Seven Tips for Kissing Like You Mean It

How to make the most of making out.

Posted Aug 31, 2015

Luke Jarvis/Corbis
Source: Luke Jarvis/Corbis

Sometimes, a kiss is much more than just a kiss. My husband of 25 years and I recently attended Kissing School, the brainchild of Seattle psychotherapist Cherie Byrd. This all-day smooching seminar was attended by couples from as far away as London and South Africa. “It’s easy to forget that physical intimacy isn’t just for the bedroom,” says Byrd, who maintains that her seminars are as much about building relationships as having great sex. “The cumulative effects of a hug when he leaves for work in the morning, a two-minute backrub when you meet up at home again, and a long kiss on the neck from him while you’re doing dinner dishes can add up.”

About that long kiss. Here’s what my husband and I learned after seven hours of locking lips:

1. Start from the bottom up. Your feet are packed – heel to toe – with sensitive, sensual nerve endings. Giving and receiving a 10-minute foot massage will heat things up before your lips ever meet.

2. The eyes have it. There’s nothing more intimate, or vulnerable, than sustained eye contact. Try sitting cross-legged, touching knees and lightly holding hands. Just gaze into each other’s eyes for five minutes and watch the sparks between you begin to fly.

3. Relax. A stiff upper lip never delivers much “come hither,” so make sure to release the  stress of the day together before you pucker up. Byrd suggests softly stroking the tension out of your sweetie’s forehead, cheeks, eyes and jaw. Then, extend down to the shoulders and back – your partner will melt like butter in your arms!

4. Slow down. Take the time to really feel the shape of your partner’s entire mouth, and appreciate every inch of it.

5. Breathe. “Remember to breathe deeply – you won’t stoke the fire without air,” says Byrd. “Shallow inhaling keeps us from building passion, and shallow exhaling blocks all of the surrender involved with intimacy.”

6. Give as great as you get. According to Byrd, most people have a more difficult time either giving or receiving a long and luxurious kiss. Try taking turns, practicing whichever one is more difficult for you.

7. Remember, practice makes perfect! “If we make passionate kissing a part of our daily lives – when we get up in the morning, when we leave for work, while we’re making dinner, during television commercials – it will become second nature and just keep getting better,” Byrd says. So, forget those quick pecks on the cheek. Kiss him like you mean it!