Allie Burke

Paper Souls

Choosing the Bright Side of Life

Be your best every single day

Posted Jul 06, 2015

//Gratisography
Source: //Gratisography

Empathy feels good. It’s what people want to hear. They want to know that you understand what they are going through. 

I am, at my core, an anti-social person. If I had my (first) choice I would never leave my house. I would work from home and I would order my groceries and I would marry my cat.

But if you saw me out in the real world, you would never think so. Like I’ve said before, people never believe me when I tell them I am anti-social. They think I’m lying or something. I do tend to subconsciously silence myself around people I don’t know, but the people I count as my friends see me shooting on them and cracking jokes and telling stories—basically letting my walls down—so it's understandable that such a quality as anti-social would never cross their minds. I'm exactly how my online friends and my readers see me. Silly and smart and kind of badass, sometimes (men tell me ‘you can take it,’ which is true). But it’s not easy. Looking back on each social encounter I have, I tell myself that I would rather keep my mouth shut, or, even better, not go at all. My negative life experiences just make me too weird or I’m not smart enough or my schizophrenia makes me unrelatable or essentially, I just don’t fit in. Social anxiety is a real thing in my life, I just pretend so well that it doesn’t, that it waits to affect me until I am alone.

Psychiatric medication makes such a thing very difficult; I can barely explain it clearly, let alone live it clearly. Any (good) doctor will agree that a psychiatrist’s recommendation is not usually reality; that it is the patient’s responsibility to find out what works for them. For those of you who have never taken an anti-psychotic, it is a universal truth when someone tells you every patient is unique and the way in which their brain reacts to each medication is different. So while one doctor may tell you that you should take two pills a day and the next may tell you that you should take two pills right before bed, you may not be able to function on either.

This is especially true in my case. Add the occasional alcohol into the mix and well, you’ll probably sleep for a week.

The side effects of effective anti-psychotic medications does not consider the fact that people have a life, and must have a life to be happy.

You see, we are not meant to live in solitude. We are not meant to live out our days without some kind of adventure until we just…die.

But this is what anti-psychotic medication does. It makes you want to sleep for a ridiculous amount of time that is not socially acceptable at all.

We all need to do our best to fight it so that we can live lives that make us happy. 

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