to observe any changes in your teen’s behavior, engagement in their life, relationships, or activities, and whether they are eating and sleeping well. Teens may or may not tell parents and caring adults that they are struggling for a variety of reasons. Most commonly, they do not express their distress because:
- They do not have the words or understanding to express what they are feeling and experiencing.
- They are ambivalent about seeking help.
- They think their concerns may be minimized or dismissed.
When a teen finds the courage to tell a trusted adult they are hurting and indicates the need for help, know they have likely been struggling for a while. In 30 years of mental health practice with teens, it has been far more likely to see teens wait until they are suffering than to proactively let parents know they need support. In such cases, teens may be engaging in unsafe or unhealthy coping behaviors, or have suicidal thoughts, ironically as a way their systems are trying to relieve distress.
Can Therapy Help?
When teens are asking directly for help; demonstrating at-risk, concerning, or unhealthy coping behaviors; expressing unsafe or suicidal thoughts; or seeming uncharacteristically disengaged from their usual activities and obligations, seeking professional evaluation and treatment is needed. Many families feel most comfortable starting with a consultation with a trusted family doctor or pediatrician, who can then refer them to a mental health professional. Therapy offers a place to help teens and parents:
- Understand the condition(s), stressors, and triggers causing distress.
- Learn coping skills to manage distress and restore functioning.
- Help teens and parents communicate more openly and find effective means for support at home and at school, and by empowering the teens to get their needs met in healthy ways
Therapy can help teens put language to their inner experiences, empower them to be both expressive and accountable for getting their needs met from others, and create a sense of self-efficacy, creating confidence in their ability to learn ways to take care of themselves, emotionally and otherwise. Remember that many things are changing for adolescents all at once. Having someone who can help them develop self-understanding and learn new ways to interact with the world in a space where honesty supersedes judgment can be incredibly helpful. There are different approaches to therapy and evidence-based interventions shown to achieve improvement for different conditions. Make sure to ask any therapist what kinds of approaches they use, discuss the goals the teen is setting out to achieve, and what treatment interventions are recommended for the conditions being treated.
When teens feel their needs are being validated, feel support from parents, and connect with the appropriate mental health care, what seemed initially unfortunate can become an opportunity for terrific growth.
To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.