Moving From Regret to Action: What Can You Do Today?

How many times have you seen “No Regrets” plastered across social media or on inspirational posters? We’re often told that living a life without regrets is the ultimate goal.

But what if this advice is more misleading than helpful?

Regrets can teach us valuable lessons about ourselves and how to live more meaningfully. Striving to avoid them entirely might cause us to miss out on these important opportunities for growth. In this post, I will talk about how to reflect on our regrets in a constructive way so these lessons help us build more fulfilling lives.

View of mountain from a plane window

Source: Falaq Lazuardi/Unsplash

What do you regret the most?

In order to get a better understanding of what it is Americans regret, Daniel Pink conducted a large survey of over 4,000 Americans. He reported the four major themes of regrets that emerged from the survey in The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward. These included:

• Foundational regrets: not taking care of things in the present, like health and finances, and lacking conscientiousness.
• Boldness regrets: not taking risks and passing up opportunities (more on this below).
• Connection regrets: giving up on chances to maintain relationships and losing touch with someone.
• Moral regrets: behaving against our values such as treating someone poorly, lying, and acting dishonestly.

Out of these different regrets, boldness regrets rose as the most common (Pink, 2022).

Boldness Regrets: The Impact of Inaction

Boldness regrets are those that come from not taking action—those moments when you didn’t speak up or when you shied away from a challenge because of fear or uncertainty. These are regrets over things left unsaid, risks left untaken. I often think back to times when I hesitated in difficult situations, afraid of how others might perceive me. I know so many people who avoid trying new hobbies because they fear failure, worrying about not getting it right the first time. However, many of these same people end up regretting playing it safe for so much of their lives.

Why Inaction Regrets Can Be Harder to Shake Off

The research backs up this idea: “Inaction regrets last longer than action regrets” (Morrison & Roese, 2011). It's not hard to see why. When we regret not acting, the emotional residue can linger, leaving us with persistent doubts like, “What if I had taken that risk?” The “what-ifs” can be much harder to shake off than regrets about actions we took, even if they didn’t lead to ideal outcomes.

The Dangers of Ruminating on Regrets

However, we need to be cautious about letting these regrets linger. When we allow them to go unprocessed, they can fester in our minds and lead to negative consequences like:

• Depression.
• Anxiety.
• Self-doubt.
• Indecision.
• Avoidance of opportunities.

Person writing in a journal.

Source: Marco Paulo Prado/Unsplash

Moving Beyond Regret: Practical Solutions

The good news is that there are practical ways to address these negative emotions and prevent regret from holding us back. We don’t have to be stuck in a cycle of inaction and doubt.

Self-Compassion and Regret: The Key to Healing

One way to guard against the negative effects of regrets is to accept that having regrets is normal. Not judging yourself for making mistakes is a key component of self compassion, and studies have shown that those who have more self compassion are more likely to use regrets as opportunities for growth (Zhang & Chen, 2016).

Remember you are not alone in having regrets. Forgive yourself for the things you did or didn’t do. You no longer need to beat yourself up for past mistakes.

Regret as Emotional Signposts: What Regret Tells Us About Ourselves

Regrets serve as emotional sign posts towards our values and desires. We feel regret because we haven’t done something we wanted to do (inaction) or because we did something we felt was wrong (action). If we didn’t fundamentally care, we probably wouldn’t feel much of anything long after something happened. Therefore, the fact that it does stick in our minds can be a sign that there’s something left for us to do.

Regret as a Guide: How to Learn from the Past

Think of something that you regret. Reflect on these questions (journal, meditate on them, discuss them with a therapist or close friend):

1. Reflect on the past: What do you wish you had done differently?
2. Get curious: Why do you regret this action or inaction? What does it have to teach you about your values?
3. Start to think in the present tense: What can you do differently today?
4. Think in the future: Imagine you’ve taken these new steps, how will you feel? How would you like to feel?

Turning Regrets Into Motivation for Positive Change

Take action. Hopefully the answers to the reflection questions can provide you with clarity about what you value and desire for your life. Let this information motivate you to make better decisions. What didn’t you do before? What is a different approach you can take this time around given what you know now?

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Don’t let regrets beget more regrets.

Be cautious not to wallow in the negative aspects of regret and become stuck in the past.

Used constructively, your regrets have the power to move you closer to actions that align with where you want to be and who you want to be.