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Playing devils advocate, single women don't have someone to make repairs around the house??? Oh hello 1950's. I didn't realize we had arrived.
For some, "healthy, wealthy and single" has become a mantra for the 21st Century. It implies happiness, and even smug satisfaction, at being unattached.
Does that go for men and women alike?
Today, more women are single than ever before, and many by choice, which is something relatively new in my experience. Having a husband is no longer considered necessary, nor even desirable in more and more cases. What's changed? Society, for one thing.
The single woman of today is a far cry from former generations. Bette Davis, in the movie Now Voyager (1942), plays a spinster aunt who laments that she will "never have a home of my own, nor a child of my own." Today's woman would not let the lack of a husband stop her from having both, if she wanted them. Cultures differ, but modern American society generally accepts a variety of lifestyles that were unthinkable a half century ago.
As I see it, there are both advantages and disadvantages to being unmarried. Some are obvious, and well-documented in books and articles. One that I read recently lists 10 advantages but, oddly enough, no disadvantages. That's only telling one side of the story, in my opinion.
Briefly, the advantages to being single, according to the article, have to do with:
(1) Keeping physically fit. Singles tend to work out more in gyms and exercise groups to stay slim and attractive. Married women tend to gain weight, and unhappily married women gain proportionately more.
(2) Achieving greater things. This is attributed to having more time due to a lack of responsibility to a spouse and family. It is also claimed that singles tend to be more productive during their careers, probably for the same reasons.
(3) Doing less housework. A single woman has no untidy spouse to pick up after, which gives her more time to do other things -- presumably greater things. (See No. 2, above.)
(4) Managing money. The single woman does not need to ask anyone how she can spend her own salary, and doesn't need to worry about becoming saddled with an irresponsible spouse's debts.
(5) Having less, but better, sex. Statistics show that singles have a better time in the bedroom, though intimacy occurs only about half as frequently. Hormone levels are higher in a "courting relationship."
(6) Being better rested, and even smarter. Researchers have found that sleeping two to a bed isn't as restful as sleeping alone, so singles get more sleep, which they say results in enhanced memory and cognitive skills.
(7) Having less depression. Single women generally have fewer mental health issues than married women, especially those with children to worry about.
(8) Acquiring friends. Singles need not rely on one person for companionship and tend to have more friends than their married counterparts who have less time for them, due to demands from spouses and children.
(9) Taking better trips. Although married people take more vacations, according to statistics, singles engage in more interesting activities and may meet more interesting people as a result.
(10) A better sense of self. Women who remain single have grown to know themselves and what they want out of a relationship as well as life in general, and may have happier marriages later on.
There are some good points made here, although others are largely debatable. Playing devil's advocate, I might point out that singles are disadvantaged with respect to social engagements among their married couple friends. Who wants to be a fifth wheel? And while the truly independent lady may have more time and freedom, she also has no one to take care of her when she's down with the flu, no one to make repairs around the house, and often no date on a Saturday night -- not to mention New Year's Eve!
See my reply, below, about
Submitted by E E Smith on August 18, 2013 - 11:26am
See my reply, below, about how much has (or has not) changed since the 1950's. Sorry this got out of sequence!
re: Repairs
Submitted by A single woman on August 16, 2013 - 1:33pm
I do my own home improvement projects and repairs. I even do routine maintenance on my car and god forbid I was born a woman. I did recently have to call a male friend over to help lift my washing machine so I could repair it. I called him though not because he was a man but because he was another human being. I just happened to know a guy who was single therefore was more likely to have free time to lend me a hand and he lives a couple streets over. A female friend could have also helped me I just don't have any female friends because they are all too busy taking care of their spouse and kids to have time for friendship.
I admire you for all that, I
Submitted by E E Smith on August 16, 2013 - 1:52pm
I admire you for all that, I really do. To tell you the truth, I think I can do some of the same things better than a man. I had a husband who could not change a lightbulb without breaking it! I'm not knocking him, or men in general; it's just that people have different aptitudes. I was always good at fixing things (and take pride in it). But my point remains: married women have help-mates -- and therefore an advantage -- that single women don't have.
Thanks for commenting.
