The Enduring Power of Family Traditions

Sam seemed startled when his granddad proudly showed him the new edition of “The Night Before Christmas” he’d just bought at the bookstore. Sensing his grandson’s confusion, he explained, “I couldn’t find the old one after Gramma and I moved, and I wanted to show you we’re all set for Christmas Eve.”

Sam blurted out, “It’s the wrong book!” and ran off to his room. Does it really matter, his granddad wondered. Apparently. When Sam’s mom went to check on him, he tearfully explained, “That was my every-Christmas-reading-with-granddad-Santa book. We wrote our names in it. The new one won’t work.”

Sam nailed the difference between ritual and tradition: while rituals are repeated events shaped by familial culture, a tradition is an anchoring collective event to which everyone “signs on” and participates, driven by rhythms of expectation and shared memories. While rituals protect us and our children from the chaos of everyday life, traditions braid together purpose, respect, and enduring family values. They work, as in Sam’s case, because the joy is predictable, intentional, shared, and preserved across generations.

Traditions matter to Sam’s generation because:

1. They just feel important. The big emotions they generate are typically positive and life-affirming.
2. Unlike screen time, they are dynamically interactive socially, leading to cooperation and engendering empathy.
3. They connect children to their unique family constellation and its history, grounding them in the story of where they come from, who they are, and what they do.

What makes a tradition? AI can create a list, one that is lean and bulleted. What it can’t do is list traditions that mattered, or not, to parents during their own separate childhoods in their own separate families. That is the catch-all drawer that will supply the building blocks of the mixture of traditions that most parents choose to perpetuate, or not, with their own children.

It takes active conversation and patience to settle on tradition-building activities that both parents can enjoy and value. Some tried and true, now cherished, events from my family’s drawer:

• Baking projects: Simple sugar cookie or gingerbread person baking in the morning when small folk are less likely to ruin appetites and more likely to better manage mixing, using the cookie cutters, and adding sprinkles. Bowl and spoon licking incentivized clean-up.
• Walks after the big meal: Everyone goes. Familiar venues lead to shared storytelling. Keep it modest and refreshing.
• Family movie night: Choose a seasonal classic that taps into something that might evoke conversation across age groups, start it early, require PJs, and break out snacks and popcorn. Cozy blankets, ugly sweaters, and treasured “stuffies” are encouraged.

Making traditions stick

To help young children understand and embrace a tradition’s importance, talk together about why it matters to you and your family members. All the above activities can be entertaining, but what makes them meaningful is that their importance is embraced by everyone. They are remembered and repeated.

Children of Sam’s age and younger remember astonishing amounts of detail from these rhythmically repeated traditions. As Sam’s granddad learned, it matters. A lot.