Is Boredom Good for Kids? It Depends on Who Fixes It

In Sam’s household, spring’s arrival begs the question: What are we going to do with Sam this summer? Sam’s grandmother kicked off the conversation after a family dinner as Sam played with his little sister before bed. “It’s common knowledge that he’s no fun when he’s bored.”

Sam’s dad: “His mother and I are looking for camps and summer programs, but we’re already too late for some of the better ones, and they aren’t cheap.”

“No one ever died of boredom, and it’s time for Sam to start figuring out what to do with Sam,” added Sam’s grandfather.

My own grandmother started every summer visit to the farm in Oklahoma with this lesson from scripture: “Children (my brothers and cousins), after breakfast, get outside and find something to do. Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.”

Are grandparents in agreement with today’s pro-boredom experts? It’s exhausting work managing a bored whiner. How can it possibly be pro-development without becoming just one more thing for modern parents to fix or manage?

My plain-talking Aunt Reathel once told my moping 6-year-old cousin who was chanting “bored, bored, bored…” as she circled the common room, “Hon, you’re the one feelin’ it, so you’re the one fixin’ it,” and turned back to folding laundry. Eventually, cousin Pat slouched off to play dolls with herself, not her busy mom.

Pat went from restless and unfocussed to slowly but surely engaging her own imagination—not her mother’s—so she was the beneficiary. It might have been fun to play dolls with mom, but turning to her own resources engaged critical skills that Pat practiced the rest of her life: problem solving, emotional regulation, creativity (her own) and concentration.

Sam’s grandfather was making this point: there is great value in learning to manage yourself over time, learning what works for you and what doesn’t, what is interesting to you and what is not.

How can parents facilitate the uses of boredom without becoming the stage manager of such events, which typically erodes their developmental value to their young children?

• Create a list of afterschool and weekend activities that both entertain your child and meet your standards of enrichment. Now, redact half of them and insert “do not plan” or “restoration time.” Seriously, this will give your child, and you, a fighting chance at useful boredom management. It might even enrich their eventual life choices, having spent more time fertilizing their own creativity.
• For preschoolers and kindergartners, remind them generally of the things they’ve done in the past to overcome their claims of boredom, and resist like crazy the impulse to stop everything, scoop them up and have them join you on your path to better times. You just make it harder for them to find theirs, though the temporary relief is seductive.
• For younger children, you’ll probably have to actually list what you know works, such as coloring books, nesting blocks, whiteboards, etc. It may take a time or two, but they’ll soon learn to turn to these activities on their own instead of coming to you.
• Screens have no role in boredom busting. They just kick that unopened can of frustration down the road. Another good reason to have screen management plans in place from early in the game.

By learning to manage boredom on their own, children develop critical life skills while making their parents’ lives a little easier. Now that’s a win-win.