Let’s NOT Talk About COVID-19

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You might be reading this looking for some answers, some hope, some glimmer of an end. And you’ve likely pored over other articles as well but haven’t found someone telling you that this will be all be over soon and that you’ll be able to go back to your lives this time next week. Disappointing doesn’t begin to describe how we feel, especially if we had plans for this time in the old world. It can feel as though time has been interrupted. That everything has stopped.

While lots of things have come to a stop, we haven’t. The thoughts and feelings within us are still moving forward. Our inner experiences juxtaposed with a halted world might make us feel like we are moving in slow motion. As humans, we want to keep moving forward. It’s our drive to live. Not feeling like we can do anything is one of the major sources of anxiety during this pandemic. Feeling isolated and helpless are feelings we can all relate to.

So how we do move forward when our drive to live feels stifled by the current health climate? We get creative and work with what we’ve got. Figuring out what we can and cannot do and going forward with what we can isn’t cheating – it’s survival.

Let Yourself Grieve

In transitioning to a new and very different style of life, even if temporary, we might find ourselves mourning what once was. The Kübler-Ross model¹ describes a range of ways to cope with loss, including denial and acceptance. Initially reacting to the current health climate and the consequences that have ensued with shock or denial is appropriate. This shock allows us to pace oncoming information so that we are not flooded and paralyzed. We ideally arrive at acceptance of the situation. Accepting a situation allows us to fully understand it, know our opportunities and limits, and take steps forward.

Reframe Your Mind

You’re not alone if you miss part or all of your old life. When the world around us changed so drastically with little to no warning, we couldn’t help but think about what was taken away. As we accept the current reality, it’s helpful to consider how this time can also be good, if maybe in a different way. We have the opportunity to be more flexible with our time, the chance to try new things, to take care of ourselves. It’s also important to reframe how we think about being home; rather than being confined, we are choosing to do our part in the context of something greater.

Understand Your Process

Even though this is a shared experience, it’s highly likely that you have very few people around you now. You might notice quite quickly, then, that everyone has a different approach to wrapping their heads around what’s going on. Some of us struggle with making sense of everything while others take comfort in facts. Some find it easier to use their reliable coping mechanisms at this time while others can’t seem to bridge the gap. Some want to talk about what’s going on all the time while others quickly become exhausted by it all. How are you dealing with this? How does it relate to other ways you approach problems and uncertainty? The goal is a fine balance between being aware enough of what’s going on to protect yourself and others but not so aware that we become paralyzed by anxiety. This is key not only for the current situation but for other times of uncertainty, as well.

Identify Your True Fear

This time is as vague and abstract as it is bizarre. Because of that, our experiences of fear can be overwhelming and confusing but it also gives us a blank slate to project our fears onto. Spend some time localizing your anxiety and fear. It is likely related to where your other anxieties lie. Naming your fear doesn’t make it any more real. On the contrary, it can actually be the most relieving and liberating step you can take for yourself. It helps direct your attention away from the things you’re not afraid of and aide you in taking steps forward to tackle those fears head-on.

Find Control

This is an anxiety like any other, albeit a very intense one. Control and anxiety are closely related in an inverse relationship. The less control we have, the higher our anxiety. Managing anxiety is about determining what we can control and what we cannot. In exercising agency in the ways we have it, the things we cannot control become more manageable. In addition to identifying our true fears, exercising control can also be relieving. It grounds us in reality and helps us become active participants in what happens in the world around us.

Determine Your Needs and Values

If you’re someone who has often thought about balance or filling your life with meaning, this might be a great time to think about what that might actually look like. Think about your top three values and whether your usual routine reflects them. Consider what’s getting in the way of integrating them more into your activities and relationships. Without being able to engage with others in the same way, think about what relationships you miss and how you feel differently about yourself now. You might also notice the opposite: actually feeling better about yourself without regularly interacting with someone or something and not having known their impact before.

Find Humanity

Before we could figure out exactly how this would affect us, the world around us changed. This left many questions unanswered and valid concerns regarding costs. We assumed that though the world was changing, our responsibilities and consequences to not meeting them would not. We didn’t feel safe thinking that even those would change or that perhaps the world would catch up and help us keep our commitments in a different way. Of course, this is not the case in many situations, unfortunately, but we have also been pleasantly surprised at repeated stories of appreciation, leniency, and understanding.

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As we find the humanity in those around us, others’ willingness and inspiration to be flexible and compassionate, we can take comfort in what keeps our social world afloat. We can also find the humanity within us, whether newly nurtured or existent all along. And hopefully, we can internalize this enough to demonstrate that we are stronger than any virus.

Don’t Pressure Yourself. But Don’t Let Go.

We don’t have to make major moves during this time simply because the time was presented to us. We didn’t work for this space in order to dedicate it to a time of growth and we certainly were not prepared. Feeling pressured to be more productive and even thankful can set ourselves up for more disappointment. Change happens when we are ready, willing, and able.

In the same vein, this isn’t a time to let go of ourselves and the semblance of structure we used to have. Whatever new normal we return to will have expectations and structure as well. Maintaining some level of discipline, maybe to ourselves now, helps the transition to the new normal seem like less of a loss than we first felt.