Some things haven't changed
Submitted by E E Smith on August 16, 2013 - 1:33pm
Some things haven't changed as much as you might think (from the 1950's). I often tell my married friends how lucky they are to have a man around the house! I have to do everything myself, from changing the beeping batteries in the smoke alarms (one of these days I'll fall off the ladder), to being my own carpenter and electrician for small jobs that don't warrant calling a professional.
Thanks for an interesting comment.
So you assume guys are handy because they're guys?
Submitted by Anonymous on August 16, 2013 - 7:19pm
Gee, another sexism to undo.
So you assume guys are handy because
they're guys? That is a very sexist stereotype holding back both genders.
When we are "free to be, you and me",
neither gender will feel pressured to be married just to fill an emotional or functional hole in their lives.
See my reply, below,
Submitted by E E Smith on August 18, 2013 - 11:29am
See my reply, below, beginning "You obviously didn't read ..." Sorry this got out of sequence.
A man isn't always the answer
Submitted by Anonymous on August 17, 2013 - 8:26am
Over the years my boyfriends have done more damage to my home and cars. Because they are men they feel like they should be the ones doing the home repairs, but the men in my life don't read manuals, don't seek out instruction, they just get right to the "repairs".
I've had my house destroyed by paint (no drop cloths). I've had a tire blow out on the highway because it had too much air in it. I've had air conditioners stay in windows well into the winter because boyfriend was way too busy to remove it. Yet, boyfriends would feel insulted if I had taken on these tasks myself.
I'm so glad I've quit dating. I am able to manage my own repairs safely, without and argument and without hurting anyone's feelings.
I know exactly what you're
Submitted by E E Smith on August 17, 2013 - 12:19pm
I know exactly what you're saying -- and you say it so WELL! (Made me laugh. Are you a writer?) I have known men (friends of friends) like your boyfriends, but fortunately the men in my life knew their limitations and didn't try to "fix" anything. The one thing common to all men, in my experience, is the absolute refusal to ask for directions when they don't know where they're going. It's like refusing to read manuals, as you have described. (The old joke, "when all else fails, read the directions!")
Thanks for a great comment! It's a "keeper."
You obviously didn't read my
Submitted by E E Smith on August 16, 2013 - 7:39pm
You obviously didn't read my earlier comment, or you wouldn't say that I assume guys are handy just because they are guys. I wrote: "I had a husband who couldn't change a lightbulb without breaking it." I was always the "handy" one in that marriage. I also said that we all have different aptitudes. Does that sound like a sexist remark? Sexism is in the eye of the beholder, maybe.
I already feel "free to be me." How about you?
Thanks for commenting.
I don't envy single women. I
Submitted by AF on August 17, 2013 - 11:27pm
I don't envy single women. I wouldn't trade my guy in for the world.
Good for you! Not all single
Submitted by E E Smith on August 18, 2013 - 11:22am
Good for you! Not all single women are single by choice. And many would envy you. I certainly do. Thanks for weighing in on the subject.
Interesting comments,
Submitted by L. Sandison on August 18, 2013 - 1:06am
but you also have some assumptions about single women.
Single women aren't necessarily left forgotten and alone when they're not well, as many have family and good friends who care about them, and who will make certain that their needs are met during these times.
Single women may feel like fifth wheels when attending couples types of events, but some might bring dates, while others may no longer be interested in these types of activities. Single women often can be found in other types of situations where it doesn't matter if they arrive solo, with someone, or with a group.
A single woman often has a different type of lifestyle than one who's married and/or has a family, and some aspects of this would differ or would change if her circumstances did.
Some single women might face serious difficulties on their own, but then, so do some married women. Not all married women have it 'made in the shade.'
There's positive and negative aspects to both lifestyles, but mainly what matters is what suits that woman best. :-)
You make some good points, as
Submitted by E E Smith on August 18, 2013 - 11:47am
You make some good points, as did the article I was quoting. But I also said many of them were "largely debatable." I guess it just depends on one's personal point of view. I have been in both sides of the boat: married for a long time, widowed for a long time. Of course not all married women have it "made in the shade." I certainly didn't think I did, when I was married. (Now I wish I had done many things differently, but that's another story.)
As you say, there are both positive and negative aspects to both lifestyles. When playing devil's advocate, I was trying to be fair by telling a bit more of the story than the article expressed, which was all positives, and no negatives, about being single.
The funny thing is, my married friends envy my freedom, and I envy what they have in a loving relationship.
