Is It "Mother’s Intuition" or Postpartum Anxiety?

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We have all heard the saying "Mom knows best."

From the moment you announce you’re pregnant, you start hearing things like “trust your gut.” You’re told that you'll soon have a superpower called “mother’s intuition.” Everyone assures you that once you become a mom, you will just instinctively know when something is wrong.

But for some parents, this advice isn’t just unhelpful. It’s actually terrifying.

What happens when your “gut” tells you that everything is dangerous? What happens when your "institution" tells you that you can’t fall asleep because your baby will stop breathing? Or that if you walk near the stairs, your baby could fall?

If you are one of the one in five new mothers who experience Postpartum Anxiety (PPA), trusting your gut can be like listening to a broken alarm. You find that it’s constantly ringing, and it’s hard to tell the difference between a real warning and a false alarm.

Here is how to tell the difference between your true “intuition” or “gut” and anxiety.

Your Brain on "New Mom" Mode

Feeling worried or anxious as a mom is completely normal. In fact, it’s rooted in biology.

During the perinatal period (i.e., the period during pregnancy and up to one year postpartum), a woman’s brain literally changes. The part of the brain called the amygdala, which is responsible for sensing danger, grows and becomes more sensitive.

Think of it kind of like a smoke detector. Your smoke detector is designed to go off only when there is a real fire. But after having a baby, the sensitivity dial is turned way up. It might go off simply because you burnt toast.

Your brain is designed to protect your baby. When your alarm system goes off, it’s your brain quite literally doing its job. But for some mothers, the smoke detector gets stuck and keeps going off. It starts telling you that danger is everywhere, all of the time. Before you know it, you’re living in a constant state of panic.

So how do you know if you should listen to the alarm or label it anxiety? There are three key differences between your intuition and anxiety.

1. The Volume

True intuition is usually quiet and calm, while anxiety often feels like a loud, blaring alarm.

• Intuition sounds like "She looks a little pale right now. I should get a thermometer and check her temperature."
• Anxiety sounds like "What if she has a fever? What if it’s a serious infection? What if I missed something and now it’s too late?"

Intuition compels you to take action, while anxiety makes you panic. If the thoughts in your head are loud and racing, it’s a strong indicator that it’s anxiety.

2. The Timeline

Intuition is focused on what is happening right now in the present moment, while anxiety is focused on the “what ifs” that could happen in the future.

• Intuition says, "Something feels off with the car seat strap. Let me tighten it."
• Anxiety says, "What if we get into a crash on the highway and the car seat fails?"

If your brain is writing a scary movie about something that hasn’t happened yet, then it’s likely anxiety trying to predict the future.

3. The Result

This is the biggest clue to whether it’s intuition or anxiety. Intuition usually goes away once you take action, while anxiety lingers even after you act.

Say that you are worried about the front door being locked:

• Your intuition tells you to check the lock. Once you see that it is locked, you feel better.
• Anxiety compels you to check the lock, but after you see that it is locked, you keep thinking, "Did I really check it? Maybe I should go back and check it again."

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If you see that your baby is safe but still feel a sense of fear, that is your alarm system misfiring.

The 3 AM Google Doomscroll

We can’t talk about anxiety without talking about doomscrolling. It might seem like scrolling for information about your baby means that you’re doing your motherly duty. But when it feels like something you “must” do and is hard to control, it could be a sign of anxiety or a symptom of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

If you are frantically searching for answers online to soothe your anxiety, you are actually feeding it.

Getting Help

If you see yourself in the descriptions of anxiety, you are not a bad mother. And you are certainly not alone. You are a protective mother whose nervous system is working overtime.

The next time a scary thought comes up, pause, take a deep breath, and ask yourself:

• Is this thought rooted in the present or the future?
• Is it a quiet knowing or a loud panic?
• Is this thought helpful or just scary?

You are the expert on your baby, but you can’t hear your true instincts when your anxiety is too loud. If your alarm won’t stop ringing, it could be a symptom of postpartum anxiety. It's okay to ask for help. Postpartum anxiety responds well to treatment, including talk therapy. Therapy can help you reset your alarm, so that you can feel like yourself again.