Toxic Mentorship: Mentor or Tormentor?

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I watched a brilliant presentation that had me hooked on every PowerPoint slide. The work was brilliant. There was only one problem. The work being presented was not that of the speaker. He was presenting his mentee’s work, without any attribution to her. This is not how mentorship is supposed to work.

When we think of mentorship, we often picture a trusted guide—someone who shares their hard-earned wisdom to help us grow personally and professionally. Mentors are supposed to inspire confidence, offer support, and illuminate the path to success. But not all mentorships live up to this ideal. In fact, some can take a sharp turn into toxicity, transforming the mentor into a tormentor.

This darker side of mentorship isn’t just an inconvenience—it can derail careers, shatter confidence, and leave lasting scars on personal and professional growth.

Drs. Vineet Chopra, Dana Edelson, and Sanjay Saint have a term for this phenomenon: “mentorship malpractice.” They classify toxic mentors into three active failure types:

• Hijackers: Those who take credit for their mentee’s ideas and achievements.
• Exploiters: Mentors who use mentees for self-serving tasks, offering little in return.
• Possessors: Individuals who prevent mentees from seeking advice or opportunities elsewhere.

These behaviors don’t just undermine trust—they stifle creativity, block career progression, and create toxic environments. Imagine the frustration of watching your ideas stolen by a hijacker or the burnout caused by an exploiter who views you as free labor.

But not all toxic mentorship is loud and obvious. Passive mentorship failures are equally damaging:

• Bottlenecks: Mentors who fail to provide timely feedback or support, leaving mentees stuck in limbo.
• Country Clubbers: Mentors who avoid difficult but necessary conversations, prioritizing comfort over candor.
• World Travelers: Mentors so consumed by their own schedules that their mentees are an afterthought.

The harm caused by these passive failures often flies under the radar but can be just as career-stalling. A bottleneck mentor, for instance, can stunt growth by delaying decisions or feedback, while a country club mentor risks leaving mentees ill-prepared for challenges.

The Ripple Effects of Toxic Mentorship

The consequences of mentorship malpractice extend far beyond the mentee-mentor relationship. Toxic mentorship can lead to decreased job satisfaction, heightened burnout, and a severe loss of confidence. Mentees subjected to exploitation or neglect may lose faith in their own abilities—or worse, in the very concept of mentorship.

This puts them at a severe disadvantage as those with mentors outearn and outperform those who are not. Toxic experiences can make mentees hesitant to seek out future mentors, robbing them of the long-term benefits of supportive guidance.

Navigating the Treacherous Waters of Mentorship

So, what’s the solution? It begins with awareness.

Recognizing the warning signs. If you're constantly feeling undervalued, manipulated, or neglected, it is worth reassessing the mentorship relationship. Understanding that such experiences are not isolated but common can be liberating and can move you to take action.

Next, build a supportive and diverse mentoring network. Relying on a single mentor is risky and an outdated concept. Having multiple mentors, often referred to as a mentoring team, personal board of directors or mentoring constellation, allows for varied perspectives and reduces the dependency on a single mentor, thereby mitigating the risks associated with mentorship malpractice. It's akin to diversifying an investment portfolio; the broader the array of mentors, the lesser the impact of any single negative experience.

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Equally important is the ability to establish boundaries and advocate for your needs. If a mentoring relationship starts veering towards exploitation or neglect, clear and assertive communication can potentially rectify, or at least redirect, the situation. And if not, remember that exiting a toxic mentorship is not a failure but a step towards self-preservation and growth.

Mentorship Done Right

Mentorship, when done right, is transformational. It’s about balance, respect, and mutual benefit. Toxic mentors are the exception, not the rule, but their impact can be profound. By staying vigilant, proactive, and intentional, you can sidestep the pitfalls of mentorship malpractice and focus on cultivating relationships that truly elevate your career and life.

The bottom line: great mentorship is out there. And it’s worth seeking—even after encountering a few bumps along the way.