Your Distractions Can Reveal Hidden Strengths

Distraction generally has a bad reputation in our focused world. ADHD and ADD are seen as problems to overcome in part because they make it hard for sufferers to concentrate and, in some cases, to complete tasks. It's wonderful that we have so many tools to help with these symptoms. It’s also important not to see all distraction as bad or pathological.

Sometimes distractions are valuable tools

For example, we are all suffering from an overload of anxiety-inducing information right now. While there is, on occasion, some soothing data, a lot of it is distressing. Much of it is disturbing.

In almost all of my psychotherapy sessions with clients, I find myself spending some time on techniques for dealing with stress and uncertainty. Mindfulness and breathwork practices, techniques from ACT and DBT, journaling, tapping, spending time outside in nature, spending time with yourself, focusing on work, taking time for pleasure, connecting with others, and getting enough healthy nutrition and exercise are some important tools for self-care and self-soothing at all times, but particularly as we struggle to manage uncertainty and stress.

Distractions can help with anxiety

While I agree that it's important to learn to acknowledge and accept difficult emotions rather than distract yourself from them, there are times when distraction, by calming down your entire body, can make acceptance less of a challenge. Counting the number of pictures in a room, feeling the carpet beneath your feet, reading or listening to a podcast or music, taking a walk outside, and taking a break from all news sources can allow your body and mind to relax enough for you to continue to function in your day.

The value of inventive distractions

But sometimes slightly more inventive distractions can not only help you cope with difficult moments, but can also reveal something about the underlying cause of your anxiety.

For example, Jocelyn* was suffering from painful headaches, nausea, and weight loss. She consulted with a doctor, who took bloodwork, did a thorough physical exam, and told her that other than some congestion in her sinuses, she appeared to be in excellent physical condition. Jocelyn told me that he said that her symptoms “are all in my head.”

“Did that help?” I asked.

“No,” she said. “It just made me feel like I was making it all up, even though I’ve lost weight and I know that I’m feeling these things.”

I nodded and sat for a minute, thinking about what I could say in response. I was incensed with the doctor’s comment, given all we now know about body-mind connections. Even if the source of Jocelyn’s physical discomfort was psychological, the feelings were real, not made up.

I finally decided to share my thought with Jocelyn. I said, “I’m not sure why someone would say something like that in this day and age, but you know that what you’re feeling is real, right?”

She shook her head. “I think so. I mean, we’ve been working on my ability to trust my own feelings, even when someone tells me something else. But a doctor? He’s supposed to know these things, so I doubted myself.”

I asked Jocelyn if she had any ideas about why someone would make a comment like that. I was thinking that, for Jocelyn, as for many of us, trying to think about what is going on in another person’s mind, the activity called “mentalizing,” can also get us closer to our own thoughts.

At first, she said, “No idea.” I waited, and slowly she began to tell me what she imagined his thoughts must have been. Then she began to construct a story about his parents, his childhood, why he had become a doctor, whether he was married, how many children he might have, if any, and what he might be like as a friend. The story started out realistically, but gradually Jocelyn wove a nonsensical but charming fairy tale about the man having been born a dragon, but, after losing both parents, he had taken on human form to be accepted by society.

By the time she was done with her story, we were both laughing so hard we could hardly continue the conversation. It was time to end the session. I asked Jocelyn how she was feeling, and she said, “Oh, I’m feeling so much better. My head doesn’t hurt at all, and I think I can eat a sandwich when I get home.”

While mentalizing isn’t usually a distraction, weaving a fantastical story—or reading or listening to one—can be a helpful diversion from difficult emotions, allowing the body and the mind time to calm down, relax, and resume healthy functioning.

In our next session, I asked Jocelyn if she’d thought at all about her story about the doctor/dragon.

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“I told it to my husband,” she said. “He laughed almost as much as we did.”

“Did you have other thoughts about it?” I asked.

A little shyly, she said, “I thought it might have some psychological meaning, even though I was being silly. The doctor opened up all my old self-doubts, everything we’ve been trying to change about my feelings about myself. Turning him into a dragon made him into a monster, but turning him into a troubled dragon who had been orphaned and had to become like the people around him, ironically, made him more human.” She smiled. “And then I didn’t have to accept everything he said to me.”

Jocelyn’s anxieties were understandable. She and her husband were having difficulties making ends meet. They both worked two jobs and were frightened that at any moment they would be let go from one of them. One of their children had some physical issues that needed medical attention that they could barely afford, and the second had recently gone from a sweet 10-year-old to a difficult preteen.

Finding your strength through a distraction

“But,” she said to me, after we had discussed the very real issues she was dealing with, “it’s funny. When I see you, I feel better. You don’t take the problems away. I don’t need anyone to do that. I’m strong, my husband and I are a good team. Feeling sick is maybe feeling overwhelmed and helpless. The doctor reinforced that feeling.

“But the story of him as a dragon…that reminded me of my own story. I’ve spent my whole life trying to adapt to everyone else. And you know what I realized after our last session? I’m still a dragon. I can breathe fire. And I can cope with this stuff.”

Next time you feel overwhelmed, try distracting yourself. And then ask yourself what your distraction has to tell you about who you are. You might discover a hidden strength—or two—buried in that diversion.

* Names and identifying info changed to protect privacy