Building Relationships With Individuals Who Have Autism

Each one of us has a unique way of communicating and interacting with others. Some people are more outgoing and find it easy to interact, meet others, and make friends, while other people have a harder time connecting. This is no different for individuals with autism. Learning about how someone with autism communicates, interacts, and connects with others can help us build relationships with them and help them build relationships with others.

Relationships come in all forms. When I am referring to relationships, I am talking about all kinds of relationships, not just romantic ones.

Many of our ideas about how to communicate, interact with others, and connect with those around us are based on social norms, cultural factors, and family factors. Our expectations of eye contact, response times, and even the words we use are all based on those three ideas. For individuals with autism, attending to social cues might be difficult, and they may not be aware of expectations. Establishing and clarifying expectations is important in developing relationships with individuals with autism (Rowe, 2020).

How can we be more accepting and adaptable to those who may communicate and interact in different ways?

In my experience, being more open, flexible, understanding, and patient can help build relationships with individuals with autism and help them to build relationships with others.

Eye Contact

Eye contact can be difficult for someone with autism. You may notice the person does not make direct eye contact or looks away frequently. It is important that when interacting with someone with autism, we better understand that eye contact can be difficult or even painful. It is not intended as a sign of disrespect, but instead could be stressful (Autism Speaks, n.d.).

Repetition

Some people with autism may need you to repeat what you said during the interaction or may need to repeat what was said themselves. We may call this echolalia (repeating what someone else has said) or palilalia (repeating what you have said). This is not meant to mock or make fun of the other person but is used as a means of processing the information.

Response Time

All of us process information at different rates. This is the same for someone with autism. Being patient while the person processes the interaction and what was said before responding can help make your interaction more pleasant.

Interests

Many individuals with autism have specific interests and engaging in communication and interactions outside of those interests may be hard and uninteresting. One way to get an interaction going and start to build a relationship with someone with autism is to ask about their interests.

Expectations

For many of us, the expectations of social interaction are known. We may know this through observing others, being taught, or previous experience. For someone with autism, learning these expectations can be a challenge, especially because expectations are not always the same across relationships. When establishing a relationship and maintaining it, be clear about where you will meet, how long you will meet, how to dress, and any other expectations. Keep in mind the when and where needs to make sense with the person's routine.

Routines

Routines tend to be an important aspect of many of our lives. In my experience, routines were very helpful for individuals with autism to increase predictability and know what the day, week, or month looks like. Changes in routine can be a challenge; communicating about the individual's routine or routine preferences can help to build a relationship, knowing when to meet or for how long, for example.

Communication is key in each of these areas when building a relationship with someone with autism. Communicating effectively can allow the relationship to blossom.