Thanks for a very interesting comment.
When I was married, I had a
Submitted by Anonymous on August 18, 2013 - 5:03pm
When I was married, I had a "spouse", and when I was sick or injured, I was still on my own because he wouldn't help. He'd go to his friend's house and wait until I was able to take care of him again. When I'm on my own, I know that if I get sick, I have no one to rely on, and it doesn't cause any resentment because I wasn't expecting any help. And yes, I do tune up my own lawnmower. :-)
However, I'm one of those "single by circumstance" rather than choice. I really did assume that I'd find someone else to be with, and it never happened. I wasn't assuming I'd be single the rest of my life.
I'm sorry to say that your
Submitted by E E Smith on August 18, 2013 - 7:13pm
I'm sorry to say that your "spouse" wasn't much of a bargain. But men aren't nurturers by nature, are they? We are the caregivers, so what do we expect? I don't have anyone to rely on when I'm sick, either -- and that's when I would love to have a cup of tea or a bowl of soup that I didn't have to make for myself.
I understand perfectly what you say about being "single by circumstance," not by choice. It's hard, I know. I never thought I would end up alone, either.
But "alone" doesn't necessarily mean "lonely." I have friends of both sexes, and I keep busy. I hope you do, too.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Oh, I think many men ARE
Submitted by Anonymous on August 18, 2013 - 11:17pm
Oh, I think many men ARE nurturers, but they have to be mature enough to care about the relationship, and some folks of both genders just can't get there. I find singlehood to be superior to bad relationships, but I'd give it up for a good relationship.
And you're correct, I don't get 'lonely'. :-)
You're right, of course.
Submitted by E E Smith on August 19, 2013 - 11:16am
You're right, of course. Although maybe not caregivers by nature, many men have become nurturers in their relationships, and I admire them for it. My late husband was one.
Being single is certainly better than being in a bad relationship. It's good that you don't get lonely. And who knows what the future holds? I still believe in happy endings.
Excuse me, I'm a single person with a happy ending
Submitted by Anonymous on August 19, 2013 - 12:43pm
My happy ending is that I am single. I get to do what I want when I want. I am wildly successful at what I do because I don't have nurture anyone else or be responsible to anyone else, which will take me away from my efforts. Consequently I am able to help thousands of people, not just one spouse, and enjoy myself while I do what I do.
You are in an enviable
Submitted by E E Smith on August 19, 2013 - 1:28pm
You are in an enviable position. "Happy ending" means something different to everyone. I'm glad you've found yours.
Spotting the difference between married and unmarried women
Submitted by Anonymous on August 18, 2013 - 1:13pm
I am involved in my community association and when I am among a group of members in the 40-60 age bracket I can pick out the single women effortlessly. The single women weigh less than the married women. The single women will have more to say about controversial topics like crime and parking, and will ask more questions. Single women are more likely to approach people at the meetings and introduce themselves. The married women tend to socialize with each other. The married women gravitate toward the social committees.
I believe you're right. I
Submitted by E E Smith on August 18, 2013 - 3:42pm
I believe you're right. I have observed many of the same things myself. It would be interesting to study the men in those same circumstances. Can you pick out the single men as effortlessly, I wonder?
Thanks for a thoughtful comment.
PIcking out the men is easy
Submitted by Anonymous on August 18, 2013 - 8:18pm
Single men are often better dressers and weigh less than their married counterparts, more neatly groomed. The married men lean toward teeshirts, cargo shorts and flip flops. And when it comes to Facebook, I've noticed the married men often use Avatars that contain weird pictures of both their face and the face of either their wife or their kid. What I have found the most disconcerting about married men is that they tend to use email addresses such as "TedandSueSmith@email.com". What happens with these emails is that one might be emailing Ted, but Sue will get the message first, call Ted on the phone and give him just a piece of the message along with her opinion, and the spread the content of the message with everybody else in the community.
I really wish married men could operate more independently.
This is wonderful! I had no
Submitted by E E Smith on August 18, 2013 - 10:29pm
This is wonderful! I had no idea that picking out the men (married, unmarried) was that easy. I've been out of the social scene so long there's a whole world out there I know nothing about.
I agree. Married men should operate more independently -- or not at all!
Thanks for a delightful comment.
