How Do We Help Our Children Post-Election?

There are many jubilant Americans and many devastated Americans.

Whichever category you fit into, try to remember how you behave and how you speak about the election results in front of your children will influence and affect them. This may be a confusing time for them.

They are hearing all sorts of things at school, from their friends, on social media and from you. There is a great deal of emotion—elation, anger, sadness, dire predictions, threats, and promises—any of which may or may not be welcome. Susan McWilliams Barndt, a professor of political science at Pomona College was quoted by Newsweek as saying that kids are highly perceptive of adult emotions: "If they see adults—especially the adults who keep them safe—panicking, they can spiral."²

So, if, as parents you are overjoyed at the win, if you are celebrating, remember, your kids are watching and you are sending a message about how to handle victory. Or, if you as parents are upset, frightened, furious or disheartened, also, remember what message you are sending.

Are your children thinking they can lord the win over their friends who wanted a different result? Are your children upset and afraid about what’s to come? Are they doom-scrolling on their phones? Are they having trouble sleeping or are they having nightmares?²

Whatever they are experiencing, children need to be reassured: this is what democracy looks like. There was an election, there was a winner and we must live with the results.

Children also need to know that the adults in their lives will work to make sure there are other elections in two and in four years and we will have a choice again then.

They need to know that if we don’t like what happened this time, we can work to tip the scales back in a direction we like better in two years—and we can start to work on that as soon as we feel up to it.

And parents need to try—no matter what—to reassure their children that they will keep them safe even if there are those who may talk about making changes to our system that we don’t agree with.

Children need to know that in their house, values of kindness and fairness still apply.

And if children are getting messages from other kids or teachers at school about who should have won or who did win, they need to know that you want to hear about it and talk about it with them.

However, if children observe parents doom scrolling, or panicking or feeling helpless or hopeless, they may feel that there is no one to help them with with their own anxieties.

So, here are some options:

• Whether you feel jubilant or hopeless, try to manage your own feelings in a way that will be tolerable to your children and teens. Anthony Mannarino, of the AHN Center for Traumatic Stress in Children and Adolescents says, "Adults need to be careful about expressing (their) feelings in front of young children, as they may not fully understand."
• If your kids are anxious, if they are asking lots of questions or finding it hard to go to sleep at night, try to reassure them—especially your children 12 and under. Remind them that you are there for them and will work to keep them safe. Sit with them a little longer before it’s time to go to sleep. Read an extra book with them.
• Teach them about the electoral process. Mulrey et al (2012) describe an interesting process that teachers or parents can utilize for helping young children understand how it all works. Explain who the president is and what he does. Explain what voting is. You can even let them vote on something real in their lives. And then, take Mulrey's suggestion and tell them, "Perhaps the most difficult part of voting comes after the votes are counted."¹ As was mentioned earlier, some people are happy with the way the voting turns out and some are not.
• Remind your children that over the arc of history, there have been many heated political campaigns, many changes in government, and many scary and difficult events in this country—but that we are still here.
• Remind them that in this country there are still checks and balances and that the president does not have absolute power. Whether you want him to institute certain changes or you are afraid he will institute certain changes—it is not entirely within his power to do so.
• Keep the news and political commentary off the screen until your younger kids go to bed.
• And with your teenagers, keep the conversation open. Talk to them about how they feel, don’t hide what you feel, but also try not to denigrate those on the other side of the political spectrum as you talk with them.

For more on this subject, see here.