10 Ways to Tell Who's the Jerk at Work

There have been many “no jerks” or “no a-holes” policies in workplaces over the years, meant to capture some of the intangibles of interpersonal working relationships. But when these policies are implemented, usually what ensues is a lot of discussion about what it means to act like a jerk at work. Most people agree it’s pretty easy to recognize when someone else is acting like a jerk—we know it when we see it.

The real challenge is figuring out when you are the one acting like a jerk.

So, how do you know? These are 10 common telltale signs:

1. You approach relationships from the vantage point of what you want or need from others, rather than what value you have to offer them.
2. Your first instinct is to blame others and make excuses when things go wrong, rather than focus on the role you played in creating the problem and what you can do to contribute to the solution.
3. You take yourself seriously, but don’t always take your obligations seriously.
4. You tease and make fun of others or call them names. Whether this behavior is intentionally mean-spirited or not, it generally contributes to a culture of external fault-finding.
5. You interrupt when others are speaking, which is usually an indication that you are not paying sufficiently close attention to what they are saying.
6. You make negative personal observations about individuals behind their backs. The only time you should be offering negative opinions is in the context of performance improvement or when asked directly for your opinion by a supervisor.
7. You hold strong opinions about the work product of another individual, but never articulate your thoughts in a constructive manner that contributes to improvement.
8. You focus on the negative aspects of situations without offering any due credit for the positive.
9. You are resentful of others’ successes at work. Even if you keep these thoughts to yourself, they are likely to develop into outward resentment over time if left unaddressed.
10. You lose your temper or raise your voice, even if you are only talking to yourself.

If you find yourself doing any of these things, you might be acting like a jerk at work. If you act like a jerk at work, it’s going to hold you back. People who are conscientious in their interactions with others are much more successful.

But what if you are not a natural people person? How do you develop good interpersonal skills and conscientious interactions? Here are nine tips.

1. Approach every relationship by staying focused on what you have to offer the other person. First, define the value you want to add—now or within a reasonable period of time—in this relationship. Until you define the value you are willing and able to add in any situation, it will be impossible to sell that value to anyone else.

2. Be a model of trust. Take personal responsibility for everything you say and do, hold yourself accountable, and never make excuses when you make a mistake. If you do make a mistake, don’t feel that you need to make a scene to display that you understand the gravity of the situation. Keep in mind, people will remember how you chose to handle a mistake more than they will remember the mistake itself. Simply apologize and make every effort to fix it.

3. Remove your ego. Don’t take yourself too seriously, but always take your commitments and responsibilities seriously. Extend personal vulnerability, but never undermine your own credibility.

4. Listen carefully. Never interrupt or let your mind wander when others are speaking. Practice active listening: Stay focused on what the other person is saying. When it’s your turn, ask open-ended questions first and respond directly only after you are confident you understand what the other person is saying.

5. Empathize. Always try to imagine yourself in the other person’s position. Ask yourself what thoughts and feelings you might have if you were in their place. Then behave in a way and say the kinds of things that you would appreciate hearing under the same circumstances.

6. Exhibit respect and kindness. Take courtesy the extra mile. If you think the other person is pressed for time, be brief. If you think something might be wrong, ask if there is anything you can do to help. Never share observations that might be insulting, and never hesitate to share a compliment.

7. Speak up and make yourself understood. If you don’t say what’s on your mind, you’ll have no chance of connecting with people, getting them to share your interests, influencing their thoughts, or persuading them to do things your way. Of course, sometimes it helps to take a quiet moment and clarify, for yourself, what really is on your mind. If it’s something that ought to be shared, take an extra moment to think about the most effective words and actions to get your message across.

8. Be a motivator. Visualize positive results. Be enthusiastic and share your positive vision. Never speak of a problem unless you have thought of at least one potential solution.

9. Celebrate the success of others. Always give people credit for their achievements, no matter how small. Go out of your way to catch people doing things right.

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