Well for me being single really sucks.
Submitted by Anonymous on November 21, 2013 - 12:42pm
There are many of us men that really hate being single, and many of us are having a very difficult time meeting a good woman to settle down with which would change our life completely. Well the ones that were Very Blessed By God to have met the love of their life have every reason to be Very Thankful, Don't They?
If I may ask a question
Submitted by Anonymous on November 21, 2013 - 1:57pm
You mention that meeting a good woman will change both your lives completely. I would like to know what do you think is going to change, and how it is going to change.
If I may answer your question
Submitted by E E Smith on November 22, 2013 - 12:42pm
If I may answer your question for Anonymous, above, I would say that he thinks (or hopes) that his life will be less lonely, that having someone to do things with, go places with, will add a dimension that he feels it lacks at the present time.
Do you remember the movie, The Apartment, with Jack Lemmon as a lonely bachelor who suddenly finds himself in a situation (it's complicated) with a woman in his apartment? As he is serving the spaghetti ("I made the sauce myself!") he says, "You know, it's a wonderful thing -- dinner for two!"
My point is that some people don't even know they are lonely until there is someone in their lives. But Anonymous knows it. And I'll bet he would like to be having "dinner for two."
I feel for him, and hope he finds that good woman soon!
Whatis good about being single
Submitted by Anonymous on November 7, 2014 - 1:53pm
Well for many of us men Not having a woman to share our life with is very Depressing, and with all your friends that were Blessed to have a love life speaks for itself. Then again, God does have his Favorites. Not going to Blame myself for something i never did wrong.
Many would agree with you.
Submitted by E. E. Smith on November 8, 2014 - 12:00pm
Many would agree with you. And you might be surprised to know how many WOMEN feel depressed at not having a MAN to share their lives with. It would be nice if there were someone for everyone. But I don't think God plays favorites, though it might seem like it sometimes. I think luck has a lot to do with it, frankly.
You are right not to blame yourself. And try to remember that it's never too late. In fact, I just read a review of a new movie with Shirley MacLaine and Christopher Plummer about people finding love, even in their eighties. (Sounds good to me!)
I sympathize wholeheartedly,
Submitted by E E Smith on November 21, 2013 - 1:52pm
I sympathize wholeheartedly, believe me! Not many of us can say that we were Blessed by God to have met the love of our lives, and fewer can say that we still have them. My husband (the love of my life) died thirty years ago, at the age of 51. I have never found another.
But I suspect that there is still time -- and hope! -- for you. I know it's difficult, but keep looking. You may be surprised to know that not all women like being single, either, and many would love to find a good man to settle down with. Joining clubs, gyms, churches, and participating in activities where men and women share an interest is the best way to find a soul mate, I've heard. Try it, and let me know if it works!
Thanks for commenting.
Being single
Submitted by E. E. Smith on April 24, 2017 - 7:18pm
And so do I, Megan (enjoy being single, I mean). Most of the time. But there are other times ... well, take New Years Eve, for example. Some of my friends merely yawn at the idea that they have no date for New Year's Eve, and who cares, anyway? But I feel a little sad, and not only on New Year's Eve, I might add, that there is no stable relationship in my life anymore. By "stable" I mean someone who is always there for you, day in and day out. A line from an old movie goes, "Personally, I like a warm back to put my feet on, when the nights get cold." (Now I will get angry comments from Today's Woman who considers that a bunch of nonsense, and maybe it is.) Sorry. I'm just a little old fashioned!
But back to you, Megan. I'm glad that you enjoy being single. I wish I did.
Thanks for weighing in on the subject.
Being A Single Man Really Sucks
Submitted by Truth Of All on June 4, 2017 - 3:46pm
Well since it really does take two too tango these days which i can certainly blame the kind of women that we now have out there everywhere today since i have friends that feel the same way too. Women have become so very picky, selfish, spoiled, and very greedy now more then ever adding to the problem since most of these women now really think they're all that which their not at all. So there are a lot of us good men that really would've been married by now if only we had met a good decent normal one for a change instead of meeting all the loser ones all the time.
Well, I'm glad to know that
Submitted by E. E. Smith on June 5, 2017 - 4:51pm
Well, I'm glad to know that there are a lot of good men who are just waiting to meet a good, decent, normal woman, because I know there are good, decent, normal women who are just waiting to meet you, too! Maybe you are only (as the song says) "looking for love in all the wrong places."
