Accept Anger at Work With This Simple Technique

All of us get angry at one time or another. We’re especially vulnerable to anger when we’re under pressure, which is a pretty common occurrence in our working lives. It happens every day.

We rarely make our best decisions when angry.

Source: Nicola Barts/Pexels

Still, there is an added pressure when anger bubbles up: Do we contain it or act on it? If we let our anger show, will we be perceived as irrational, incompetent, or overly emotional by our colleagues? There can be so many consequences for even the slightest display of anger beyond formal reprimands.

Whether our anger comes out or not, the physiological experience is the same. We can direct that energy appropriately to make the physiological boost work for us rather than against us.

The three components of anger

Anger typically has three components:

1. The thought we have been wronged in some way
2. The physiological reaction of bracing for the threat
3. An “attack” response: verbal, physical, or otherwise

On our best days, we may be able to stop anger from building at step one. Pausing to examine the other person’s point of view or catching a negative thought spiral in its tracks can help us redirect anger before it really begins.

But it’s often the case that we are bracing for a threat before we even realize it. Suddenly, we’ve lashed out at a colleague or fallen victim to self-sabotaging rumination. The pressure of anger begins with step two, our physiological response. By regulating that response, we can transform our extra energy into something useful and avoid unnecessary “attacks.”

The action-distraction approach

The moment you’ve recognized the anger pressure is building, take action and find a distraction. Action dissipates the physical pressure. Distraction prevents us from ruminating and allows us to acquire some distance from the anger we feel.

Whatever action you take, keep it immediately actionable—something you can do right here, right now. That can be as simple as taking a walk around the block, moving around your office, or doing some jumping jacks in place. Whatever you do, do it mindfully. Notice the sights, smells, and sensations you are experiencing in the present moment.

Using stationary or other “relaxing” techniques when angry usually backfires. Unless you have had years of meditation or mindfulness practice, staying in one place and attempting to “calm down” is usually a mistake.

Anger is a high-energy emotion, so use it to your benefit! As a distraction method, direct that energy into a small task that needs completing and then do it mindfully. Anger taxes the mental resources needed for tackling anything complex, so choose something as simple and straightforward as possible.

Of course, if every work task is making the anger more intense, find a distraction that won’t result in rumination or a magnification of the problem. Remember, scrolling through social media usually doesn’t do much to reduce blood pressure.

To communicate, or not communicate?

Once we’ve gained some distance from our anger through action-distraction, there is still usually a decision to make: whether the situation or problem warrants action on the communication front.

We usually see someone as the cause of our anger (whether that person indeed caused it or not). Before taking the step to communicate with that person, carefully consider whether a conversation would be appropriate and useful, meaning:

• You are going to express your real feelings about the situation.
• You can clearly express what you need from the person to resolve the situation or otherwise prevent it from recurring.

First, get curious about your real feelings underneath the anger. Where is the anger coming from? Or, sometimes, a better question is: What is this anger preventing me from feeling? That could be hurt, betrayal, disapproval, frustration, humiliation, or shame. Getting to the bottom of the core emotion at the heart of your anger will help you not only communicate the problem clearly, but identify the best solution.

Second, identify what you need from the person to resolve the situation. What specific action can be taken or could have been taken? What thwarted expectation was behind the anger? You may realize that there is nothing the person could have done differently or that your expectations for their behavior are unrealistic. If that’s the case, it’s usually an indication that a constructive apology is in order.

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However, if you decide communication of any kind is unhelpful, focus on what you can change—your own reaction to the situation. It is important to act in some way, as unexpressed or repressed anger can manifest itself in medical issues and worse lashing out down the line.