I don't think I would label women "picky, selfish, greedy and spoiled," either, though some clearly are. Moreover, plenty of men could answer to the same description, if truth be told. I do agree that it seems harder and harder for the two sexes to understand each other, but isn't that due, in part, to changing times and shifting attitudes? We are not the shrinking violets that our grandmothers were. And would you really want us to be?
I'm afraid there are "losers" on both sides of the argument. But look how many "winners" there are. I know more happily married couples in this day and age than ever before. Isn't that a sign of progress?
Being A Single Man Really Sucks
Submitted by Truth Of All on June 27, 2017 - 4:42pm
Well unfortunately this isn't the good old days anymore when most of the women back then were the very best of all since their parents did do a very great job raising their children right back then. And today their parents are doing a very horrible job raising their children since they really don't have any control over them at all anyway. It is much harder for us good men to meet a good woman that will be able to accept us for who we really are since so many that now have their Careers today will only expect and want the very best of all and will never settle for less since it is all about them nowadays unfortunately. Most women today just don't have any respect for us men at all anymore especially when we will try to just start a normal conversation with these women which they will be very nasty to us and walk away. So since this Society has really Changed today and so have the women of today compared to the old days as you can see when it was a lot Easier for a man to find real true love in those early days since Most of the women were very completely different back then. I really wish that i could've been born back then since it was so much Easier for our family members when they really were very Extremely Blessed to be born at such a much better time to find love with one another which unfortunately today is a very different story all together now. And if you look at all these Reality TV Shows as well as Social Media which it really has Corrupted many of these women's minds too adding to the problem now for us men really looking for a very serious honest relationship today.
Being single
Submitted by E. E. Smith on June 28, 2017 - 5:00pm
Holy mackerel, Truth-Of-All, you are really -- I mean, REALLY, down on women! I'm sorry to know that, and can only guess what has put you in that state. Some woman has "done you wrong," as the old song says, and now you don't trust anyone. Of course, in my experience, for every man who complains of being treated badly by a woman there are just as many, if not more, women who say the same about a man. We used to call it the Battle of the Sexes. I don't know what they call it now. But there is hope. If you are really looking for a serious, honest relationship you will find it, but you have to look in the right places. I may be hopelessly old fashioned, but I still think that clubs and special interest group meetings are a golden opportunity to meet people -- men and women -- who like the same things that you do. Book clubs, for example, and that's only a start. Do you live in a place that has a newsletter? Social activities are always listed and advertised there. Check the bulletin boards, too.
I would forget about women being "corrupted" by social media. You need to keep an open mind and try to be less critical, my friend.
I'd be interested to know how it all works out. And good luck!
Very single
Submitted by gridsleep on September 5, 2017 - 2:42am
Bachelor for nearly forty years. I'd still like to know what is so flipping special about New Year's Eve. Or any other holiday, for that matter. Except Hallowe'en. That one is cool. I've never been comfortable with anyone else being in the building, let alone in my room. I don't have intimacy issues. I simply do not like it. If someone doesn't like butterscotch are they accused of having butterscotch issues? Way too much emphasis on intimacy. It serves no purpose as far as I've found, and results in far more headaches than it purportedly reduces.
Being Single
Submitted by E. E. Smith on September 5, 2017 - 4:17pm
You have a point, and you express it very well. Perhaps we do attach too much importance to something called intimacy. And I'm sure you know that a "date for New Year's Eve" is only a metaphor, or figure of speech, and not something to be taken literally.
As for your feelings about intimacy, I'm not qualified to comment, other than to say that it sounds as if you might have been hurt at some point in your life and it has left its mark on you. I sympathize, believe me. Still, some of us do like being intimate, under the right circumstances, and we take our chances even if it means a broken heart somewhere down the road. It happened to me, more than once, and one day it may happen to you, too. Just remember, it's not the end of the world.
My father was a gambler, and he used to tell me, "play the hand you're dealt." I think by that he meant "don't run away from life. Win or lose, give it your best shot." Good advice?
Most Women Today Have A Very Big List Of Demands
Submitted by AW on August 1, 2018 - 8:46am
Well when it comes to men which so many women have a very big list of demands now. Must have a full head of hair, be in great shape, have plenty of money, drive a real expensive car, and own a million dollar home. And they others demands as well which i am sure. Quite a real list of demands i would say unfortunately these women have nowadays since the great majority of them now are very obese, and certainly not that attractive at all even with all that makeup they're wearing now. Very obvious why many of us men are still single today since most of these women can't accept us men for who we really are anymore. And there are many of us men out there that really don't care how much money a woman makes now either.
Being Single
Submitted by E. E. Smith on August 1, 2018 - 2:19pm
I am constantly surprised by how many nerves this one posting of mine, from quite a long time ago, has touched in both men and women And comments are all over the map. Yours, AW, might be called a typical male reaction from one who has been disappointed in the type of woman he has known -- and for good reason. Agreed that some women are as you describe, and it has soured you on women in general. But give us a break! Not all of us all looking for a Clark Gable or a Daddy Warbucks. There are still many who would just be happy to have a guy who wants a sympathetic companion, someone to talk to and understand his troubles, as well as understanding and sympathizing with hers. Let's call it a give-and-take kind of arrangement. The best of all worlds. And I am encouraged by how many men and women are now enjoying that kind of relationship. So there is still hope that, as the old song goes, "for every man there's a woman."
The Problem With Women
Submitted by Seriously Speaking on August 8, 2018 - 12:59pm
The problem with women is that there are so many women nowadays for no reason at all will curse at us men for just saying good morning or hello which doesn't make any sense to begin with, since there are many of us single men looking to meet a good woman to have a relationship with. Most women aren't even that friendly at all which makes it very sad how they have really changed over these years. And i know friends that had this happened to them as well since it is very unfortunate that we live in a very completely different time today, and years ago it certainly was a lot easier for the men in those days that really had it much easier then we have today. So for many of us men that are still single now as i speak which there many of us that never would've expected this to happen to us in the first place, and had we been born back then which many of us definitely would've been married with no problem at all either. As for the married men and women which they certainly have so many advantages being together since they will never ever have to worry when they get up in the morning all by themselves, and they will have their wives and children to be with too. They have time to plan trips with one another with their children, and they will never ever have to worry about being alone all the time like us single people do. And many single men like us for example have so many disadvantages being single since everywhere that we go which we will always be alone all the time, and that really sucks for us as you can see especially when we really have no friends at all either since most of our friends were just very blessed to find their loved ones and are all settled down with their families. And i am very sure that a lot of you out there that are married really wouldn't want to be in our shoes at all since your life is very much complete compared to ours.
Being Single
Submitted by E. E. Smith on August 10, 2018 - 7:41pm
I can see that you are very serious, Seriously Speaking. I also sense -- correct me if I'm wrong -- that you have had your share of unhappy relationships, and it has left a slightly bitter taste in your mouth. Well, no one can blame you for that. Not all matches are made in heaven, my friend. Truth be told, most of us have had at least one that we would rather forget. But the fact that you are still one of the "walking wounded" concerns me. Sometimes it just helps to get it off your chest, and I hope that you feel better for having done that here. Keep on looking for a good woman, because they really do exist. Just be sure that you are in a frame of mind to appreciate one, if she comes along. The best of luck to you.
Women Today Have Really Changed Unfortunately
Submitted by Seriously Speaking on August 18, 2018 - 12:15pm
It appears that many of us were just meant to be alone unfortunately, even though it wasn't our choice at all. As you can see that women in the old days were quite different than today since they just expect too much now. That is why love came very easy in the past whoever was looking for it at that time since as you can see how very lucky our family members were. Today, not so easy at all for many of us men very seriously looking for a very serious relationship. And i know friends going through the very same thing today as i speak. Women today have everything that they never had years ago, so that does have a lot to do with it as to why there are so many of us men that are still single now unfortunately. If many of us men had been born in the past which many of us definitely would've been all settled down with our own family already, even though we would've been a lot older of course. And what makes it very sad for us is that we don't even have children to fall back on either. Growing old all alone by ourselves isn't what many of us good men never expected either which explains why many of us men are very hurt over this. And if this was God's way to punish us without a love life which many of us should've never been born in the first place to begin with. But then again even God has no control at all over these kind of women that we have out there nowadays unfortunately since it really does take two too tango. Thank you very much for your support. Peace.
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